Bombay Dosti

2011, Gracias

2012-01-01T09:27:00.000+05:30

One more hour and 2012 will be here. I could not let 2011 go, without a farewell, that it truly deserves. It was a phenomenal year for the world. Of course, what is phenomenal would depend on which part of the globe you are, and what your media has been telling you. But for tonight, I am not even trying to be politically correct.

2011, was just extra ordinary, for me.

I wished. It happened. There has never been a year like this before. Life, was kind to me, till the last day of the year. With a finale that competes with my fantasies. If the advice, "beware of what you want, because it might just come true" has any relevance, 2011 was the year, it made the most sense. It all happened, as I wanted. What comes out of it, is going to be the story of my life.

For one, I began my PhD dream. I moved to the US to study sociology . As I read Karl Marx’s communist manifesto for theclass, I saw the Occupy struggle happening outside my window. I am now weaving new dreams, and long time ago, this was just a "maybe sometime in life" kind of a thing. When the year began, I hoped, but did not expect to get an admission which did not even require a thought. It all happened, like a flash of a lightning.

Most importantly, it was also a year, I rediscovered love. Rediscovered family. If my twenties, were about illusory love at one end, it was also a period of rebellion. Rebellion meant that an iron wall had developed between me and my family. Now, that wall has disintegrated. Having said that, I think, the evolution wasnecessary. Although, I dont really tom tom about space - "space", "individuality" and "independence" is certainly a part of my life. If something has amazed me this year, it is the journey that my parents have travelled for me - not physically but mentally. This was the year I realized, "no matter what, I could return home." That is the biggest gift that 2011 gave me. Turning 30, seems to have had some role, in helping me recognize that too.

2012, you are welcome :)

Wish you all a wonderful year, with peace and love.

ഗോതമ്പ് ദോശ

2011-12-03T09:03:00.001+05:30

പത്തു പതിനഞ്ചു വര്‍ഷങ്ങള്‍ മുമ്പ്
രാത്രി മണി ഒരു എട്ടു എട്ടര
നല്ല വിശപ്പുണ്ട്
അമ്മയോട് ഞാന്‍ ചോതിച്ചു
"ഇന്ന് രാത്രി എന്താണ് ഭക്ഷണം?"
"ഗോതമ്പ് ദോശ" അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞു
"ഗോതമ്പ് ദോശയോ!" ഞാന്‍ ശബ്ദം ഉയര്‍ത്തി
"എനിക്ക് ചപ്പാത്തി തന്നെ വേണം" ഞാന്‍ ശഠിച്ചു
"കൂടെ ചമ്മന്തിയും" എന്റെ ആവശ്യങ്ങള്‍ തീര്‍ന്നിട്ടില്ല
എന്തോ പിറ് പിറുത്തു കൊണ്ട് അമ്മ അടുക്കളയില്‍ കയറി
ചൂടുള്ള ചപ്പാത്തി രുചിയുള്ള ചമ്മന്തിയും
മേശയില്‍ സ്ഥാനം ഉറപ്പിച്ചു
എന്റെ മുഖത്ത് പറഞ്ഞറിയിക്കാന്‍ പറ്റാത്ത സന്തോഷം
"അമ്മക്ക് എന്തെ ഇത്ര മടി."
വയറു നിറയെ കഴിച്ചതിനു ശേഷം
അന്ന് രാത്രി ഞാന്‍ നന്നായി ഉറങ്ങിയിട്ടുണ്ടാവും

ഇന്നലെ രാത്രിയാണ് ഉറക്കം നഷ്ടപെട്ടത്
ഒരു ചെറിയ പുറം വേദന
ഒരു കവിതയില്‍ പറയാന്‍ മാത്രം ഇല്ലാത്ത വേദന
ആദ്യം ഞാന്‍ ചിന്തിച്ചു
'periods' നു സമയം ആയോ ആവോ?
അല്പം പുറം വേദന ചിലപ്പോള്‍ വരാറുണ്ട്
ഇത് വെറും വേദന
ചെറിയ വേദന
ഒരു 'spray' അടിച്ചാല്‍ തീരുന്ന വേദന
രാത്രി മണി ഒരു എട്ടു എട്ടര.
നല്ല വിശപ്പുണ്ട്
"ഇന്ന് ഇനിയിപ്പോള്‍ ഗോതമ്പ് ദോശ കഴിക്കാം"
കഴിക്കുമ്പോഴാണ് ഓര്‍ത്തത്‌
എന്തെ എന്റെ അമ്മ പറഞ്ഞില്ല
"ഇന്ന് എനിക്ക് 'periods' ആണ്.
ഇന്ന് രാത്രി നമ്മള്‍ ഗോതമ്പ് ദോശ കഴിക്കും" എന്ന്?
രാത്രി ഉറങ്ങിയില്ല
കാരണം പുറം വേദന ആയിരുന്നില്ല

Why should I tell my story?

2011-11-12T11:50:00.001+05:30

I had this long conversation with a friend of mine. I adore him. But then, there are days, I wish I did not understand his language, or something.One of the sore points between us, is always the issue of gender. These days, I am a little too vocal about gender issues and he gets genuinely irritated by them. And of course, I also get irritated like crazy at some of his arguments. So once again, we came back to our old question.

That women seem to be rather narrow in their outlook. That, all that they can talk about is gender and their own personal issues. That their knowledge was not broad enough. While he does not discount the fact that there are glaring issues for women, the criticism is that, women are blind to all other issues of the society. This, he says, is a grave mistake. Initially, I thought, that his arguments have some validity.

Have you seen this post? This post talked about how a large percentage of women have either personal blogs or blogs about motherhood while men have a wider range of topics that they wrote about. I also thought, that his observations may be right and the answer to his criticism was just more knowledge.

Just today, I realized that my answer should have been different. How did I forget why, we women started talking about personal issues in the first place and why we continue to do so? As a broad answer, the gender issues that we talk about are still relevant to us, and affect us daily. That is why we still talk about it. But that does not answer him very well. Of course, our issues are important but then so are other burning issues, too. Another broad answer is this - well, this is not a cause for me, but a life issue. I have not yet stopped struggling against patriarchy to simply live my life. It's not my neighbour's life. It's not my relative's life. It is my bloody daily life.

But then, those were broad answers - answers which would be considered as a rhetoric in themselves. Yet another emotional outburst.While, my eventual argument looks at the tremendous role of emotions, let me try and explain it, in a rather 'theoretical' way.

There are two ways of analyzing social change. While I was terribly irritated with the discussion, it just struck me, that our debate was actually not about men and women or gender and other issues. Our debate, was an old theoretical debate - that of 'structure' and 'agency'. While he was insistent that social change occurs because of structural changes, I was insisting on 'agency'. No marks for guessing that the answer definitely lies in between.

The biggest example of this, is Kerala itself. This state has one of the most progressive legislation and structures which are favourable to women - access to education, access to health, 50% reservation in the local government and a brilliantly thought out decentralization program. Decentralization brings power closer to women. If a progressive structure alone could have empowered women, Kerala would not be a space, that still excludes women from the mainstream. I dont intend to give statistics regarding dowry, domestic violence or work force participation. You have google to know, that all is not well.

So, what are women missing in Kerala?

Something I had. Agency.

This is a personal account. I had to refer to my life, to explain why women refer to their personal lives.I had to look back at my life, to see how talking about my life, to other women, had given me agency. I always consider my life as one which is before TISS and after TISS. I have said this, many times, before. My perspective on life underwent a huge change in those two years. Change in perspective is not this abstract notion. I broke my marriage engagement that I did not like - one that was arranged by my parents. It did not happen automatically. It happened within 4 months of TISS and because of 4 months of TISS.

What is TISS, by the way?

TISS, is this friend of mine, RP who said, "Dont think about the marriage. Just get the admission. Noone will ask you to drop an admission to TISS". He said this to me, whenever I wondered whether I should just get married and avoid all the hassle. TISS was this friend of mine AD who hit me on my head and said, "Dont do this to yourself. Dont get married to someone you dont want to. Its your life. Dont give in." Dont be surprised. It was after one of her talks, that I finally had the courage to call my then fiance to tell him, I could not go through it till the end. TISS, was this friend of mine, who (on the day I left to meet my parents regarding the fiasco) wished me this - "F#$k them up and come back".I returned to TISS, after the drama, and told her. "yes. I did f&*k them." TISS is this friend of mine, PP (who had herself gone to a similar university) who told my father- "Uncle, she's been suffering for four months. Dont do this to her." Even today, my dad says, he truely 'understood' how I felt, after PP talked to him.

Four friends. An alternative space. That was the source of my agency. That is why, I did not get married at 23. That is why, I got to do the job, that I wanted.

(Some of you might get disturbed at the strong language used to describe my family. I am not proud of it. I shall explain it in a little while. But anger, was a strong emotion at that particular point of my life. My agency in some ways, had its root in this anger. I realized that my anger should have been against patriarchy and not against my family members. Simply put, it should have been f&%k you, patriarchy)

This is also not to portray my family as villains. Far from it. They were as much victims of patriarchy as I was. As I continue to be. Of course, those days, I did think of them as villains and I lost my family for some years in my life. Today, I have the wisdom to recognize the 'structure' of patriarchy and the ways it seeps into our lives.

So, was there no structural influence in enabling this "social change" in my little life? Was there no play of an alternate structure that helped me fight the structure of patriarchy? Of course, there was. It was education that got me to Bombay. It was savings from an IT job, that got me the admission and the initial fees. It was the fact that fees in TISS was not too high, that I was not worried about taking the admission. And Of course, my parents were based out of a rather structurally "progressive" state any ways, and most importantly, they were not villains.

Yes. All that helped. But, if I had all that, without the alternate space that these four friends of mine gave me, would my life have changed? After all, it was in a conventional space of an IT job, that I agreed to the engagement in the first place. For the structuralists, RP,AD, SL and PP represent the alternative space, which helped in enabling my agency.

This is the space that women in Kerala do not have. No matter whatever structural changes the progressive state brings in, if you don't facilitate agency, social change will not happen. Agency needs an alternative space. A space, where 'emotion' is not looked down upon.

When you next make the argument against liberated women talking so much about their lives - recognize that, whatever liberation we, the so called 'liberated' have, is because we talked about it. Changing my life did not happen through a rational, structural policy change. It happened through emotional discourse between friends. I do acknowledge, that a progressive structure did support me. The emotions that women exhibit in their blogs, conversations and relationships is the alternate space women have created for themselves. Those are not 'mere' emotions. That, my friend, IS agency.

One argument that I expect to this 'personal account' is that, it is "my" story and that, it cannot be generalized. I would have accepted it before the advent of personal blogs. The fact, that my personal account is not atypical is demonstrated by the very personal blogs that we began criticizing in the beginning of this post. Why do so many women have so much personal accounts, in the first place? Why do all those women who talk about their personal lives, seem to be liberated? The reason is this - They do not talk about their lives, because they are liberated. They are liberated, because they talk about their lives. (The use of liberated is used in a popular sense.) The reason why women read other women's personal blogs is not for 'emotional porn' but because they want to experience that alternate space. By the way,the 'structural' alternate space.

Thus, the request to structuralists, is this. Thanks for the systemic changes. But do this for your women.
Encourage them to talk. Emotionally. It will change their lives.

The Santosh Pandit Phenomenon - The Psyche of the Male Malayalee Audience

2011-11-12T05:35:00.001+05:30

I never thought, I would write a post on Santosh Pandit. I thought, I should not give him any more airtime than what is already being done. I could not resist posting this one, though.In an egroup, when a discussion on Santosh came up, one of the members posted this mail to the group. Whenever I see these youtube videos and the comments on 'walls' that shared them, I knew I was uncomfortable. Both with his cinema and with the negativity that the sharers showed, but I never could articulate it. When I read this email, it felt like such a brilliant analysis of what was actually going on.
So, what you see here, was not intended to be a note, nor a post. It was an email. Therefore there are some references to some earlier mails but this 'mail' is a brilliant post by itself. Vinod, Thanks for letting me share this.

The following post was written by Vinod Narayanan.

As A and B mentioned, the film looks like the pits.
But perhaps that is the point.

Perhaps what this film or its maker is really saying that a section of the Malayali audience will make even something like Krishnanum Radheyum successful. That he understands the young and exclusively male audience perhaps even better than they do.Remember Pandit's line about him making a film that his audience deserves.

Now comes the dicey part of artistic merit.
As I have not seen the film, I cannot comment on that aspect.
However, based on the audience reactions so far, perhaps some observations can be drawn sight unseen.
I was hoping that at some point there would also be some kind of a discussion about the "other" factor in the Santhosh Pandit phenomenon - the audience which made Krishnanum Radheyum a success.

This is an exclusively male audience, a young male audience at that. And really, this has been the films main audience. I haven't seen a single lady in all of those clips of boisterous youngsters celebrating the film. Perhaps such a predominantly male atmosphere and the aggressive language that accompanies it, is not an environment that female audiences feel comfortable in.

At around this time 14 years ago, I was part of this kind of an primarily young male audience which rushed into and packed theatres in Kerala to see a film that another artist wrote. Now this artist was also intelligent enough to figure out what exactly his primarily young male audience craved.
This artist wrote out a screenplay which formed the template of many later films that he and others repeatedly cranked out to varying degrees of success.

The artist was Ranjith and that film was Aaraam Thamburam.

As he recently revealed in his eulogy for Mohan Raghavan, he was short of money, and he was approached by his friend Shaji Kailas not so much as to write a film, but to make a "package" around Mohanlal which had echoes of the character that he had written for Devasuram.
Now comes the interesting part.

The film that Ranjith envisioned, one which he believed would run even more successfully in Kerala in 1997 than Devasuram did four years before it, was one about a Nambudiri re-establishing his feudal rights
over a land. Ranjith excised the strong female character that Revathi played in Devasuram, that films nagging doubts about Neelakandan's true lineage - whether his madambi rights were truly his birthright or not, his
relationships with strong women including his mother.

In the place of the strong women he put in a paavam Warasyar, and a "modern" woman who comes to him from the North pining for his love. Note also the difference between how the story views the almost same character Chitra plays in the two films to see how women are viewed in Devasuram (sympathetically) and Aaaraam Thamburan (object of contempt). In place of doubts regarding Nair feudalism (already very weak doubts in Devasuram, but doubts nonetheless), Aaaraam Thamburan opts for full throated support of the Chaturvarna system with the Namboodiri as it's natural head.

Ranjith understood that these excisions and enhancements would ensure the films success. He was, in that sense, removing and adding in factors to guarantee commercial success.
How much insight must Ranjith have had into the young male Malayali psyche to have figured out that a primarily young male audience would accept such a storyline and all it's implications about caste, gender, religion and not only would they accept it, they would make it successful?

How deep must his insight have been about his audience to have understood that gender relationships and strong women were not only unnecessary, but could also threaten the success of a film?
How much insight must he have had into the sheer self-loathing that the youth of my generation carried within themselves that even after learning about the horrible effects that caste had on Kerala's history, they would make such a film a grand success?

In that sense, Santhosh Pandit is yet another exploiter of this self loathing that the new generation of young males in Kerala seem to carry within themselves.
Someone who understands that if he makes films which look cheap and amateurish and makes the dialogues as ridiculous as those found in the average Malayalam "superstar blockbuster" that these young male audiences adore, said audience would jeer him to success.
Someone who understands that this audience would pay good money to curse at a screen for three hours.
Someone who understands that the audience knows going in that the film is crap, but goes in anyway for the "privilege" of cursing away to their hearts content in exchange for a sum of money.
If Aaraam Thampuran exploited one part of the young male Malayali psyche to become successful, one which hankered for an imagined glorious feudal past, for unrestrained machismo and bravado in art, Krishnanum Radheyum seems to exploit another part of this psyche.
There have been other films that good-naturedly poke fun at the Malayalam cinema and it's stars (anyone remember Aparanmaar Nagaratthill?) or were absurdist from the get go (anyone remember My Dear Karadi?). I have seen both these films in a theatre on the first day (what can I say, I was young), but saw none of the sound and fury that seemed to accompany Krishnanum Radheyum.
Which leads me to believe that it is Pandit's single minded cynicism regarding his audience which seems to permeate the film's marketing, that makes his film a success and that it was the good-naturedness of the humor of the other two movies that made them fail.
It is here that matters of artistic merit become difficult to determine.
Could it be that for all it's technical flaws, Krishnanum Radheyum holds up yet one more mirror at the young male audience that it exploits?
If that is so, is it not art of a sort?
The commercial success of Krishnanum Radheyum should at least tell you as much about it's audience as it does about Santhosh Pandit.

I would not have said this and would have accepted that the audiences thronging to this film are in effect delivering a populist slap to the Malayalam film industry as many have said, but for the fact that I see this same audience thronging at the gates on the first day of Pokkiri Raja or Christian Bros. or Karyasthan.

Maybe there is some of that critiquing going on in the audience support of this film, and maybe these audiences truly are tired of such pap. But I'll believe it when I see films like Pokkiri Raja and Christian Bros. stop becoming grand successes.

At the moment the only thing I see about Santhosh Pandit which may alarm successful Malayalam film makers of recent "blockbusters", is that someone more cynical than them has entered the arena.

A Fetish

2011-09-12T12:36:00.001+05:30

Aval: You should send me chocolates for the days you don't talk to me
Avan: I never knew you had a fetish for chocolates.
Aval: I don't. I actually hate them.

Courtesy

Not my fault. Blame it on September.

Us and Them

2011-08-23T21:25:00.006+05:30

Is your facebook and twitter feed exploding with Anna Hazare updates. Mine is. The extreme polarization in these updates truly motivates me to write this post. I never thought I would. Also, because, somewhere along the way, I stopped for a moment and realized that my initial responses to this campaign was not completely rational.

During the first phase of the Hazare campaign, I was terribly cynical. Facebook activism, I thought. "The middle class just needs a high." My judgemental mind made its set of condescending statements. (Baba Ramdev, still inspires that in me) But otherwise, during the second phase, I think, I was getting tired of the other extreme that I saw in my twitter feeds. The complete disregard and disrespect for people who thought it was indeed their movement. That too, was facebook activism. Sitting in our comfort zone, and throwing stones at people who believed and acted on something that they thought was right.

Having said that, I am not here to say that I support the campaign.

My stand is, I support the possibility of any campaign and totally despise the threat that a people's movement can have. There are people on the streets. I may or may not agree with what they are asking for, but I will certainly support their right to voice their concerns and hold their representatives accountable for their commitments.

As I said before, the polarity tires me out. Hence this post.

The kNOTs in the Hazare Campaign

1. The Jan Lokpal bill itself

That the bill is too draconian by itself. That, while it tries to fight against the vested authority of the state, it assumes too much power by itself. I quote Tehelka, "It is too gargantuan; it centralises too much power in one institution; and it seeks to do too much. Several human rights and civil libertarian co-travellers have urged the Hazare team to achieve the same objectives through different means: most importantly, separate the oversight mechanism for the judiciary and grievance redressal from the Lokpal. The other contentious clause has been the inclusion of the prime minister under the Lokpal." One of criticism seems to be the grievance redressal powers of the Jan Lokpal. The suggestion has been to keep the bill restricted to anti-corruption alone. Moreover, the check on the Lok pal is said to be only the Supreme Court and not other structural mechanisms. I quote Shoma Chaudury, "The real trouble at the heart of the Jan Lokpal Bill as it was drafted by Anna Hazare’s team is that the structural changes it proposed relied heavily on a belief in the immaculate virtuousness of its champions. It deemed itself worthy of accruing immense, even unconstitutional, power because it believed itself to be incorruptible as individuals. Dangerously, personality had come to stand in for structure."

2. Do it my way, and Do it NOW

I guess, this is has been irritating, to say the least. Hazare started the August 16th fast with the "blackmail" that he would fast until death unless Parliament passed the Jan Lokpal Bill in this session and in its current form. That is where, powers of the parliament is being questioned and it is not democratic to usurp the policy/law making role of the parliament that too by a self elected civil society body. Also, one cannot ask for a bill to be passed without a debate and it is not fair to say, "debate for 4 days and pass it" , as Prashant Bhushan seems to be saying.

3. The politicians are bad people

The tone of the campaign is a little too distressing. For an apathetic middle class, pointing fingers at the politician comes easy. There have been ridiculous campaign emails going around, sometimes which even insults my intelligence. There is clearly a conscious strategy to vilify politicians. As a strategy, I think the Hazare team has used this to catch the imagination of the middle class and it was dot on target! However, in the larger scheme of things, it is short sighted to do that, considering that this legislation is only one small tool against corruption.

4. Tall tall tall tall claims

Pass the bill and corruption will reduce by 65%. Really?? This is just one piece of legislation. We should never forget that. This is one more weapon. It is not the end all of corruption. Such tall claims are just too misleading for a genuine campaign. Again, you insult my intelligence. There is no doubt, that there is the need for a strong anti corruption law, but that will not turn black into white in one day. The claim is complemented by the silence, my next point.

5. The Silence

For me, this has been the rather uncomfortable part of the campaign. If the middle class has been terribly disturbed by the 2G scam, I wonder why there is complete silence regarding the other side of the corruption game - the corporates. The Hazare campaign and the people supporting the movement have maintained a convenient silence about that. I quote Prakash Karat , " If you look at the growth of corruption in the last two decades, you can see it basically stemming from the nature of the economic regime in our country — this big business-politicians-bureaucrat nexus. The nexus comes from the fact that you have a State, a government that facilitates the takeover of resources and assets by big business and formulates policies accordingly. In every major corruption scandal there are corporates behind it.If you look at it purely as a matter of the corruption of an individual minister or a bureaucrat, you are missing the woods for the trees. To tackle corruption in the legislative, executive and judicial arms of the State, you have to make changes in the political system and this economic regime. You can’t have policies that facilitate this loot."

I wonder, how the middle class would respond to this. We would not dare to restrict corporates, would we? We need them. We adore them. Our future, depends on them.

6. Moral high ground of the middle class

We bribe. Somehow, in this campaign, there seems to be this complete washing off of our responsibility in this entire issue. The politicians want us to pay. Yes, they do. But dont we pay when we want an out of turn process. Dont we despise the wait? We want to speed up our papers, right? We want to run past that signal.We want to drink and drive. We dont want to wear that seat belt. For some time in life, lets take a good hard look at ourselves.

Then, there is this criticism about people making this, a facebook activism. There are jokes on those who go for the rally, and put up photos on facebook. Well, in this case, I think, the cynic is the joker here. If they have taken the pains to be on the street, for something that they believe in, it does become their movement. It is equally undemocratic to say, "your protest is not deep."

7. Media that chooses its campaigns

The media has been widely criticized for choosing its battles as per what sells to the middle class. This is not the only protest in the country. Irom's protest is now talked about, only because of the obvious lack of space it has in the mainstream media. I dont expect that everyone should voice their concern for Irom, but the media certainly needs to do that, right?

8. Who is associated with the campaign?

This is my biggest put off regarding the campaign. The day I saw religious leaders, RSS leaders on the stage with Hazare, alarm bells rang in my head. No way! I said. The last straw, was Hazare praising Modi. Then I saw, Ram Jethmalani placing his commitment for the cause. Yes, the same Ram Jethmalani who was the attorney for Kani Mozhi, Manu Sharma, Ketan Parekh, Harshad Mehta. I feared the day, he would be the legal advisor for the Lokpal.

Having said that, this article by Niveditha Menon, did make me think. "Any mass movement brings together disparate and sometimes starkly contradictory tendencies.", she says. I cannot say it better, when she says, "Our problem is that our search for purity is all too often an expression of deep insecurity. A friend said to me recently, “But don’t you see, the RSS can piggyback on Anna Hazare’s movement?” So why aren’t we piggybacking on it? What’s stopping us? The Hindu Right enters the movement against the Tehri dam, and promptly the Left forces move away, fearing pollution, leaving them a clear field. Another friend calls this the saffronizing of the green – could it not, if ‘we’ continued to be present there, become the greening of saffron?"

I guess, this is not an easy one to answer. The religious forces in this country have sometimes gone beyond our imagination in terms of their influence on the Indian mind. All religion based violence, India has seen seems to be very straightforwardly ridiculous and yet, we have seen it. The fear, I think, is therefore genuine.

Phew! This was not supposed to be an anti-Hazare post. I have something more to say!!!

The State is NOT a Saint

1. The Lokpal bill of the government

There have been sane voices in the media, which also point out the mal-intention of the government in the way, they have drafted the bill. I quote Tehelka

The Selection and removal process of the Lokpal is faulty, compromising its independence from the government
It creates provisions to penalise complainants for frivolous and vexatious complaints. This could lead to harassment of whistleblowers
It has no oversight mechanism for middle and lower bureaucracy
It has justifiably removed the higher judiciary from the ambit of the Lokpal. But the government makes no commitment for an effective Judicial Accountability and Standards Bill
It has a faulty and inadequate grievance redressal mechanism
The bill does not even mention the need to protect whistleblowers
Its definition of corruption is limited in scope and coverage
It makes no provisions for the creation of state Lokayuktas. This is a huge lacunae, as it will require individual agitations in every state to push this through

2. The State can be non-responsive

Lets not forget that. In the online media, the other side has now become this big protector and advocate for the state, completely forgetting that the state can be non-responsive too. If the media is criticized for not taking Irom's cause, so can the government be called to task. Why has Irom been fasting for ten years? Because the state refuses to engage. Why has the Maoist issue become this worse? Because the state refused to engage in dialogues and resorted to force. The state is no angel. If you think it was justifiable for the state to arrest Hazare for his campaign, however much you hate his methods, you are giving the state the power to curb any such campaign - and that includes people like Irom. The State went to fall at Baba Ramdev's feet, and responded to Hazare's demands ONLY because the camera was on them. If not, they would not. Therefore, while blaming the Hazare team for "blackmailing" the government with fast to death, you must realize that sometimes, the state will talk ONLY when such measures are resorted to. What is the right time for that measure, is a formula that every activist would love to learn!

2. Parliament should frame the bill, but sometimes, it just does not DO it

The biggest retort against the Hazare team has been that, they are taking the reigns of the parliament. Suddenly, there is this new found respect for the power of the Parliament, that they are supposed to make the law. Great! But this bill has been pending for 42 years. The Lokpal Bill has been introduced in the Parliament eight times in the past four decades. Remember the Women's Reservation Bill? It is lying the Parliament for more than 13 years. It is quite clear why these two bills dont pass in the Parliament. One is about holding themselves accountable and the other is about sharing power. There is certainly conflict of interest in both cases. It does sound ironical to see that those alleged with the crime are given the responsibility to design accountability mechanisms to curb it. Obviously 42 years! Lets not be naive. There are crooks in the Parliament. By the way, while I was researching on Ram Jethmalani, I realized that he was a Minister for three times! So, whether I wanted it or not, instead of being legal advisor, he could very well be the decision maker!

3. Civil Society has a role to play

We do follow a decentralized governance mechanism. It is true that it does not work the way it was meant to be, but hey, our democracy is designed for civil society interventions. The Gram Sabha in the village, is the highest form of civil society intervention. We are supposed to have a say in policies of this country. To say, that the parliament will make the laws, does not mean that we have no role. Ideally, we should be playing the role of the Hazare team for every single activity in our municipality and panchayat.

Then, the second question is about whether this team of civil society has been elected and whether it represents us or not. Maybe, it was not elected. But most certainly, the people on the streets who came to the Ram Lila Maidan, do think, Hazare represents them. Karan Thapar did say, that only "45%" of the people have heard about the bill, but last I remember, the voter turn out in Mumbai was around 40% for the municipal elections. Dont latch on to that one - i am just trying my hand on punch lines! The common man in Tamil Nadu did press the button and to vote out the corrupt DMK this time. So, yes. Democracy works!

But the point is, it is the ostrich phenomenon to say, that the Hazare campaign does not represent anyone or that it is a middle class "cheap thrill" mechanism.

I quote again from Niveditha, "He collapses all support to Hazare as emanating from the elite middle classes of the gated colonies with an exaggerated sense of their own entitlements. But what I see both on TV and around me in Delhi, is the outnumbering of those middle-classes by a sort of aspirational lower-middle-class-to-working class population, some of whom may sometimes go to KFC as a treat, but certainly not those with whom we would have a drink or engage with socially.............But there are also workers (auto drivers, dabbawalas, railway workers of MP).... Chandrabhan Prasad derisively said on a TV panel – where are the Dalits in that movement? And one girl in the studio audience stood up and said, ‘I’m Dalit, and there are many of us out there."

Finally, the ONLY reason the government is paying attention to this movement, is because it represents people and is afraid of losing power!

4. Complacency of UPA II

I borrow this point from a friend of mine. We have heard our prime minister moan about the banes of coalition politics many a time. Seriously, thats our problem??? You are our Prime Minister. Thats your job! Although, we would like to say that all politicians are corrupt, its not the complete truth. Many of our politicians in our mainstream parties are not corrupt (no allegations) - Manmohan Singh, A K Anthony, Kapil Sibal, Narendra Modi, Pranab Mukherjee, A K Advani and most of the politicians in the Left parties. (Religious fanaticism is not corruption.) However, the same cannot be said of the current coalition partners of the Congress today. Lalu Prasad Yadav, Amar Singh and the DMK have been known for their corrupt practices. We cannot expect them to hold the government accountable in their governance. Neither can we expect the congress to take immediate action, when these coalition partners are corrupt. The corrupt will have to be given space in the cabinet and be made ministers even when they are known to be corrupt. It is highly possible that the UPA turns complacent in this comfort zone of corrupt partners. Thus, there is a clear role for public uprising to make them uncomfortable. Ideally the opposition should be playing that role. But BJP has been silenced by its own dear Yeddy boy! Well, then who can play that role? Our parliamentarians only represent us. It does not mean, we dont have a voice. We could also hold the government accountable.

While the Lokpal Bill is not the be all and end all of corruption, this movement is most certainly an opportunity to question the norm. While the Hazare campaign has been often termed as a middle class entertainment, corruption is an issue that affects all classes of society as Niveditha says, "

"This movement is centrally about corruption, and corruption touches every single life in India. It touches the labourers whose muster rolls are faked, it touches the agricultural worker whose NREGA payment is swallowed up, it touches every poor undertrial and prisoner in jail on trumped up charges (was it surprising then, that the undertrials in Tihar fasted in solidarity with Anna?), it touches the farmer whose land is seized to be passed on to corporates, an issue mentioned by Anna Hazare in his speech at Ramlila Maidan (kisanon ki zameen zabardasti chheeni ja rahi hai)....And you tell me there is “no mention of poverty” in this movement?"

The polarity in this debate has been distressing. The hate campaigns at both sides are working strategically in terms of gaining momentum but most certainly lack vision. This is high time, to step back and take some constructive steps

"Instead of demonizing the bill Anna Hazare group and campaign, it [govt] should have understood that the JLB has critiques from extremely well meanning and thinking individuals from witihin the civil society itself. So in good faith, it should have broadened this debate. It can still do so. It can invite a much larger discussion on both drafts of the bill... The government's draft of the bill is an extremely bad intentioned and badly drafted bill and the Anna Hazare team is right to be angry. But because there own bill is faulty , he govt should be inviting a much larger debate on both drafts of the bill so that at the end, what this campaign will achieve is an exytremly well argued, rationalized piece of legislation which accomplishes the aims. And what are the aims? It is to be able to curb corruption by creating oversight mechanisms that are transparent, have no conflict of interest and have teeth. But that which is not centralized by itself. It is fairly easy to come up with such law like that if this debate happens in a less polarized and less angry environment. Today the initiative for that lies squarely in the govt.'s court and not necessarily in the Anna Hazare team, because it is for the govt to take the initiative and I hope in the days to come, that is what the govt will do."

If you reached till here, I'll let you enjoy this brilliant song from Pink Floyd - Us and Them

Always feels great to let it cool with Floyd :)

Me, and you
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do

....

Black and Blue
And who knows which is which and who is who

Up and Down
And in the end it's only round and round and round
Haven't you heard it's a battle of words

Buddha says, smile

2011-07-18T07:56:00.000+05:30

Warning: Long post ahead!

It is interesting that this post follows the previous one on neursoscience. Of course, I had read the book, particularly because I was expecting to write this post. The last few days of my life were spent on completing the 10day course on Vipassana, something I had wanted to do for many many years. It finally took a deadline, finally to get me to do the course. I was not sure, how the course would end up.

Would I even complete the course, given the tough requirements? Or would I quit mid way?

Based on other people’s response to the course, there was an expectation of a “feeling” by the end of the course? Would I get that feeling? How would I face the world, in case I don’t experience that? Ha! That was the funniest fear of them all. Imagine! One is about to attend a course on spirituality, and what an atrociously horrific expectation from a supposedly spiritual activity. However, I realized that reading this post, or other people’s experience about the course, would not really affect any one’s actual experience during those ten days. Therefore, this post, is just my experience in this spiritual journey.

Vipassana is supposedly the meditation technique that was discovered by the Buddha. This was the technique which helped him attain ‘enlightenment”. Buddha had gone to several teachers to attain the path to enlightenment. Not satisfied with any of the teachings, he had continued to do several experiments with himself, trying to seek answers to his quest. Details about the history of the technique and the course started by d S N Goenka can be seen in many videos here.

Liberation as I understood from these ten days

Live in the present:

In my very dilettante interest in spirituality, one of the things that I had always read about was that, one of the causes for unhappiness was that one’s thoughts always rested either in the past or the future. If we knew the art of living the moment, not many of our worries, would have much of a space in our lives. And yet, how easily said, than done! Many a technique, uses either a word (like Om) to rest our wandering mind. Vipassana however means, seeing things as they really are. This meant, that we were trained to still our mind by concentrating on our very natural breath. If one were regulating breath, there would have been some act happening, and concentration would have been a simpler task. But here, we were expected to still our minds by concentrating on an activity which we barely notice, everyday – breathing! It was funny, to say the least. I would start observing my breath….. suddenly I notice, I am thinking about the facebook update I would put up, once I reach back home. Thoughts wandered like crazy. Beautiful day dreams of the future and I would indulge in them. They felt so nice! Sometimes, tears would accompany some memory of a sad moment in the past. It was not traumatic for me, as much as it was, for some others, but the extent to which my thoughts could wander was a revelation.

Law of impermanence:

Most people, who have read even the basics of Buddha’s teachings, would have heard of how he preached that “desire was the cause of all misery.” This teaching was well explained through the law of impermanence in nature. When the person who desires and the object of desire, is in a constant notion of change, how can there not be disappointment, and consequent misery. If one develops feelings of aversion or craving for a changing object, it would indeed result in unhappiness. On the other hand, we ourselves are in the process of evolution, that we get bored of the things once we craved for. Craving, by itself, is what we crave for - the Buddha says.

Secondly, these feelings of craving and aversion become a reality in the form of several “impurities” such as anger, passion, greed, hatred and so on, the Buddha says. As long as one is alive, one would come in touch with objects of desire. Therefore, the path to enlightenment was to train ourselves, not to react to these objects of desire.

This too was not new. People have been saying this for years. Control anger. Control greed. Spread love and compassion. Let not sexual passion overcome one’s senses. And yet, this preaching remained as abstract words. How was one to control anger? How was one to control greed? Often it is said, one must divert one’s attention to something else. Or else, call it “suppression”. But it was going to be there within us, anyways. So, the Buddha says, “Don’t suppress. Don’t express. Just observe.”

For an enlightened one, observing anger at the moment of anger must have been possible. Observing one’s sexual passion as it arises during the moment would seem a reality. But for the ordinary person, this was an uphill task. Buddha’s contribution to spirituality was a technique which taught ordinary people a very experiential, practical method to “observe” these impurities as they occurred. Of course, the Buddha also says, this technique was not going to be a short cut but rather a path with the foundation of “good conduct”. Surely, one does not expect to lead an evil and negativity filled life and expect to be happy. Vipassana teaches one to practice the method of observing “body sensations” as manifestations of these “impurities”.

Our body, like any object of matter is made of atomic particles which are in constant motion. So, why look outside to understand the law of impermanence? If one were to gain enough concentration of the mind, we would be able to feel this constant mode of change happening within our bodies itself. So the Buddha says. Even within these ten days, one does start observing these body sensations. For some people, they start experiencing sensations throughout the body - quite a “nirvanic” feeling. And yet, a dangerous place to be in, because, this technique was not about making us feel good. It was about, us experiencing this constant state of impermanence happening within our own body. There are times, we might experience unpleasant sensations. One has to sit for an hour continuously to meditate – there could be numbness, there could be pain, there could be just the inconvenience of sitting still. How do we react to this unpleasant feeling? How do we react to the pleasant feeling of nirvana? Can we remain equanimous during these sensations as we experience them? Will we crave for “nirvana” and will we crib about the numb leg? Or will we tell ourselves, both these feelings are indeed impermanent. The “free flow through the body”, although pleasant, will die away. The numbness will dissolve. Why react to either, when they are going to change, anyways? Which is why, the idea of the nirvanic feeling was not important. It did not matter, whether one felt it or not. Ever heard of the phrase, “You cannot want nirvana. That would take you miles away from it.” Although, I have always understood it intellectually, here was a method that could help me experience, not wanting nirvana!

The idea is that as we practice Vipassana, daily, we train our mind not to react to these body sensations. Also, during our daily interactions, one would slowly train themselves to observe body sensations at moments of anger, passion or grief. Apparently, a practicing vipassana meditator will automatically start observing sensations and his mind would also have been trained, not to react to differing sensations.

I think, only a man/woman of great intelligence can convert abstract topics into simple, practical realities, which was best understood by the common man. Breath was converted to the most pristine form of present. Nirvana has been explained as an experience through body sensations

To me, that was Buddha at his best.

It sounded very practical to me. This was not a healing mechanism, but something which could become a way of life. Of course, there were many things which were appealing about the course. It was non sectarian. It was not an organized religion, neither did it portray itself as one. There were no rituals or rites. It was a course – that taught a technique.

It was not commercialized. This course is taught for free. A student of the course, should not donate. One is supposed to get the course, from the charity of others. The logic for this, was also interesting. One of the by products, or means of achieving enlightenment was the destruction of the immense attachment that one has to the “self”. During these ten days, one is supposed to live like a monk, with a begging bowl – how small should be one’s ego to beg, right? However the course is run on the donations of older students. If one feels that one has benefited from the course, one could donate. The non commercial aspect of the course was highly appealing to me. The course was also conducted in a rather, simplistic and low cost method. There is really no secret about the course, unlike some other forms. Which is why, you would find a lot of material on Vipassana in the net. We could talk about the technique. After all, the idea was to spread it anyways!

Love and Vipassana

As I said before, my mind wandered quite a lot. Somewhere in the middle of the course, I was thinking, “I like most of the things about the course. But not to react to anything? Not even to love? Was not the feeling of utmost passion of the feeling of love, a celestial feeling by itself? Was that not nirvanic? Even when one loses out on love, and is unhappy to the core, would one ever trade the experience, for a state of calm?” Somehow, I felt that I was not aligned to Buddha’s notion of love. When it came to love, maybe I should turn to Krishna. I have never understood the character, completely, but he seemed to be spreading so much love in the world.

I got an answer, somewhere along the way during the course.

That, I was being deeply dishonest, when I said, that I loved someone else. The truth hit me, when during one of the discourses, Mr. Goenka said, “We only love ourselves.” Even the love that one professes for one’s child is born from self-love with an expectation of a favour in return. Why was I anxious when my “object of love” does not call? Why was I dejected, when the person I love does not return my passion? What was it about me, that I express anger over his flirting with someone else? Was it love, care or compassion for him? Of course, not. It was indeed, all about me. When my professed love was centred around me, what was the logic of my getting tremendously depressed about an act of self interest from the other end. I was doing the same, in the pretence of “love”!

Possibly, this was my biggest take away from the course. As I have said before, the delusion of love, has often left me indulge in a vortex of self pity and sorrow. If only I realize that it was only caused by my own self love!

Then, does this mean that there is no space for love and compassion?

The Buddha says, once we realize this truth of attachment to self, we would have started the true journey of love. If we can be aware of this self love, that was determining our professed love and thus change, that would lead the path to true love. Nirvanic! Maybe, Krishna and Buddha may not have been too different in their notions of love, after all.

To me, this “object of love” also represents my yardstick in the journey of spirituality. There is no other person/object/situation that brings the range of emotion that this one person can. Love, hate, compassion, jealousy, passion, regret, guilt, care, pity and self pity – you name it and I would have felt it. There is not going to be better space to measure one’s growth in this journey ;-)

Spirituality and Science

Here, I tread into dangerous paths. As long as, I would have played along in the field of spirituality, the scientists would not have bothered. They would feel that, this was one more person in the irrational world, among the many other stupid ones. Maybe, they are right.

However, VS’s book and this course seemed to run in parallel in my head. What were the sensations that the Buddha was talking about? Even VS had talked about how “pain” was often felt in the phantom arm due to earlier conditioned signals. Was there a mental aspect to pain? Can these sensations be explained through neurons and brain imaging techniques?

To me, this would open up the possibility of a health regime for the mind. Like physical exercises that one does for the body why isn’t there a mental exercise for the mind or the brain, as one would like to call it? Instead of “curing” mental diseases using strong external medicines, why shouldn’t one build a preventive method into one’s lives? Meditattion is suggested by many doctors today also, but that is supposedly, the unscientific part of the doctor who suggests this, isn't it? It is not an accepted medical possibility.

Personally for me, I would need to try out Vipassana and see if there are indeed positive effects in my life. Even if it worked, I think, there are two categories of people, this would not reach. One is the fanatically religious sections, who cannot imagine the idea of “not asking for favours from a god” and thus following rituals. This technique does not offer the comforts of a false hope. It says, things may happen outside which is sometimes beyond our expectation. But unhappiness is created by ourselves, within our minds and bodies and we could unlearn that habit. Second, is the scientific community, which would not accept anything that is not explained rationally or proved. If only, one could explain the results if any, it could reach to both these larger population sections.

Although Goenka says, it is a scientific method there were some unanswered links. He also talks about accumulated karmas of past life and speaks of liberation in the context of cycles of lives. Also, he talks about how our earlier reactions of anger, passion and greed can be removed from our body through this technique. I am not sure how such things happen. Thankfully, he is aware of a rational mind’s discomfort to such declarations. So he says one can choose not to believe.

One need not look at it as a path towards enlightenment or liberation.

But surely, we all yearn to be happy, don’t we? It does seem worth a try.

Just a few links, on your way out, if you managed to read till here!

The Tell Tale Brain

2011-06-28T19:13:00.035+05:30

The Tell Tale Brain : Unlocking the Mystery of Human Nature is neuroscience simplified.
By the way, this is not a review:)

After I read the first chapter, I thought this book would be a life changing experience. Having read the book, I realize it is not.

But the interesting part of the book was this realization itself. That one need not expect life changing experiences to grow, in life. After all, the story of our existence is attributed to evolution, isn't it?

I quote the author when he says,

By comparison, the sciences of the mind-psychiatry, neurology, psychology-languished for centuries. Indeed, until the last quarter of the twentieth century, rigorous theories of perception, emotion,cognition and intelligence were nowhere to be found. For most of the twentieth century, all we had to offer in the way of explaining human behaviour was two theoretical edifices - Freudianism and behaviorism -both of which would be dramatically eclipsed in the 1980s and 1990s, when finally neuroscience finally managed to advance beyond Bronze Age...... In the last decade we have even seen neuroscience becoming self-confident enough to start offering ideas to disciplines that have traditionally been claimed by humanities"

I started reading this book specially for the last chapter - An Ape with a Soul:How Introspection Evolved.

I was trained in human resources management for two years. During those two years, we spend a lot of time learning about self awareness. We also learned Freud. Freud actually gave me some answers to my own shortcomings.
Oh, by the way, shortcomings ? How do I know that?
Those two years started my journey of self reflection and introspection. So, some of us really did 'learn' self awareness through training. Consequently, my faith in psychology was strengthened and I started believing in it. Many people have questioned the value that HR can add to companies, especially from the point of view of behavioural changes. The debate that led me to the book was actually about a base to those organization behaviour theories - psychology.

But this book does not negate psychology as I thought it would, but rather makes it far more precise; or so I felt. For many, psychology appears to be some sort of a mumbo jumbo, something that does not seem "exact" and therefore very difficult to prove.
After all, if I were to discuss the motivation behind money with someone, they might find the two factor theory too simplified. And yet, if we were to look around, and study why people took the decisions that they did, regarding the choice of employer, there would seem to be many more different parameters. As someone who genuinely believes in such theories, I often find myself frustrated, when the other person, just does not "get" it. It was too vague and had a very high probability of being wrong. There were too many gaping holes, so it was felt.
As I said, I started reading this book, to understand the opposite argument. It turned out to be a kind of an explanatory argument. I am excited, mostly because it helps me communicate abstract topics to the so called left brained ones, who need science to explain all the phenomena in the world.

I promise. I am not making fun. Not after reading this book. Science has suddenly become so much fun. (Although I admit, I ceremoniously went past any word that sounded liked reticular formation, corpus callosum, cerebral cortex etc) At the same time, this book also acknowledges several unanswered questions even within neuroscience. There are a million mysteries about the human mind, and the human species continues to be interesting. Don't worry ;-)

Although, a curiosity to know the argument lead to the book, I stumbled upon something truly remarkable, that simplified a rather abstract, but important topic for me: Spirituality

I am not sure if the author meant to communicate that or even considers the subject as something worth spending time on. It is important to me and looks like I strive to find answers, even in science.

One of the constant quests in spirituality has always been the attempt to take the "I" out of the equation. Theoretically, the idea is clear to me. Real freedom is when I am free of the "I" - a very difficult proposition indeed. Especially because, it seems so abstract. How does one do it? After all, even the existence of this world, depends on 'my' perception of it.
What this book did for me, was to make it simple.

"Imagine: The only thing separating your consciousness from another's might be your skin."

The best part about the book, for me, was how it "ridicules" (for lack of a better word) our tendency to consider ourselves 'important' enough to protect our privacy and independence. (Goodness. This is brilliant. I am mocking "independence" in this blog) The author says that people feel let down when they are informed that their "conscious self emerges "simply" from the mindless agitation of atoms and molecules in their brains." I don't. I feel liberated; for it is thus proved in understandable terms that the "idea of I" is indeed an illusion.

Let me leave you with yet another quote from the book:

"Despite its vehement tendency to assert its privacy and independence, the self actually emerges from a reciprocity of interactions with others and with the body it is embedded in. When it withdraws from society and retreats from its own body it barely exists; at least not in the sense of mature self that defines our existence as human beings"

Hope I made it clear. Don't miss the experience. Find a copy, today. Whether you like science, art, humour or even emotions,this book has it all.

Four minutes

2011-04-27T23:05:00.010+05:30

Beautiful

Radical

Why the declaration, "I am not a feminist"?
C.S. Chandrika in Mathrubhoomi Weekly 17th April 2011

Ya..... Life.

CSAAM April 2011 - I was a good girl

2011-04-12T20:26:00.029+05:30

After 12 days of tussling with the idea, I have finally decided to write. I have been re-tweeting a number of tweets on Child Sexual Abuse(CSA) by @CSAAwareness and the survivor stories shared in the CSA blog. Last time I wrote about CSA, I received a comment asking me whether I was being paranoid. At that point, I really did not have the courage to say exactly what I felt like saying. But this time, having read all the stories in the CSA blog, I think its time to tell my friends why I am not being paranoid about CSA, when I talk about it.

To begin with, let me share a poem, I wrote a few years back. It was to be published in book named "Sheher" but the project was stalled. (blowing my own trumpet ;-)). "Sheher" would have been a collection of urban poetry by Indian women. My submission seems to be quite apt to be shared here. Mind you, I dont write poetry, but I wrote this.

I thought I was a good girl

I thought I was a good girl
Mummy counted till ten
I finished my milk on eight
So given to authority
I was my teacher's pet

Dad's friend dropped by
Stayed home, a few days
Dark corners, beneath the stairs
Even the sacred pooja room
Were the gods watching?

He was nice and soft
But most of all
I remember he taught me
A few new things
Funny, it felt
Dont know what it meant
It wasn't bad
It was just numb and queer
Numb and queer!
Didn't know these words then
Language betrayed.
I could not tell mom
I just drank the milk
That was long ago
He still hangs around
In different forms
I am thinking, I can’t decide
Can I blame him? Or him? Or him?
Can I?
Because, you know,
I thought I was a good girl
I finished my milk on eight

I shall refrain from saying anything about the abuse per se, only because its not important. Consider me saying, "been there, done that" and I would not wish it even on an abuser's child. Only to answer those who still doubt whether its all a big noise, I would like to tell you that I had the misfortune of having encountered two abusers over a sustained period of time before I was 10 and I know it started sometime when I was 4. Also consider many of the items on the checklist ticked - the abusers were known members of the family, i did not talk about it and kept it secret, the abuse continued with other children in the family and when shared with some elder cousins, was scoffed off as our imagination. Nightmares and a few other long term impacts do keep me company. I hope you do not brush past the blogs and tweets like its another "cause". It happens, close to us, and it leaves a scar that one takes a lifetime to deal with.

In a few weeks time, I am 'turning 30'. Yuck! I hate it. Well, that is for another post ;-). But if there is something I am glad about the grey hair on my head, its this - that many of my issues are no longer just mine and therefore the need to share. You, the reader, needs to know that, a person you knew, has been abused. Its much closer home. Get that, if you can. And therefore this post is also more about the healing process rather than about the abuse itself.

The first thing I have to tell you is that, I no longer feel like a victim. Seriously. Which is why I loved this movie too - Hard Candy. It is a 2005 psychological thriller film focusing on the confrontation between an assumed sexual predator and a not so innocent 14-year-old girl. See this movie to realise that the abuser is not necessarily a social outcast or a slimy old man. It could be someone as handsome as Patrick Wilson

Ellen Page, like always, is brilliant and you will wish every girl was as intelligent. Ya, although, not as violent! "Just because a girl knows how to imitate a woman, does not mean that she is ready to do what a woman does" She says. The movie is wonderful because it understands the nuances and the complexities that often shrouds child sexual abuse and the many excuses that abusers have. There is no excuse and when a fourteen year old tells you that - the message is clear.

Here's a scene from the movie.

I have felt as angry but not anymore. My first step in the healing process was when I attended the World Social Forum in Bombay in the year 2004. I guess, I naturally wandered into a stall on child sexual abuse and saw a movie. I think I realised for the first time, that I was not alone and felt how empowered one could feel by talking about it openly. It was an education for me. That, what happened was not something I needed to be ashamed about. The healing process had begun. In TISS, it became further easy as there were several social work students, who were dealing with victims of abuse and talking about it, became further normal. There are a few more battles to be won. But the biggest hurdle of 'guilt' is crossed, I think. I would also not hesitate to take professional help like counseling or therapy.

Why am I writing this post?

I have to admit. Its difficult.

And yet, I think its time for families to read. I am not too sure how my family will respond. I have seen them and many like them, so disturbed at the mention of sexual abuse, that I am scared, they may not respond well, given a situation. You would read in the CSA Awareness blog that your reaction to a victim's first disclosure is CRITICAL. Your own comfort in discussing these issues is what will even enable him/her to talk about the issue if the child happens to go through such an experience. Stop being an ostrich. Open up to the issue.

If you are someone who has gone through abuse, I hope you realise you can survive it too. I hope you will take professional help, if that is what is needed for leading a normal life. I hope, you know, you dont have to live with depression, eating disorders, low self esteem and intimacy issues in your relationship. I hope you know, you dont have to wait till 30 to start talking about it. Most importantly, I hope you will stop feeling and behaving like a victim. Get on with life. If possible, heal. If you can, take responsibility to spread the message and save our children. That too, can help you heal. It helped me. It is not about us anymore. It is about the safety of our children.

If you know me personally, that's fine too. I hope you realize it happens in our world. If possible, refrain from judging.

I repeat. Its not about me, anymore.

--------------------------------------------------------

This post comes as part of the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month – April 2011 blog. The CSAAM April 2011 is an effort by a group of bloggers, both parents and non parents, to bring this topic to the fore, to generate discussion and awareness and remove the shroud of silence that covers it. To participate, you could link your facebook note to their facebook page, you could mail them your contribution at csa.awareness.april@gmail.com or you could write in your blog with their badge and link it to the main blog, like I've done here. You could also follow them at @CSAAwareness in twitter. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will be honoured. Please do write to csa.awaresness.april@gmail.com with the necessary links so that your posts do not get lost.

Take a look at their home page: http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/ You will also find information about several organisations working in the area of CSA. Please do reach out.

If you are parent, Parents Handbook on Pre venting CSA could be handy. This too is available in the resources section in the CSA Awareness blog.

As an appendix, find below a list of some of the tweets from CSA Awareness, It gives you a one glance information about what is an abuse, how you can detect abuse, long term impacts of CSA, some tips of dealing with CSA once you detect it and how to prevent CSA. The numbers given here, are based on the study conducted by RAHI. The study, titled Voices from the Silent Zone, is a research report based on the statistics of 600 women who share their experiences of CSA.

If you have something to share and dont have a blog, I will be happy to let you do a guest post here.

Take care :)

India are World Champions: World Cup 2011

2011-04-03T02:56:00.013+05:30

I am sheepish here. For the last few weeks, I spend many tweets cursing all the noise around cricket. And yet, the excitement took over. So, years from now, to remind myself, I was so bloody happy for a master blaster of a team, this post is here.

April 2nd 2011, India took the world cup back, in style and....I witnessed it!
(this is to make my children, grand children, future nieces and nephews, friends' children and grandchildren jealous)

To remind myself, that I loved Gautam Gambhir for his cool 97, that this man went slow and steady knowing well, the need for the singles and the doubles...

To remind myself, that this was a finals of equals and that, Mahela Jayawardene from Sri Lanka, too was awesome...

And that Dhoni said this at the presentation when Ravi Shastri asked him about how he was responding to critics about his not so great performance for the previous games. In the finals, Dhoni came out with a brilliant 91.
The conversation was something like this:

Ravi: Is this a good way to ask people to shut up?
Dhoni: Well..... in India, that would be considered rude!

Of course, to remind me, that sometimes, sports can do what nothing else can :)

5 years Running: The Super Con Act

2011-03-31T02:49:00.023+05:30

I was not planning to write any anniversary post or anything. I just ended up reading my most favourite blog in the world and then felt sad and nostalgic.

Well, I miss depth. Terribly. Haven't read something like this in a long time. Anywhere.

So, whats happened in these five years? I am a little more confident, like in life. Maybe its a loser's confidence, that you've lost it all and you walk around oozing confidence because thats the only last link left to the shore. Put all the lights, make all the noise, show all the jazz.Ya right. As if.

Have you heard me talk about the most needed balance in life? I know why i do that. Someone must have told me that the sign of maturity is the ability to see all sides and to understand how the truth lies in the shades of gray. I used to say that earlier too, but still made strong stupid opinions too. Ya, i know - i was honestly passionate. This thing about balance and to say the truth stuff, is just an old woman's way of saying, that she has given up. Bloody hell!

No, i dont know if i have given up. Seems like. Then, seems like not. Whatever the answer, i have people to blame.

I do make opinions, in these groups and so on about issues and stuff. Oh what a bore, i've become! "You are the biggest feminist i know and yet you hang your life on someone's words" . I have a remedy for that. I am not a feminist. Dont you know? Some shit about not committing to some 'sism' and all. Comeon! Give me break. Atleast, when you were 12, you were honest enough to fight with boys, and say, "girls are better". Now there is a bit of that tired ghost.

A painting, whose artist's name I forgot to note

This is the best part. I have this new found love for Madhavikutty. Hell, dont you realise, you are not Madhavi kutty. All those you know, who behave like Madhavikutty are not her, either. When did depression become this living room conversation. "I am depressed. I feel intensely." What a load full of crap? Emotional outbursts are the biggest sham of this century. Get a grip. Get on with life. Everyone has pretty much the same issues. You are no goddess.

Like they said about Marilyn Monroe once, that her real and reel life got intertwined so close, that she stopped realising when one ended and the other started. I feel the same. When am i acting, when am i feeling? Do I even know when i am gassadichufying in this blog, anymore? I dont even know, if i am faking this post. But its not as bad as the new sms language that these kids seem to be using these days. When did 'my' become 'ma' and 'this 'become 'dis'? Can we respect the language please?

Dear hate mail sender, keep your stupid mails to yourself. I am not publishing them, anyways. Don't bother writing them. And yes, even if i fake them, I'll continue to write them. Its my blog.

But am I glad, that I am done with the liberation/independence/freedom thing. That's the only time, I feel so glad to have grown up.Who is independent and who is dependable? Its all one big charade.

I have too many people reading this blog. Shut the fu%k up!

Then, like an unexpected rain on a hot summer day, someone mailed me on his 30th birthday. I have met him once, in person; mailed him maybe 5 times, chatted 3 times. I did not know when his birthday was. He ended this mail about his last ten years with "To all my friends who have made my life worthwhile over the past ten years." I did not even know, he referred to me as friend.

This mom wished her son would study films, because it was his life long passion. The poor woman thought, putting this written wish in this glass box would make a difference. She also put a heart, before she signed "mom". But, of course she was true.

Ya, its not all bad. I hope i forgive myself.
But do you know what could make it better?
If diaries comes back to life

To my dear friend with a Smart Phone

2011-03-19T07:56:00.005+05:30

Well, if you thought that having a smart phone, made you look smart. Well, here's news for you, it makes you look like a restless rat which when put in a glass box is so lost, it would keep fidgeting from one end of the box to the other, not knowing what to do, instead of taking the opportunity of looking out and noticing that there is a gate which can be pushed open.

Then of course, not that it makes you look stupid, in the exterior......... ALONE
Well, you see, you were an interesting man, at some point in life.
But now, your attention span is as small as the time between updates, in your twitter, facebook, gmail, four square and maybe some stupid game thingy you are playing. With more than 800 friends in facebook and twitter, you do the math, how small that is!

Of course, you can feel happy at the smart discussion you have in your wall or twitter feed. Oh, did I say smart, you stupid, insensitive dud ? Its not just me, who thinks you will eventually turn into a dud, by the way.

Yes, because, complex analysis possibly requires more focus time than what your brain is used to, now. Of course, analysis, that does not fall into frameworks that Mckinsey, BCG, B&C and your business education taught you, is beyond your capacity anyways, in this rate. My condolences.

I pity your stupid wife, if you do ever get married. Of course, she is stupid, to marry you like this. Or maybe she is not. She knows you would get her a smart phone as a present, so that she can make the appointment for her fulfilling extra marital affair, while you are busy fidgeting with your gadget. The techie in you was so scared of your wife getting into an affair right. Well, you have the recipe with you, but thank god, its smart, sleek and slim (oh, so sorry your wife is obese now and you did not notice)

Aah!! Irritating, is not the word!

When Radha loves

2011-02-27T23:36:00.010+05:30

Falling in love is like taking a chance. You have to do it, because you have to do it.If one were to be logical about loving another, it just cannot be “love” isn’t it?

"Yethai Kaetta pothum thara koodume
Uyir kooda unakkaay vida koodume
Tharikindra porulaay kaathal illai
Thanthaale kaathal, kaathal illai”

Four beautiful lines from an otherwise average movie named Kaathal Desam about two friends falling in love with one girl. In these lines, one friend addresses the other and when translated, the lines read like this:

“I would give anything you ask for
I could even give my life
Love is not a ‘thing’ for me to sacrifice.
If I could sacrifice, it must not have been‘love’ at all”

The theme was old, but the response was new.

Over time, I too realised that, love cannot be sacrificed – even for the lover. What is love, at the end of the day? Is it the overwhelming need to posses the other? Is it the passionate need to belong completely? Is it the headiness of being important to someone else? Or is it simply ‘love’, an unexplainable feeling?

We have heard it a million times that passion and love for another, can sometimes make us do, irrational things, the height of which is seen when love is unreciprocated. Man becomes exceedingly optimistic, deludes himself to the extent of destruction and will wreak his head to find solutions to the unsolvable ‘indifference’ of the other.

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days." - Sylvia Plath

Heavens be with you, if you are a thinking individual because, equally neurotic is love that fails for you. You would have read great people say, that to love someone else, is to see them happy. If losing out on your ‘love’ is what makes your beloved happy, what would you do? Do you love them enough to let them go?

You would forever run between Edgar Linton and Healthcliff (Wuthering Heights). After all, Heathcliff is cruel in love. How can someone love another and bring such hurt to that person, one wonders.(of course one will wonder so, when not in love). And yet, having recognised Linton’s presence during saner times, we go through a traumatic experience of dealing with these equally wonderful characters live in our own head. Who should I be? The torn intelligent lover thinks. After all, it was Healthcliff who continued to bring so much life and passion into Catherine’s life while she was taken good care by Linton. Aah!

I wish I did not have such logic running in my head. I wish I had not read Siddhartha and convince myself that the truth lies in the NOW and therein lies my karma. I wish I did not think, it was a possibility for me to submit to life, with Que Sera Sera. I wish Egyptians and Libyans were not fighting for their freedom, that I feel unworthy for mourning over love. Its criminal – my mind tells me.

I also wish I did not remember, how beautiful I felt when loved or relate completely with Kamala Suraiyya when she says, that a woman would be the most beautiful when she is in love or is being loved.

Someone as foolish (by my rational mind) as Radha seems like the heroine that I was forever in search of. I tell myself that female centric movies and stories need not be the aggressive, independent and strong women alone. What about this love struck, emotional girl who pursues her illicit relationship with Krishna, who at the end of the day, leaves for Mathura. He is also said to be passionately in love with Radha and yet, not many stories talk about their love being formalised. Kamala Suraiyya’s short story compilation The Sandal Trees had a story named Letter from Radha.

Radha tells Krishna,

“You whom I love more than anything else, in your embrace I have always been pure. And chaste. It was not for a physical touch that I came to you. I had felt that deep within my skin and flesh and bones, there was something lonely and vulnerable, something that awaited a magic touch.

…..

Say at least now, don’t you love me?

Your lips drew a red word on my thigh. Was it ‘Yes’? Who knows? I never knew peace of mind. And I never knew rest since falling into this world of terrifying love- a world bright as the sun, though.

-----

O my beautiful Krishna, you were my joy and pain. … Even as you make love to your lovely queens in prosperous Mathura a hundred miles away, you are mine in a mysterious way. It is my love that drives those beautiful women to you. And my unquenchable desire.”

Wish, someone makes a movie on Radha.

A few years back, my About Me read “Comfortably numb”. I had decided to be a cynic in the affairs of the heart. Maybe it was a mask. Who cares? It protected and that felt secure. I was told, “ Comfortably numb? You are painstakingly sensitive, sweet friend” Along the way, I shed the garb leaving myself naked, vulnerable and real like a new wound. Love is a peculiar feeling too. You will feel foolish and beautiful at the same time. That's an awkward combination. It is amazing how a lover can turn into a stranger in a single night. It is incredible to watch feelings change. But the biggest astonishment, is your response: The free mind which fell in love, now treads cautiously over every word? Will this turn the table? Will this change their mind? And yet, when the mind is made, the slightest trigger will end the game anyway. Even when you expected it all along and made wise statements of knowing how to take it when it comes, the alien at the other side of the world, overwhelms you.

Blue Valentine

2011-02-25T01:03:00.013+05:30

Three more days and February comes to an end.
And not a poem from Neruda ;-)

But I did watch Blue Valentine, this February.

"How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?"
"I think the only way you can find out is................... to have the feeling"

Not all of us will be ready for the movie though. A little too real and raw. Scenes that travel from the past and the present, like it happens in our mind, in life - like how when lovers break up, they cannot resist thinking about the day they first met, kissed and made love. The feeling that you leave after the movie is the feeling that you perceive of their relationship, however you see it. I left the movie with no emotion - surprising for a story of love, and I think, that's what makes it special.

When love happens or breaks, you don't really have to shout out loud, do you? And however sad the relationship is/was, there are moments and for some, a song.

Maybe you should catch the movie.
PS: Michelle Williams has been nominated for Best Actress for the Oscars. Of course, no surprise.

Lest I forget

2011-01-01T19:55:00.010+05:30

2010, is a year I should not forget. In fact, I have been trying to jot down this post for the past one month and it has been a colossal failure. Therefore, on the first day of this year 2011, let me just write. Hopefully, in the process, I may as well articulate what I have been trying for so long.

My friend without a soul with his one year conspiracy, tricked me into believing that the beginning of 2010 was worthy of the decade post. As I think further, I am glad that I am done with that post. For, at this point, I am done with my regrets, indecision and confusions, for now. Well, at least, I dont seem to have much time for that. Frankly, from where I was, it is a good place to be. I am still an introspective person, but I think I have grown a little further from 2009, when I was filled in a blanket of self pity and some such crap.
One great lesson learnt - Self Pity is the worst place to be in, EVER.

Sometimes in life, we don't even recognise our life lessons. I realised mine through a peculiar source - the book, Eat, Pray and Love, when I started to find the book, boring. A year back, I would have loved the book, and identified with the author - something, many women seem to have felt. Her tendency to act like a "victim"and be engrossed in a continuous state of helplessness started becoming claustrophobic for me. I don't think, I want her company any more. I found myself telling her, "Ok. Fine. Move On!"

2010 has been that for me. Moving On! While I say this, I also believe everyone needs some time to be upset.

Considering my recent affiliation to amnesia, in a few years, I might portray this year as one
1. where I was "following my heart" as if, the heart had this super savvy GPS directing me (if I land up decently happy with myself in some years)
2. where I was courageous enough to try (if i fall flat on my face like I did in some other situations )

Which it clearly was not!
What I do not want to forget about this year, was that, it was/is not easy. The question remains, if tackling a personal problem with a professional channel is a good strategy, but what the heck! Anything that helps you come out of a vicious circle of self victimization is good.

This year, I left my "secure"!$!@! corporate job. Has been a terrifying experience. Having got used to a regular flow of decent salary and the assurance of the best medical care, the highway has been scary. For a long time, I spend months worrying how my savings could be washed off by one medical emergency till my brother said "Stop cribbing and buy health insurance". Its amazing to what extent of pessimism, one can exhibit in life.

I wanted to write this post for eternity, because I don't want to forget that I was afraid- for two reasons. Either to realise that fear was unnecessary and that it will work out in the end OR have that excuse to fail.(what is success, by the way?)

Most importantly, to refrain from any sense of arrogance regarding my "choice", because at this point, my choice is not supported by any grand vision, even if I may claim that later ;-) Therefore it could as well be what my family sometimes thinks it is - random, hasty and impulsive. However, the last six months, has exposed me to some great ideas, innovations , talent and certainly commitment. Friends and family often voice this assumption that it is those set of people with deep pockets who can afford to contribute to society. Having met some "unknown" greatness, both in terms of capacity and commitment , there are enough people to prove those assumptions wrong.

There is much to be inspired by.

Hopefully, the vision will emerge.
2011 seems like a nice number ;-)
Have fun and hope you have a wonderful year ahead.

The Sunset of the Century

2010-10-30T09:55:00.004+05:30

(Written in Bengali on the last day of the century)

The last sun of the century sets amidst the blood-
red clouds of the West and the whirlwind of hatred.

The naked passion of self-love of Nations, in its
drunken delirium of greed, is dancing to the
clash of steel and the howling verses of vengeance.

The hungry self of the Nation shall burst in a
violence of fury from its own shameless feeding.
For it has made the world its food,
And licking it, crunching it, and swallowing it in big morsels,
It swells and swells

Till in the midst of its unholy feast descends the
sudden shaft of heaven piercing its heart of grossness.

The crimson glow of light on the horizon is not the
light of thy dawn of peace, my Motherland.
It is the glimmer of the funeral pyre burning to
ashes the vast flesh, -- the self-love of the
Nation,-- dead under its own excess.
Thy morning waits behind the patient dark of the East,
Meek and silent

Keep watch, India.
Bring your offerings of worship for that sacred sunrise.
Let the first hymn of its welcome sound in your
voice, and sing,
"Come, Peace, thou daughter of God's own great suffering.
Come with thy treasure of contentment, the sword of fortitude,
And meekness crowning thy forehead."

Be not ashamed, my brothers, to stand before the
proud and the powerful
With your white robe of simpleness
Let your crown be of humility, your freedom the
freedom of the soul.
Build God's throne daily upon the ample bareness
of your poverty
And know that what is huge, is not great and pride
is not everlasting.

- Rabindranath Tagore in Nationalism

Just went back to this when I was reminded of the virtue of anti-nationalism and of a feeling, that goes beyond patriotism.

Did not want to do a search again. Tagore in my blogger for eternity :)

True Love

2010-10-17T19:00:00.006+05:30

True Love. Is it normal
Is it serious, is it practical?
What does the world get from two people
Who exist in a world of their own?

Placed on the same pedestal for no good reason,
drawn randomly from millions but convinced
it had to happen this way - in reward for what?
For nothing.
The light descends from nowhere
Why on these two and not on others?
Doesn't this outrage justice? Yes it does.
Doesn't it disrupt our painstakingly erected principles,
and cast the moral from the peak? Yes on both accounts.

Look at the happy couple
Couldn't they at least try to hide it,
fake a little depression for their friend's sake?
Listen to them laughing - its an insult.
The language they use - deceptively clear.
And their little celebrations, rituals,
the elaborate mutual routines -
It's obviously a plot behind the human race's back!

Its hard even to guess how far things might go
If people start to follow their example.
What could religion and poetry count on?
What would be remembered? What renounced?
Who'd want to stay within bounds?

True love. Is it really necessary?
Tact and common sense tell us to pass over it in silence,
like a scandal in life's highest circles
Perfectly good children are born without its help.
It couldn't populate the planet in a million years,
it comes along so rarely.

Let the people who never find true love
Keep saying that there's no such thing.

Their faith will make it easier for them to live and die.

~ Wislawa Szymborska

Nope. I am not theorising anymore. Poetry on a sunday evening.

Writing a love story

2010-09-21T12:50:00.021+05:30

I want to write a love story. Seriously. A deep intense love story, with a happy ending. Philosophical crap can call anything happy, but this story would not be like that. It will have a conventional happy ending. They live happily ever after. I want them to live happily, with a tinge of naughtiness, with an energy that looks forward to life and complete with a passion for life which is different from the normal high pitched, noisy, emotional one. Of course, humour is all over the place.

The story needs a plot. Well, that means, there should be something that does not go well. Things go well, at the end, because this story has a happy ending. Hmm, so where does it go wrong? I want to have a nice beginning too. Because, the happy ending is not a figment of their imagination but which springs out of their history. So, happy, romantic beginning too.

So, what goes wrong in the middle of the story? Violence is not my cup of tea. So, no accident, no villain dads who hire gundas and no war too. I also cannot go against my basic belief that people are essentially good and therefore, there are no evil aunts, brothers or friends who spoil it for them intentionally. Well, my characters are intelligent and are open to ideas (read complicated). So, that would be it.

That's the plot. They have got to spoil it for themselves. After all, the biggest bane of my generation is this complexity. Almost everyone I know, thinks that they are complicated. Therefore, for one, if I write a love story about complicated people, chances are, everyone would identify with it.

Well, the feel of it - I come to Vinnai Thandi Varuvaaya. I don't know, why some people did not like the movie, but the feeling throughout the movie is the feeling of my love story. I just loved Silambarasan in that movie - pretty much the hero of my love story. Calm, passionate, creative and can make the most sarcastic dialogues ever. Maybe my character would be even more sarcastic. Trisha's characters is also quite interesting. Maybe, I would add a little more humour in their relationship. Too serious for me. Maybe they need to have some more fun. Maybe tease each other a little more.

But as in the movie, indecisiveness is my theme as well. Maybe make it a little more complicated than just another orthodox christian dad. Maybe have the Ramayan theme as the complication? Rama has always been criticised for suspecting Sita and there are several versions of Rama's justification. However, in none of the versions, has Rama himself suspected Sita. In my story too, I am wondering, how it would be, if Rama does not suspect but remains indecisive (unlike the Ramayan). And as is relevant for our generation, the Sita need not be "Sita".

So, they separate and then they get together. Seriously, they have to get back together. I loved VTV's ending(Spoiler Alert) where the director just broke my heart when we get to know, that they are not together. But in my story, they do get back together. So, will it be like Love Aaj Kal.? Will it be like Love in the Time of Cholera? or KANK? or Hum Tum? Love in the time of Cholera makes them wait for ages, and KANK is evil and negative. Hum Tum and Love Aaj Kal was cute. I like cute.

Seriously, I cant imagine, that in our times, with innumerable social networking sites, it is possible not to know whats happening to each other. Actually its possible, but not for my characters who are very very savvy with the internet. So, they know how the other person is doing. They need not be in touch, but they certainly are not out of mind or sight of each other ;-)

So, they have to meet and find love again. That is the whole point of this love story. Not sure. how to make that happen, though! But wherever they meet, its going to be a beautiful place. Somewhere along the story, we shall find them a Paris for memory and a Chile to find love again ;-)

Photo : Courtesy

So, while I think of that, why don't you watch this scene from Vinnai Thandi Varuvaaya.

Train, conversations and kisses, the moment in life, begins for the characters.
This scene defenitly has a space in my love story, with all due credits to Gautham Menon for this poetry

PS: Sorry about this post. Overdose of VTV yesterday night :) but in case you want to add something, please feel free.

On giving, collective and community

2010-09-05T23:01:00.006+05:30

A long time ago, I wrote about the experience of staying alone. Well, nothing has changed. I pretty much feel the same ;-) except that, I am getting a little closer to what a person like me, is missing out. Change in plans have now got me studying about community organisations and collectives. Collectives, in some weird explanation can be said to be the opposite of "staying alone" . More like saying, "none of us are alone". In another post in this blog, some readers have made me think or rethink about my incessant stress on individualism. The last few months just gave me more startling evidence, of how, I could have been wrong.

When 38 US billionaires pledged 50% of their wealth to charity, a number of questions were raised. What about our Indian billionaires?

And yet from another direction, I also heard people say, that the poor were far more charitable than the rich, in any case. In the channel Star Vijay, there was a show on Agaram Foundation, a charitable organisation founded by the tamil actor Suriya for the cause of education. It was an interesting programme and the high point of the show was when one of the participants introduced a boy named Aravind, a beneficiary of the foundation and who had secured the highest marks in his school. It seems the school felicitated him with Rs 1 lakh for his achievement. But that's not the point -Aravind called up Agaram foundation and decided to donate that 1 lakh to the foundation!!! Not even in my dreams, would I ever do that!

What is it about the poor, that makes them more 'charitable' than the rich?

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

- Kahlil Gibran

This is no MGR movie type post, where the rich need to be called evil and poor as the angels. I can't do that either. But, it is true that the poor are far more open to giving than the rich are. Maybe, Kahlil Gibran did not mean it that way, but my own hypothesis is that in his words, lies the answer - it is their most feasible strategy of survival. Coming back to Aravind, he did not say, high sentimental stuff about, being indebted to Agaram. He rather made a wise decision. He said, " I want to give to Agaram. I want to continue to benefit from associating with Agaram". Similarly, for the poor, being charitable to people in need, is the only way, of ensuring that there is someone, who would lend a hand, when they need help.

Individualism has been and is a way of life for me. I still cannot bear to be in a room filled with people for more than a hour and I cannot imagine living by the rules of a group - whoever they are. And yet, it would be my fallacy if I am not able to appreciate the goodness of being in a collective and what one loses out from being an "individual".

Apart from the act being together in a family, there is an act of being together in a community. Frankly, I have NEVER done that, in my life. Last few months, I got the opportunity of meeting some women, who were taking ownership of their community. These women in the villages, strongly believe that their well being comes from the well being of people around. Women, sacrificing their money, for the community - and you will wonder why????? Thankfully, there is someone in my office to tell me, not to take the judgemental stand of "knowing" what is right for them. They know it best. Maybe I have never experienced the power of the community and therefore it is my "ignorance" rather than knowledge.

In a society which is bound by political rules beyond the individual, it is through the collective that one can find expression. By being an individual, one of the many things I lose out, is in that expression in the overall political framework. It is specially relevant in a country like India, where the individual mechanisms of expression have not matured enough. I have to admit, that the RTI is a step forward in that direction but that would not be enough. Today, individuals cannot raise their teeny voice against a BIG brother of a system. I am not sure, if the black and white letters on the blogs are also enough - but I guess they add to it.

And of course, this kind of individualism, leaves no sense of security in our mind and therefore, we hoard wealth, thinking, that wealth is only way of securing our future. No wonder, insurance policies have bloomed in our generation. We dont think, we can trust anyone else for our future. We can only trust our younger self, to help us. As the HDFC ad says, "Sar uttakke jeeyo" , as if, expecting help is an embarrassment. You know what, maybe it is!

I have to admit, all the above is a theoretical thing in my head. I have my insecurities looming over my head, for most part of the day. And yet, I have to admit - the smartest decision I took in 2009, was to take my house, within 5 mins from my bro's place. Sometimes, having him close by, is the best part of my life. That's for another post - as to why I like Bangalore now? He definitly figures in one of the reasons ;-)

Ending with Gibran again :)

For in truth, it is life that gives unto life- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness

Chance

2010-08-25T21:56:00.016+05:30

Leaving it to chance is not possible, when you want it so much! Thats pretty much what I am trying to do right now. Planning the possibility of chance - fundamentally flawed, logically.

Maybe that is the thing about hope. You spend the whole damn time planning it out, hoping that all the pawns are at the right place - the taxi is on time, the light turns green on the dot, and the bloody traffic does not alter your calculation. Like a carefully thought out strategy, you hope all the other stakeholders do the things that you planned they would do.

Only, life does not operate that way. The first time, the good things happened, it happened as a matter of pure chance. The random theory got all the things on the right spots, all the stakeholders said all the things that they did and even without a plan, you just happened to have the best time of your life. The same chance, sometimes screwed it up as well. Maybe its your magnanimity which puts the good things on chance and the screw ups on your own action. For some peace in life, let me now put the screw ups on chance too. Well, even peace does not operate that way.

So, thats the way its going to be. The little game with chance. You make your move, hoping that chance helps you out. You hope against hope that paulo coelho was right and that there is something about this universe trying to make it up for your work. Even krishna would do, you think- please take care , you say.

And yet, its always a chance.

On Looking Up by Chance at the Constellations

You'll wait a long, long time for anything much

To happen in heaven beyond the floats of cloud

And the Northern Lights that run like tingling nerves.

The sun and moon get crossed, but they never touch,

Nor strike out fire from each other nor crash out loud.

The planets seem to interfere in their curves -

But nothing ever happens, no harm is done.

We may as well go patiently on with our life,

And look elsewhere than to stars and moon and sun

For the shocks and changes we need to keep us sane.

It is true the longest drout will end in rain,

The longest peace in China will end in strife.

Still it wouldn't reward the watcher to stay awake

In hopes of seeing the calm of heaven break

On his particular time and personal sight.

That calm seems certainly safe to last to-night.

- Robert Frost

I think, I changed my mind - what if i say, its perseverance. The perseverance to wait till chance happens? To say, that I have taken all my actions, is a bit of an arrogance. I may not have taken the final step.

The final step is to wait for that chance. It will happen.

Lost - hoping to be found at 35 ;-)

2010-08-15T09:16:00.013+05:30

I have been wanting to write a post for sometime now.Made a few drafts, felt embarrassed to publish it and then once again stared at my screen.Then I thought, maybe, I should do a tag to get me out of my slumber. Someone has already thought of the structure and you just have to fill in the content. So once again, I turned to Diaries and searched for one of his tags - one that I had found interesting. Actually, the tag started from Indiequill, and she calls it therapeutic. I am not too sure! For me, its going to be cathartic (I just like this word).

The tag says,

I've got write ten things that I want to do before I am 35 and ten things I miss about my life, right now.

The funny part is, 35 seemed a little far away, two years back. When I touched 29 this year, it kept coming back to me, that this is the last year of my "twenties". When good looking "men" ask for career advice, you know some things have changed! Even when I wish, to say that it don't matter, it so bloody does! So I read motivational essays which said that one has got to be continuously learning, making mistakes,taking risks, and thus renewing at every age. Ya, the stupid girl and her affirmation needs! So, don't know, if its an issue, but at 29, I still have plans, which does not have a house or a firm in it, and I am still not done with my own education!

So, the ten things to do before(by the time ;-) I'm 35

1. Have a long term goal, or be at peace with not having one. Either of it will do. Everyone has a long term goal - of starting their own firm, or settling down in a particular place, or even having a family/children. I have no freaking clue where I see myself. In some ways, I have liked the way, things have worked out so far, like the Indian philosophy of action - act without the result in mind and the outcome will be good enough. Whenever I've done that, its worked out well, for me. So, either get that bigger purpose or be at peace without it.

2.Get that Phd ... hmm, been talking about it for long, but the actions have not been good enough, and i know it. I have only got what I have prepared for, nothing more, nothing less. So, I hope, I prepare well.

3. Be a little more generous, a little more patient. By the time, I'm 35, I hope, I would have the maturity to make plans including other people. I hope, my selfishness would have tired out a little. I hope, I get to be patient, and give love a complete chance.

4. Continue to be my optimistic self. Its contradicting the above, but if it were a choice between having a plan, which makes me give up and having hope, i choose hope! I hope I don't give up, by 35 :)

5. Closure. I hope life becomes simpler.

6. Healthy body healthy mind - I started to think vegetarian, and did it for 2 weeks. Hmm, Once you taste blood, keeping away from it, is damn tough! By 35, I hope, I exercise, meditate, and eat vegetarian. I wish I start playing some game. Two months back, played badminton and felt so good to play, but thats all it took to give me cramps!

7. Learn a new art - kathak, salsa, painting - all of these which began as fleeting thoughts and continue to be so.

8. Stop watching emotional atyachaar and roadies. Recently was introduced to Chomsky's theory that media tries to divert people from the real issues. Not thinking, is the easiest thing to do these days - with TV, social networking sites and even news. You can live through your lifetime, without a moment of genuine thinking. I hope I get allergic to crap, by 35, I seriously hope!

9. Get closer to spirituality.There is a lot of mystery there. I know, I will not get any closer to spirituality practically but I would like to read on it. Will I even complete Eknath's Gita? Get closer to my favourite - Krishna ( and am not talking ISKON, or any institutional spiritual framework. Think more like Herman Hesse's Sidhartha)

If possible, experience something truly humbling, that makes me get the futility of it all. I don't know, what I am wishing for, with this one. Maybe Guru Dutt will know...

courtesy

10. At 35, I hope life is much better than I imagined it at 29! Come on.. one trick answer is allowed, like that three wishes game , where you ask for three more wishes ;-)

Ten Things I miss about my life, right now!

1. Home and being a family - I miss home, and everything about it. I miss, the certainty of love. Your family loves you and you are to love them. There is no uncertainty or doubt. Well, these days, I know its a luxury even for children to have a good solid family. I'm so glad, I was brought up that way. My parents did not have the time for existential questions or were not selfish to question their commitment to each other. They took their lives for granted and surprisingly, I am thankful for that.

2. I miss school and studying. Not all the classes. I miss my English classes in school, the little fun I had in graduation with my friends and the teachers and friends who made me think, in my post graduation.

3. I miss feeling fifteen in love.

4. I miss people telling me about possibilities. When you are younger, every one is talking to you about choices and possibilities, in all respects. Thank god for my hopeless optimism, because constraints is all that I hear around me, now. All that people have to ask me is, where I am planning to buy a house or when I am planning to have a kid? Even if I talk about other things, I hear the "other side" of how I am not getting younger, what my husband thinks of my choices, how all the normal plans will go for a toss if I even think of these things and how, as one grows older, one cannot live alone and that, compromise is the bitter truth about life. You know what, maybe you are right, but please please, spare me your advice. I am a stupid, stubborn, crazy nut, and am determined to make my mistakes. If you advise me, you lose energy, will feel bad that I did not listen to you, and you make me feel sad, that I did not listen to you when things go awry ;-)

No offence, I know you mean well.

5. Surprise Surprise... i also miss decisions being taken for me ;-) See, i told you, inconsistency is my second name.

6. I miss you

7. I miss my unquestioning faith in God and the discipline it gave me. Maybe I just miss faith.

8. I miss being a morning person. I used to wake up early and at home, used to go to the temple every morning.At my hostel, I was among the first to have breakfast at the canteen, and over my relaxing breakfast, I would mull over my thoughts, by myself. For many years, mornings were the best time of the day, for me. These days, my mornings are a big time chasing exercise. I don't like it though.

9. I miss the silence that welcomes me at home. To make my tea and do things at my pace, and as I wish.

10. I think, I miss happiness. Not sure, if I can say it. But there have been phases of happiness in my life, thanks to some people around or as some of my well wishers say, thanks to my openness to those experiences. Na, I think,its the former. Either way, I miss being genuinely happy. I am not desperately unhappy - I've been worse, so glad that its better.But its like I am living someone else's life, like watching a movie - one I need to complete watching, so that I can get back to life. Its weird, but I guess, thats exactly how I am feeling right now.

Heck, that was difficult but I needed this tag to get me out of this lethargy.

Yay! The good news is I focussed for 45 minutes. Good start!

Its a tag, so in case you are interested, you could take it up.. :)

And now, she is dead

2010-06-04T20:01:00.007+05:30

She died yesterday. She would have wanted me to write the truth. She would have wanted me to speak up. Of course, she would have liked it better had I written to her.

I never expected her to die now.Not a good excuse, I know.

I was busy, trying to live my life. Hmm, not good enough, again.

In fact, I thought, we would forget. I was sure, she would forget.

But now, she is dead. Can I write?

That woman! She is so full of herself. After all, she screwed up the whole thing.

My wife, still does not understand why I love her so much. Ya, forgot to tell you. I am married.

Should I even be writing this?

My wife is a goddess, and I love that bitch.

It was beautiful.

We loved, laughed, kissed, read, and wondered about the world.

And then she left. One day.

Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

Then she called back too. What's wrong with her? Coming from her, it was expected.

Hope my daughter never grows up to be like her. Naah! She wont.

My wife is a goddess, and I am not that insane.Genetics still works, right?

She said, she was married. She had to be. She wanted everything in life -the normal and the abnormal stuff. Isn't that the recipe for a life of unhappiness?

She said, she was still in love with me. Reminded me of Maugham's "Of Human Bondage". Like my life was bonded to her unannounced arrivals, every now and then.

It was her, after all.

Neruda, had a new meaning, when she was reading it with me. Ever seen the magic of a 30 year old woman, like she has never grown beyond 15 and the immense happiness, you feel, when she says, its all because of you. Ever felt the pleasant desire, when she is just a feet away from you, and there is silence around.She looks gorgeous, believe me. She pokes fun at you, and laughs. It never hurt, why? Oh! That genuine happiness on her face, was worth it all. She smells nice too. I wish we looked at nature a little more. But she just wanted me. When was passion, so subtle and soft?

I thought she wanted to fly. Apparently not. How would I know? She was the one who left. Of course, I did not stop her. Maybe I would have kept her happy...hmm...happier.

Could have...would have ... all meaningless phrases.

I was afraid.

And now, she is dead. They say, she lived very unhappy. Atleast I did not have to see it. My love gave her whatever little happiness, she felt. She said that, the last time we spoke.

I can take that to my grave.

My wife, will read this, and will not say a word. As I told you, my wife is a goddess.

Caste & Census

2010-05-19T11:13:00.008+05:30

I'm always intrigued by questions which dont have straight answers.

I have to admit, that I am truly an urban bred person, with identities similar to a large section of people using the internet. Caste as a concept, was not something that I had thought about for some time. Thanks to some bloggers I started seeing caste, in and around me.

Therefore, with my superficial understanding of caste, when the debate started about including caste in the census, I just had one point of view - that it needs to be included. My point was very simple. That, since it exists, we need to know what it is, and census is a data point - not a policy. It is true, that policies would be impacted by the data that throws up, but is that not the way, it should be?

There are essentially two kinds of criticism about caste based census:

1. Logistics of Caste Enumeration

2. Principle behind Caste Enumeration

Logistics of Caste Enumeration

The practical difficulties of the caste enumeration cannot be ignored. One, in this census, the idea is to enumerate only the OBCs. Currently there is a central list of OBCs and a state list of OBCs and this could vary from state to state. Conversions and children of Intercaste marriages are also treated differently in different states.Since census is based on self declaration, there could be issues on who declares themselves as OBC. As mentioned in this post,there are possibilities of "de sanskritisation", different from the sanskritisation which happened in the 1931 census .

In case, every caste is to be enumerated the complexity of the task is going to be even bigger. This article in Frontline written in 2000 puts down the challenges that such an exercise would have, like the huge number of castes (in 1881 census, there were 275 castes with less than 10 members), similar sounding castes across the country and the skill gap of the enumerators to understand these differences. Therefore, the task is not going to be easy. If the caste census should happen, the chances of error% in the first census would be substantially high. The Hindu Editorial, however opines that this social science fieldwork should not be confused with census and that caste information should not be based on perceptions or self categoristions. "If backward class commissions or socio-political movements need up-to-date measurement of caste and better data on the caste-inequality link, there are other ways of gaining this information."

Having taken cognisance of the logistical challenges for this exercise, let us look into the other criticism and the one thats taking all the air time.

Principle behind Caste Enumeration

This is an interesting question, and some of the concerns raised are quite valid. Beginning with whether counting caste would endorse caste. Since this census is not about SC/ST enumeration(thats already included) there is a concern that this caste data would be used for further reservation based politics for OBCs, when, there is also a view, that today, caste based oppression is led not by the so called upper caste but rather by OBCs themselves. There are equal number of voices, stating that the OBCs are still in a disadvantageous position. Currently, the OBC reservation debate revolves around the mythical figure of 52% assumed as OBC population based on the 1931 census.

These are very very large questions - about reservations, about oppression and about numbers. The caste census is not going to provide answers at all. But would the ostrich approach work?

Quoting EPW, "In any event, despite the liberal distaste for identity politics, there is simply no way of moving from a caste-ridden present to a caste-less future without a head-on confrontation with the beast"

I also find merit in the next paragraph in the same article, "A “caste census” must mean what it implies – a comprehensiveenumeration of all castes. Anything less – such as addingan OBC count to the existing enumeration of SCs and STs, whileleaving the upper castes uncounted – will not do. Counting thelower castes alone will send out a strong message that the governmentshares the upper caste mindset that treats caste as a purelypopulist, quota-driven fantasy invented by politicians." Of course, this increases the complexity of the task.

Then I come to my favourite part - Poking fun at Mr. Bachan ;-) and his "I am an Indian, I dont have a caste" campaign. As I said in the beginning, my own caste identities are pretty blurred. I am constantly reminded of my caste at home and most of the arranged marriages in my family happens within my "caste" but my identities are not so linked to my caste, as it would be for my parents. But what I dont understand is the linkage of our patriotism to our identity towards caste. Mr. Bachan feels, he does not want to state his caste, and would say that he is Indian, but I am sure, he would have no qualms in mentioning his religion. His actions have often spoken much louder than his blog as to what his religion is. Just like him, many of us would do the same. Quite a number of us have our religion, language, mentioned in our orkut/facebook profiles right? So, is that the hierarchy of our inclination?

Religion/Language > Country > Caste

Sounds ridiculous right? Conflicts based on religion have also shocked us, time and again. Does counting religion endorse those conflicts? In our beginning years as a democracy, our country faced a number of controversies around language. Does it mean, we stop counting people's lanugages?

I once again, come back to the process of this debate. I dont mind a healthy debate on issues at hand. But what the Barkhas, Vikram Chandras[dont mind Vikram, I really really like you ;-)] and the Bachans do, is to take this debate to a level, where reason gets lost behind the emotional patriotic feeling. Nothing sells better among the internet loving middle class, than the "I am an Indian, I love my country" idea.

The question is not simple, and the answer therefore, is going to be even further more complex. Atleast, the debate should be a deep reflection of the current state of casteist existence in our country, rather than a high pitched display of online patriotism!

a journalist named Vrinda

2010-04-24T14:53:00.011+05:30

When I first read this article, a friend posted on his profile, I read it, like I read gossip. I must have got used to reality shows that I see, that it seemed like one - tintillating, voyoeuristic, sensational. I am talking about this article by Vrinda Gopinath in Outlook - It was on Sunanda Pushkar. Her words were venomous and meant to imply more than what was written on the pages. The article was atrociously sexist, depicting Sunanda as this vampire! She concludes saying that though aided by heavy make-up, false eyelashes and seductive couture, Ms Pushkar ought to be reconciled to the fact that pedigree-obsessed Delhi would not accept a wannabe. What deep rooted hatred and bias lies underneath this sentence? Even the pictures, which were doing the rounds were meant to mean something!
A commentor articulated it such:

"what is it trying to say? that she slept her way thru to be what she is now?? well, i dont know her and i dont care what she does ..but, this was the worst form of sexist article..”Dubai flash trash of peroxide hair streaks, heavy make-up, razzle-dazzle, seductive couture, false eyelashes, chrome nail paint, and Louis Vuitton victimhood” who the hell cares if she wears false eye lashes or chrome nail paint.. how is it imp for the reader wrt her getting the “sweat equity” in ipl..so, if she was a plain jane- she has the rgt for the “sweat equity”? And it is even more depressing that it s been written by a female..yucks!

Shobha De????? Should I even talk about her? She pastes the entire article in her blog! Next time, she says, "enough is enough" or makes some supposedly "intelligent statements" against politicians, we know, it comes from a mind, which considers this as a "delicious report".

Thankfully, there have been other voices.

Tehelka's Shoma Chaudhary came up with another article, probably the lone ones which took Sunanda's view.

Some pictures showing a very different Sunanda in Tehelka

In another article in The Hindu, Vidya Subrahmaniam says,

"Now imagine a man with qualities attributed to Ms Pushkar. Surely he would have been seen to be on the fast-track — a workaholic focused on his job and able to connect with a wide cross-section of people. And so what if he broke a law here and there? That would only add to his dash. A woman similarly placed becomes a social-climber, especially if she was a wannabe without the social sanction afforded by pedigree."

Of course, I have to say, that I was relieved to see the comments in the article in outlook's site. As said in the article,

Fortunately, good taste does seem to prevail outside the rarefied circles of Metro high society. The reader response to the Pushkar profile (posted on the weekly's website) was one of revulsion. Said one reader: Every sentence in it reeks of a deep-seated upper class prejudice which ridicules and sneers at the ambitions and processes of social mobility of many people of India, especially those from mofussil regions. Commented another: This writing looks to be a case of libel. Vindictive and sexist to the core.

Who is Vrinda Gopinath? That, should be the question!

As I was telling you in the beginning, I was not even aware or conscious of the sexism in the article, till I saw ambili's comment! The more I read from the other side, I realised, what I was not seeing! I cannot imagine, how many more such influences are around us - these are the most villanous of them all, when we dont know what, we are not seeing. To anyone who says that the glass ceiling is a thing of the past, this article would be a reality check.

Shoma says it beautifully -

Her real crime is that she is an attractive 46-year old widow, who is bright, vivacious and hot — in the way only those women can be, who have a comfortable relationship with themselves; who understand that beauty does not preclude one from being kind; or protect one from sorrow. If the media had wanted to try the two for financial impropriety, it should have stuck to doing that. Instead, all of it has become an ugly spectacle about a society trying to decide what women are allowed and not allowed to be. Ambition, sass, and self-assured sexiness are clearly high on the list of India’s penal code for women. This is why Pushkar has been asked by “well-wishers” to stay out of view. This is why she’s in the process of being tamed for Indian public life. The story of how Sunanda Pushkar has been treated then is not the story of just one woman: it is a parable about the society we are."

Us and Tharoor

2010-04-19T09:32:00.006+05:30

I was a little confused on my idealogy and I am just a student when it comes to understanding politics. Therefore, one, I always found it difficult to take a stand on tharoor, whether, his stint in UN would make a lot of sense to Trivandrum(my hometown) or whether it had to be someone who understands Trivandrum, as we call it, grassroot. Therefore, if not for anything, it meant to me, an experiment, of seeing how a different perspective can make a difference, and therefore, Tharoor it was. After all, he needed a chance.

Now that he got it, and screwed it, why are we taking it personally?

BVN has written the most sane post on this ever!

Therefore, cant add anything more on Tharoor, from my end.

However, what irks me, is US!

In twitter and in blogs are quite a number of reactions to Congress's response to this issue. I really, really am not able to get that! Fanatic support to anything is dangerous - even to high educational qualifications! The middle class support to Tharoor stems from a basic fact that, we are enamoured by his academic scholarship and his experience in the UN. Yes, we respected that, and we voted, thinking that, this could make a difference. But, we need to question our own double standards, when we say, give a chance to corruption, because its Tharoor, and he has academic merits! Why are we, the online supporters, vary of saying, "Yes, we thought he deserved a chance, but if he is corrupt, he must go!"

All of a sudden, we have a number of posts, blaming the system. We have people wondering, how Indian Politics "converted" Tharoor! Why are we now bringing up Mayawati and Pawar to the discussion? Why are we, now, caving in, and putting a cost benefit analysis, of what Tharoor can bring to the table and what level of corruption is acceptable? Didn't Manmohan Singh and A K Antony survive the "system". Dont we "still" have leaders who could handle power without getting personal financial benefits. There have been many misuse of power, but personal financial benefits, is the cheapest of vices for a national leader. Why are we lowering our standards, as to what we expect from our leaders?

Therefore I dont care if Congress took a stand against Mayawati or not. Thats not reason enough, not to take a stand against Tharoor. TOI says, "Contrary to the junior minister's claim of "arm's-length mentoring" of Kochi group, the findings said he actively negotiated the "sweat equity" for Pushkar. He had, in fact, asked for 10% for Pushkar while the deal was finally settled at 5% " Another funny observation from this interview, with Tharoor on April 16th 2010 by Bharkha Dutt where he says, that cricket has just started evolving in Kerala and Kochi IPL, was a means to develop that. This is, either another flimsy excuse, for the fiasco, or he simply does not understand Trivandrum. So, is my MP, really my MP?

I dont know, whether, Tharoor, is guilty or not, and thats not my point, in any case. But, seriously, I really cannot understand tweets, calling it a "dark day for Trivandrum" or giving unconditional support to Tharoor or this sudden cynicism towards the system.And no, a rebel without a cause, is not good enough for Trivandrum. In fact, its a wonderful day, for democracy, when, the system makes it clear, the non negotiables for a leader. Lets not be overcommitted to a cause, to an extent that we refuse to see the obvious. Lets not lower our expectations

We need some sanity. Brahma, write another post!

a little space

2010-04-02T10:23:00.005+05:30

For a long time, this post was a favourite of mine. Several people liked it too, and I was extremely delighted at that as well. The comments section in that post, probably was far more thought provoking. Although, I did acknowledge the other side, that time, I dont think, I was as affected by it, as I am today.

I was once asked, how the theme of my blog would change when I changed my city, and start living with someone else. According to him, the theme of my blog was independence. I had always thought that my blog was a hotch potch of my thoughts which kept running in different directions at different points of time. I was glad to hear, at that time, that there was a pattern, to this chaos.

I am not too sure that I believe in that post, completely today. To what end, does this independence lead to? What is the balance that one must seek to acheive? I am a bit lost here.

I tend to romanticise independence. But now....

Maybe, one should not think so much about one's own independence at all. Its a chain of a different kind. It just takes time out of the possibilties, existing in this world. What is there to say so much, about being independent? Why the big noise? I have milder words. Read him. I have a running argument with him on this post, but thats besides the point.

But its not so much about my frustration with other people shouting aloud their rebellion, but rather my own inability to find that balance. I still think, I need to be standing on my feet. I still want that space, and yet, I wish, I had a little space in my world, for the other person, whoever that is. Whenever I hurt someone else, for my own sake, I had reasons why, and I will continue to have them. But I miss that feeling of goodness in me. Every time, we hurt someone else, there is a bit of goodness, which leaves our soul. The only thing I fear about independence is if it would drain me completely of my goodness. There are businessmen who are either insensitive to their employees, exploit them and earn huge profits or are responsible, pay employees their fair share, provide for their welfare and earn sustainable profits. Their strategy is clear, atleast to themselves. There will be no conflict.

I dont think, many of us, have the capability to be totally insensitive to the " hurt feelings" around, and yet, we also crave for our own profitable lives. Profitable, in this scenario, is not necessarily money- for some of us, it is money & position, for some of us, it is the liberty to do the things that we please which may not be aligned with the objectives of other stakeholders in our lives. I dont know about you, but I am a little conflicted in this point. Sometimes, it could also be because of a lack of understanding from other sides, but sometimes, its also because, there is a lack of effort to create that understanding. But ya, not always.

Independence, now, seems to be, too small a word, for too small a world, called "I", like a bad quality copy of 'selfishness'. I feel, it makes us lose sight of the bigger picture. Its not about obliging to another but rather about giving space to another, and their thoughts.

A little tolerance.

At this point in time

2010-03-21T20:13:00.006+05:30

Title courtesy : the self proclaimed Lord ;-) (just in case, he sues me)

Long time :)

Looks like Ides of March is truly dangerous. Some changes in my life, and I have been facing a number of questions these days. I give a different answer at different times. So for my own sake, I'd like to put down my thoughts in writing.

I have been reading Po Bronson's What should I do with my life? hoping that I would find some answers there. However, I do like, what he has written in it, that, the calling in life, for different people comes in different ways, and at different times. There is no formula, by the way. However, I was, of course, relieved to read, that, for most people, it was not a 'clear choice' and that being confused, is not under my sole ownership ;-)

Therefore, these are times, when people have been asking me, what I want to do with my life?
Do, I want to touch lives? Do I want to make a big change in society? Am I in the helping mode?

Hmm, I have been interested in the social sector for sometime. Gender in particular. However, charity, has not been a major heart puller for me. I realised that long ago. I went for some 'volunteering' teaching in a slum school, when I was in Mumbai for the first time. I often ask myself, if I truly enjoyed it. Did I have the same feeling, that many fellows of the Teach for India campaign talk about? I am not too sure. I dont think, I would have been able to do that for a lifetime. I realised, I am not too much of a 'giver'. I am not a natural at giving, anywhere - not to family or society.

Its funny! Everytime, someone is in the hospital, I understand, how bad I am at that. I would rather, take the kid out to keep her engaged, than sit in the hospital ward. I am supposed to care, but I dont think, I can do that well. I get a sense of detachment and I totally, get lost as to what I should be doing.Not that I have not done it. Since I am conscious of that deficiency, I tend to do it beautifully when the need is for a short period of time.

So, I am pretty clear, my calling is not in giving, or in charity. When it comes to charity, I am pretty neutral about it. I think, when we have the means to help at needy times, we should - there is no feeling associated with it.

Therefore, why does Gender matter to me? My male friends, particularly make fun of this interest of mine. One calls my interest - "stove explosion", another makes extreme statements, to provoke me, and to top it all, comes the statement from my brother. I once asked him, how he was far more liberal than most of my male classmates, inspite of having had the same kind of education. He answered, "Ok, I am going to give you a huge compliment, so dont take it to heart.
You see, we have a sister like you. We only have to imagine a place, where a person like you, can be happy, and we end up like this." Wow! I did take it to heart - shall always, remain one of the best compliments, I have received in life.

I guess, thats the reason why I am interested in Gender myself.

Seeing injustice to women, pisses me off, big time. And I realise, its not about them, at all. When I see injustice to women, I guess, I see myself, in that scale somewhere. It is always, important for me to be comfortable with my position, and possible position in that scale. Every unfair act to women, anywhere jeopardises my position in that scale. Taking it too far? Possible. I may have to relook into that as well. Atleast, these are times, that I have started developing some sympathy to the 'bread earner' role that men have to play in families. That too, is not easy. Not all the men, have the freedom to do what they want to do in life. There are societal pressures on them too.

I still remember, this conversation, I had with my cousin long back. I do not know, if her point of view has changed now.

She was telling me about an incident in her hostel. They have a common canteen/mess for boys and girls. Therefore, everyone comes there for food. Being a conservative place, the women usually wore salwar kameez , with the dupatta. One lady, used to wear T shirts and shorts, and that day, she came to the canteen dressed in the same attire. A set of boys, went to the first floor, and threw water on her, from above. I was shocked at the incident and further shocked, that my cousin felt that the girl deserved it. Well, I am not saying, there is no scope for a debate, of whether the girl was being sensitive to the place. But to me, that was not the question to ask at all. By whatever notion, what happened was unacceptable. As far I was concerned, it was similar, to some people throwing acid on women when they dont wear burkha.
I was reacting to this, not because I cared for women wearing shorts in a conventional school but because we should not be tolerant to such reactions for anything, at all. Being silent at one place, gives the license to behave in the same manner in another situation as well.

Similarly, when I see, women coming out of adversities in ways unimaginable, and women who assert themselves in their own lives, it gives me confidence about what I could do with my life too. TISS did that to me, once. I may want to get back to that, once again.

Its possible that my calling could be in that direction. It is pretty much about making a difference to my life - a very selfish calling, after all ;)

Defining the decade :)

2009-12-22T23:29:00.004+05:30

Once again, this friend of mine, inspires me to write on a topic. I have five drafts of a post, of what i feel about 2009 and what I expect out of 2010. And all of a sudden, he tells me, I should be writing about the decade. And it did not look like a bad idea, at all.

I am actually embarrassed to write about my decade. I know, what it has been, and it sounds to be so kiddish or should I say, teenagish, if there is a word like that. But I guess, I have to face the truth.

This decade for me, has been about the illusion of love and since it was an illusion, it always eluded me. And sadly, or not, that, has defined my decade.

I wish, really hard, that I had bigger ideals and goals and ambitions in life, but the bitter truth that strikes me often, is that all that I want in life, is to love and be loved-both equally important. For a long time, I thought I was incapable of loving another person, and what joy it was to love, and what pain it is, to lose that.

Its a friend's joke, that every time, I get heartbroken, I take a degree.
Every so called professional success, that I have encountered in my life, has been to fill that vacuum that 'eluded love' had left.
That is THE hardest thing that I have said, in a long long time.

I did think of myself as this big idealist, who wants to make a difference to people and society. I do. But beneath all the outbursts about learning, freedom, success, goals, dreams, society and ambitions.... its love, after all..

thats pathetic... :)

but hey, i now have the new decade, to find the meaning of my life, whatever that is.That's the best thing about the new year. Its hopeful and I feel far more optimistic than I felt last December- that in this year, unlike last, I would take charge of my life. I always like myself when I do that.

So here's wishing you all a very Happy New Year and cheers to all your dreams.
By the way, its time for my Phd ;-)

sparkling wine, cruise and a theme song

2009-11-30T23:23:00.009+05:30

Every day, I wake up to this tune, and it reminds me of what I am missing, and at the same time, my luck to have experienced it at all. After all, there are a million variables in this world, and all the good things that happened to us, were a matter of chance, with so many of those variables coming together, for us at the same time - believe me, one big chance!

I heard a theme song once, and wondered which was mine.

So, here's to my find, of a long long time :)

Pic Courtesy

Daddy

2009-11-21T11:48:00.006+05:30

From the time, I started this blog, I have always wanted to write about Daddy.

Every time, someone asks me, who is your idol, his name comes flying around, right at the left hand corner of my head... (ya, my head has corners, where these chaotic thoughts hide but am not sure, how many sides.. though ) but i refrain from naming him. I know too many of his weaknesses, to make him an idol. The maximum, I have gone about was to say, that I could write about him, because his life was eventful and he is indeed a delightful man! Praising him, is a difficult act :)

Maybe I should begin at the beginning. That I call him 'Daddy'.

A matter of contention in the family. People think and say, that its pathetic. We ought to be calling him 'appa'. He likes to do things differently, sometimes for the sake of it ;-) So, I guess, when my brother was born, he must have thought that 'Daddy' was cool! Then the two of us followed it. Later, Dad thought maybe it was not a good idea. He said, that we should call him 'Appa'. he he he... denying Daddy of such pleasures, is such a pleasure. And also, to the crazy me, it was another chance to rebel against the society's opinions. Ya, the rebel without a cause :) So, we continue to call him Daddy. But now, as I think back, it had to be Daddy... for he is an interesting man, who experiments with life in spite of its conflicts.

Mom is a very sweet person, a very good human being. I have not heard her say or do something with bad intentions. It makes hell of a lot of difference. She is what I see as 'good'.

Dad is interestingly different, like the character that his name represents - Krishnan.

Krishnan is a complicated character. You don't associate good or bad with Krishnan. He even had a logic to kill own kins at the battlefield. Of course, he is extra ordinarily charming.So is Dad.

Dad bashing is the best form of entertainment at home. We love taunting Dad. We neither spare his intentions nor actions. However his final defence often defeats us, for he says, " I am the one, right there in the front, fighting the battle. When I act, I make mistakes, and yes it happened" I have to give it to him. For in life, that man is always in the front, doing something - not wondering, not wishing, not fearing but actually doing what he thought was to be done.

Most of your belief system is built from your parents. I know that,

He believes:

1. Money is not important. In this world, there are people living with 2000 Rs and 2 lakh as well. So, never determine the job depending on the money. Its a fallacy. He has lost a lot of money in life. Maybe that's why, he does not seem to be too flustered by it!

2. There is always work to be done. On a bad day, if any of us talk about our jobs getting boring, his response is worse than our managers. He never believes in the lack of opportunity. He even gives me back T N Seshan's and Maneka Gandhi's example! So, you get the gist of performance pressure, I am under!

3. Theory Y - People are essentially good, can be trusted and need to be motivated and developed.

In this context, let me deviate a bit. In this post, I wrote about my confusions regarding my political ideology. When you hear harsh criticism about Trade Unionism in Kerala, the source is often a person who has limited exposure to labour. In his business, Dad used to deal with 'loading and unloading' labour almost on a daily basis. Therefore, I wondered what he thought about Unions.. and whether he hated them so much? He brushed aside the question.They are people... if you understand that, I don't think, it would be too much of a problem. I tried to provoke... have they not asked for unreasonable rates? He replies that they do, and one thing or the other happens, but then, that's your job to manage that. For one, I did not find the least bit of hatred in him. He may never vote for a communist in all his life, but, hate, he does not!

4. Karma.. ! I don't know, how he can keep doing something about everything around him. I would not give him the 'not expecting part'. He expects recognition, admiration, and possibly even a post from his daughter. But when he acts, he does not fear rejection or judgement. Rejection if any, is not a personal thing for him. His funda is, whats wrong in trying? And therefore, he has this amazing ability to reach out to people to help and to seek help. Guess, an entrepreneur needs that.

Another aspect of this is that, he refrains from counting each penny, especially when it comes to people who have been a little less lucky than us. That's why, even today, I too refrain from bargaining with my maid for a few hundreds, when I know, that there are days that I spend her month's salary on one night's dinner.

Daddy has never worked for another person. He was an entrepreneur and then a lawyer. This transition is one of the biggest lessons of my life. When we, his children talk about his entrepreneurial life, we kind of get emotional. We had seen the peak of success(my brothers, more than me) and the lowest points of his professional life. But believe me, we were not anything like the families in movies, showering him with unconditional support at the times of crisis. We were a very very normal family. We supported at times, got scared and sometimes got angry.

Thank the heavens for the crisis, that I know, what it means to survive and that you could do it, if you wanted to. After 26 years of prosperity, Dad's business failed. Its a raging debate in my family, as to why that happened! What is not debatable is that, after a Bypass operation, also induced by the above, Dad decided to practice law, because he had three children to educate, and he believed that whether he gave us property or not, he would give us education. I cannot forget the days, when he would ask us to correct what he had written.He had lost touch with written English over the years. We would politely correct his documents and shower false praises. He still thinks that we did great disservice to him by not being honest. He thinks his lawyer friends were far more helpful with their honest criticism of his writing(an important part of being a lawyer).

All this beginning at 43.

There is a joke about the lifecycle of a lawyer.

1. No case, no money 2. case case no money 3. case case money money 4. no case money money

I know that Dad too went through this. When you are young and beginning with life, the above is a learning process. I am not sure, I would have been able to do this beginning at that age.

I really don't know, why I am writing this post. There is no occasion. Its just that, these days, I keep thinking of him and what he means to my life. The influence is just too obvious. He always reminds me of the cyclone. You get vexed at its energy and the change that it brings to the table. And yet, you cannot deny that it does give us the opportunity for creation of something new.

And the thing is, he is so cute!!

Lastly, when someone asks me how I have a smile on my face, always, I cannot help thinking that its a manufacturing defect :)

a beautiful april morning in 1981

2009-11-17T10:12:00.004+05:30

If not for such authors, this world, would seem so much less beautiful :)
"The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met."

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning
One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

Human Rights is Variable, I see?

2009-10-24T10:08:00.010+05:30

Yesterday, I lost it. Another WTF moment. If it was just another 'third rate journalism' as a friend calls it, I would not have bothered so much. But this was the limit. The trouble is, if not curtailed now, I am not sure, what it would turn into, in the future.

News9 is a bangalore based English 'News' Channel and of course, it is a 24 hr channel. This channel does give a lot of local news which may be useful to the city residents. This channel often has programs which shows a highly biased moral stand. When possibly half the population has such a point of view, it is possible that a channel could thrive on that. After all, our soaps are not different.

But, what made me angry, was the latest bit of breaking news that the channel released yesterday.

News9 made a sting operation and found that a service apartment in Bengalooru was being used for prostituition by a Russian lady. The channel team member posing as a prospective customer discovered this fact. Had they stopped with that, I would have not bothered, thinking it was another sting operation. But what followed was a gross violation of human rights.

After confirming that she was indeed in the business of selling sex, the team returned with a camera. They broke open the apartment and started recording. Apparently she was with a customer. What followed reminded me of what happened on a New Year Eve in Mumbai and what happened in the Mangalore pub.

What gives these journalists the right, to violate the rights of a woman, even if she were a sex worker. She was wearing a two piece suit, when they broke open and the channel had the audacity to force her to reveal her body. She was trying to cover her breasts and her face with her hands. Two men pulled open her hands to reveal her body and face on camera. WTF!!!!!

Later, the police was called to take action and probably take her into custody.

By what stretch of imagination, can we accept this?

Even if I were the worst criminal in this world, and even if I was of the loosest character possible, you have no right to violate my body , without my consent. PERIOD.

There has always been a debate about this moral judgement even in the case of rape. In some countries, even the law mandates that a rape victim's sexual habits should not be questioned. Her sexual habit, should not come in the way, of delivering justice to her.

Its similar in this case as well. Does her, being a sex worker(that too alleged) deny her the right to human dignity? And who decides? News9??????????

To put it simply, the channel must be taken to task for having abused her physically and for having tortured her mentally. This is Violence instigated against a woman. Whether she is a sex worker or not is not a matter of consideration. This channel had obviously no right to do to her what they did. By the way, why am i talking about their rights?

They were doing things against the law. How else should I describe a man forcing a woman to reveal her body on camera? If this is not violation, what is?

Sorry, an apology will not do. The channel was violating the law and they should be answerable. Now, it would be great to see them report that! Would be a good dose of local news!

The sad part is, even a local news channel has a lot of influencing power. It they shout stupidities for an hour and show the same stuff, people watching it will be programed to think in that direction as well. It was a live phone in program, and many people calling in, were talking about how the Police is not taking action and how the Police is involved in such sex rackets.

Oh ya, blame the system.

But in that process, we are letting this mind poisoning devil into our living room. I really need some air!

UPDATE : Looks like violation happens even through bigger media houses. Tvmtalkies writes a post on the how Media wantes to legally violate a prostitute. He writes , "I was more outraged when “The Madras Union of Journalists condemned B.Lenin’s arrest and blocked traffic in Marina”. If these protests meant their creed is like (only), then civil society has an immediate enemy at hand – Media. The Third Rate Media."

Choices

2009-10-20T23:48:00.002+05:30

Several times in this blog, have I written about liberation and freedom. Like many others, I too abhor it when someone tries to impose upon me a 'choice'. Its funny, but I can identify at least a few of my own choices, which were made as a rebellion against the perceived imposition. For those choices, life might have been different, but I doubt if it would have been happier. My guess is, each one of us has a threshold for happiness too. I can complicate the simplest things in life, and lose out on much of the 'possible' happiness. I dont think I would even want to change that.

Recently, a friend asked me, what I would like more? Pursuit of happiness or Pursuit of truth? I did not take too long to choose - It shall be truth, and that would be the meaning that I seek in my life.

This post is generally about choices, that people make or are expected to make.

Recently, I have started questioning some of my own 'strong beliefs'. As I wrote in the beginning of this post, I have almost always believed in individual liberty and the freedom of choice. I have always tried not to link age with that freedom. At times, I find myself rethinking that.

This had particularly struck me, when I was thinking of two specific situations. A few years back, I would have criticized both these situations to be highly repressive. Today, I might as well give it a thought.

1. Censorship of smoking/drinking in movies and bars
By no means, am I advocating censorship of showing smoking and drinking in movies. We live in a society where people drink and smoke and therefore, the same would get reflected in movies. When Anbumani Ramdas, suggested censorship in a NDTV show, "We the People", I heard a lot of young people state that, they know what choices to take. The young people in the studio said that they were mature enough to identify their choices.
Frankly, I am not sure of that.
Are our choices, truly our choices?
To say that, we can make choices as free individuals is a mirage. When movies, increasingly show people with a cigarette and alcohol, it does slowly become the norm within our minds. Its not as if people imitate the hero, although, in some parts of the country, that too happens. Influence happens even without our conscious knowledge.

Almost every guy I know, has bought an Axe Deodorant at least once. Wondered why?

Ramdas, could have had other agenda for raising this issue. One can decide whether to give him so much airtime for that agenda. But I had to think about what he said. Whether directors can show some restraint and think twice about the smoking scenes in their movies is a valid question.

btw, I liked Dev D and cannot imagine it without the smoke,alcohol, drugs, swear words and the brothel.

2. Sexual freedom
Its a topic close to my heart. I have always hated the fact that moral standards have been set very high for women alone. Therefore when it comes to this, I have almost always taken the most liberal view possible. I would consider sexual freedom as liberation and for her, a choice.

A few things come to mind in this regard. These are mostly, the conflicts in my own mind. You will see me swing from one end to the other in each of these situations...

For e.g. I have never been able to say, legalise prostitution. There are people who argue that, even prostitution is a choice. I have not been able to accept that till now. Can and should prostitution be a choice? Even if it were to be legalised, would the women come in as a matter of their choices or their situation? I am prone to believe that in a poor country like India, a legalized prostitution business would be an easy solution to poverty and chances are that more women in the families would be forced to choose this.

Whenever I see 'virginity' drives in colleges, in magazines, I have almost scoffed at them. I still would not participate or appreciate an initiative of that kind. I know the reason too. Almost all of those drives are women centric. The suffocating importance given to virginity is a big factor for the kind of oppression that is practiced against women. Therefore, more than getting attracted to the possible healthy benefits of the same, I get put off by the generic patriarchal undertone of the initiative.

Recently a feminist friend visited me. She explained how I cannot think about this as simplistically, as I had. If as a result of this sexual liberation, people were thinking about sex too casually, would I still blindly support the same? Coming from her, I had to stop and think. A few days back, my brother and sis expressed, that they were a little uncomfortable with the number of emergency contraceptive pills advertisements. They wondered if that establishes that this is norm. My view, at that point was, people anyway do it, I'd rather not have unwed mothers.
Seriously I don't have the answer.

The truth is always in the grey. I do like the way Obama has articulated it :

" I want young people to show more reverence towards sex and intimacy, and I applaud parents, congregations and community programs that transmit that message. But I am not willing to consign a teenage girl to a life time of struggle because of lack of access to birth control"

These are times of choices. Whether I like it or not, the choices are for each one to take.
For me too.
Tomorrow, I might take another choice, but I guess, I would be better off to realise that even that may not be a free choice, as I might consider it to be.

The Missing Maharaja

2009-09-29T23:14:00.007+05:30

Its funny, that I am writing a consecutive post on a similar issue and probably giving the opposite point of view in this situation. A friend accuses me, of seeing 'people' in every issue rather than the issue by itself. I cant argue much! Because, a large part of my 'opinion' in these two similar issues is quite influenced by what I think about the people involved - Naresh Goyal and Arvind Jadhav.

When the termination letters were sent to Jet employees, one night, Naresh Goyal was heard saying on the next day, that he was not even aware of it. To worsen the situation, he said something to the effect that his employees were like his family members. Leave aside the morality of the issue, but to say the least, he undermines my intelligence. Therefore, when his employees went on strike, I did not feel much. To me, it was a business man trying to make profits,who may have different views about people management. The CEO does not deal with people directly, but what he considers important will be taken seriously. It was, but evident that managing his people with fairness and empathy was not one of his concern areas. That too can happen in business. The exact state of issues for the pilots is also not known. Pilots striking for reinstating three other pilots, only means, there is insecurity and that happens when they don't trust the management. Can happen in business. I don't blame the employees, too. A very possible stand off.

When I read this interview of Arvind Jadhav, the CMD of Air India, I was at first a little uncomfortable at the bluntness and his choice of words. But I was bowled over by his genuineness. His straightforwardness is so much easier to handle than Mr. Goyal's tears.

From what this interview tells me, Air India does have a very heavy cost structure. He says that his revenues are around Rs 14000 Crs and his cost is around Rs 19000 Crs. Employee cost, being the second largest cost after fuel, it is quite possible that the same is being targeted. It does make perfect business sense. When there are layoffs happening everywhere, pay cut is quite a possibility for turning around the business. There have also been other steps which have been taken to cut costs and to improve efficiency. If pilots are drawing salaries more than 5 lakhs per month, ahem... I think a bit of cut can be borne to ensure oneself a job. When 1500 Crs of the total 3600 Crs of people's salary is being spent on incentives of these pilots, and that too, in a non performing airline, I do not see how cost cutting measures can leave this cost untouched.

A colleague was making fun of the Chairman' where in AI's inhouse magazine Swagat, he has promised that AI would be on time from 'now onwards'. His argument was, "being on time" is the minimum required thing for an airline. How can he say that he would ensure that 'from now onwards'?

I consider transparency as the most important aspect of any turnaround, both to the employees and to the customers. Well, I see that honesty here. He does not mince words. He is quite transparent as to how he intends to turn around AI as well. I guess, he must have even expected the strike.

And of course, the biggest influence for my 'opinion' is that Mr. Jadhav is not a business man, who is trying to maximise his wealth. He is a bureaucrat trying to set things right.

John Elliot says

His career in the Indian Administrative Service has been based in the state of Karnataka, where he was principal secretary in charge of sorting out Bangalore’s creaking infrastructure among other things for a year before joining AI. Aged 53, he was previously chief vigilance officer at GAIL, the government’s successful gas corporation, which gave him experience of how public corporations operate, and before that spent several years in the power ministry. In the mid-1990s, he ran a state minerals company in Karnataka.

Therefore, I really do not have many reasons to doubt his motive ;-)

However, could this have been handled with more tact? I guess, it could have been. Were the employees told about the debt and the sorry state of financial affairs in Air India? As per NDTV, one of the Pilots' Union was involved in Turn Around Committee set up earlier. Were these set of striking pilots included in the turn around committee?

Communication is as vital as the strategy. A turn around is possible if people are with you. Jadhav has an interesting job. But he cannot do it alone. He would have to take his people along. However, I do believe that the strategy and the intent is in the right direction. It would be wonderful to see the Maharaja earn his crown again!

I cant end this post without my usual disclaimer. The truth would be in between. However, recently I have been realising that its important to be cognizant of that fact, and still take a stand. Therefore, for today, let this be my opinion :)

Jet Set Goyal

2009-09-13T22:14:00.004+05:30

The Jet story, is an interesting case study for a HR professional.
As I look everywhere, I see the passenger's woe being raised, and rightfully so. I have also read in many places, how both the pilots and the management are insensitive to the passengers.

As I observe the incident like a neutral observer, I see a different story. One, in which there are insecure employees in an economy which is at its low, in a sector which is not doing that well.

Having worked in a company, which truly believes in the right of association for employees (its caught on me as well), I cannot make a sweeping generalisation that Unions are bad. Of course, there is research to say, that these days, most people do not perceive Unions as something that adds value to business. Personally, I do believe that employees have a right to association. Sometimes, its a reaction to an external influence(often considered as 'bad' with other motives) but that influence becomes easily possible, because employees are insecure.

In this case, this is also a reaction to the economic downturn in the world. For a long time, the employee was a powerful person. Retaining each employee was considered important. Every individual was a Union by himself/herself. Demands were made by each person. If they were not met, he would leave the organisation to join another which would give him the demand he made. He had choices. However in this economy, the employee does not have too much of a bargaining power. Its the employer who has the power to demand these days - or so I thought. This insecurity could lead to associations. When bargaining power reduces, its obvious that only association will give them that parity in the power game. Earlier, a bad manager meant attrition; in a bad economy, it would mean, a step closer to association and unionisation.

Therefore, engagement with employees becomes equally important at these times as well. Many companies would be going in for a lot of cost cutting measures and layoffs could be a way of life. It is important that the company should be perceived as fair and caring. I am not advocating that layoffs should be banned but i am defenitly advocating that layoffs be done with a heart.

Another aspect of this pseudo strike in Jet takes my attention to another important piece. I did like the fact that the Govt did not interfere in the internal affairs of Jet. However, what stands out through this incidence, is the lack of legislation in employee rights in the knowledge segment. Some people believe that the Knowledge industry is based on relationships and therefore people may not resort to legalities. However, it is in a downward economy that the lack of legal clarity becomes paramount. In the absence of clear legislation, only chaos would emerge. As I said earlier, when there are no choices outside, they will fight for rights inside.

In many a channel have I heard people say that Labour Legislations in India stand in the way of faster business transactions. Could be true, that the implementation of the labour laws gives scope for a lot of intervention from Govt Officials which make it either slower, or corrupt. But for every layoff in a factory, the monetory entitlement of the employee is very clear.

If in a software firm, a layoff happens, whats the employee's right? In some companies, its one month salary (whether it is basic or gross, is debatable), and in some others three months. In some, there just would not be anything. The employee himself would be asked to resign, leaving no scope for the concept of layoff itself.

I have often heard of people take examples of American companies, stating that if they could survive with Hire and Fire and create successful companies, why not us? Taking bits and pieces of a system is dangerous. If the US follows the firing policy, they also have a good social security system; they have a severance package negotiated at the time of recruitment etc.

I am not able to take a stand with respect to NAG or any other Union formation, as to whether it is good or bad for business and employees. There are stories to prove either ways. In this case, especially because the pilots did not claim to be on strike! Jet says they would have a consultive body consisting of employees and management to discuss matters of concern. Even the CEO is a part of that body! I guess thats what happens, when employee engagement gets delayed!

I would rather have a consultative body discussing business and employee issues at an industry level, and proactively inlfuencing the Govt to fill the gap in legislations with respect to this set of people.

Another of my Phd topic!!

Hmm

2009-07-21T22:31:00.004+05:30

A year from now, I am going to look back at this year, and truly wonder.
I dont think I will ever be able to explain it.

But i am amazed at my intuition

I think, the leap year, caught up, with the times.

Dont bother to read this post. It makes no sense.

The moment I say this,a friend comes to mind; who would have reminded me, that this apology implies, that I consider all my posts to be highly sensible!
I guess, I just miss my friend.. calvin is welcome

377

2009-07-11T16:42:00.005+05:30

Not much more to say, than what is said in this post by Falstaff
But then I found this video and it sounded like a logical step in this direction.

But it is indeed interesting to watch the news these days. The fact that channels are debating education reforms and gay rights, a friend tells me, is an indication of a democracy's maturity.

Absurd

2009-06-07T18:28:00.004+05:30

"The world has become so complicated that we're all bluffing our way through the business day, hoping we're not unmasked for the boobs that we really are. I see the world as a massive absurd endeavor populated by people who struggle every minute to rationalize the silly things they do.

At work, we think everyone should be guided by logic and rational thinking. Any absurdity in the business setting stands out like a dead nun in a snowbank.

I find great humour in the fact that that we ever take ourselves seriously.

I proudly include myself in the idiot category. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.

It's useless to expect rational behaviour from the people you work with, or anybody else for that matter. If you can come to peace with the fact that you are surrounded by idiots,you'll realise that resistance is futile, your tension will dissipate, and you can sit back and have a good laugh at the expense of others . This can be a very healthy book. "

- Excerpts from THE DILBERT PRINCIPLE - Scott Adams in no particular order.

When did I start liking Dilbert? Hmm, have started losing it :(

I met an entrepreneur once, for an interview. What he told me, at that point of time, recently came back to me with rejuvenated force. I guess, I had not completely got it at that point of time. In our conversation, I had spoken about my ideals/beliefs/philosophy in life, which he understood.

Well, the question that stumbled me was, What have you done about it?

I guess, I will never forget what he told me, why that question mattered to myself :

"You are highly idealistic. Your beliefs are in one direction and you are traveling in another. It would not have mattered even if you did not have those beliefs. It would have been much better that way.But in this manner, in some years, you will become a cynic, because you will stop believing because you never tried."

He found this organisation named Illumine.

I became a cynic.

Self

2009-04-27T09:41:00.006+05:30

One way to maintain sanity above the uncertainties of life, is to have a higher purpose. A purpose, which would make us believe that all that is happening is irrelevant and just another route to the place that we intend to reach. Lack of purpose can be tiring, because, one will then have to justify every action. It's terrible to be in a position where we dont understand ourselves, and we dont see, the purpose anywhere close by.

This has always been the concern with complexity. There is a way of living one's life. The straight way. Its like an "IF THEN" statement in an algorithm. If this is done, then one will be happy.There is certainty about the way, life can be. Even when it is uncertain, there shall be explanations what caused the change in landscape. Because in the land of straight logic, there is a reason for everything, and a justification for every action.

For those who give the space for complexity, unhappiness has its own forms. Was it Tolstoy who said, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. "

Well, its not an option either to live the way one wants.

You are designed to be of one of the kinds. You are programmed either to question all the straight methods, and increase complexity. Or you are made to look at life like a logical flow of events, such that, for every deviation, there is a solution or a reason.

I come back to purpose. For the complex creatures, purpose is a possible way out. But, finding one's purpose, is a complex process by itself.

Or there is something even better.

A dear friend, introduced me to the concept of Nirvana. The beauty of Nirvana is that, it can neither be the purpose nor the destination. Its nothing. If one can understand that, the irrelevance of the complexity would be so liberating. Then, even purpose can be viewed with detachment. Detachment is the word. To complexity, to action, to purpose, and to one's emotions. Its not about not knowing what one is feeling. Its about knowing , and not getting affected.

I know very little, to write about Nirvana. The closest I came to, was when I read Siddhartha. A spiritual journey, that one can travel only by listening to oneself. Quoting Siddhartha,

“It was the self, the purpose and essence of which I sought to learn. It was the self, I wanted to free myself from, which I sought to overcome. But I was not able to overcome it, could only deceive it, could only flee from it, only hide from it. Truly, no thing in this world has kept my thoughts thus busy, as this my very own self, this mystery of me being alive, of me being one and being separated and isolated from all others, of me being Siddhartha! And there is no thing in this world I know less about than about me, about Siddhartha!”

Isn't it obvious, that this journey, can be one of the roughest ride, that one can embark?

Signs

2009-04-24T10:21:00.005+05:30

I can do this ;-)
Pic Courtesy:http://www.flickr.com/photos/music4mix/1782672345/

Oscars 2009

2009-02-23T20:20:00.004+05:30

It was indeed nice to see A R Rahman taking two of those awards home. It looked like he was not prepared with a speech, but the few things he said, were nice.
One, that all his life, he had a choice between love and hate, and he took love, and that he is there. It was even better to watch him say, "Ella pukazhum iraivanukke" - All praises to God.
Like always, humility, is a good thing. As far as ARR is concerned, its a journey, well traveled, from his jingles to the Oscar stage. When I watched the oscars today morning, I guess, I was happy that Indians were winning awards.

But I was happier still to have friends, who could see art above country. They both preferred Milk! You can read one here.

There was another pending argument that I have with one of them- whether Humanism is above Nationalism. Its Tagore's idea, and read Guha write on it.

For me, what was overwhelming was the kind of passion that filled the room.Documentary directors speaking about the trust that their subjects had put on them. It was quite a good morning!

A World View - HR

2009-02-15T18:02:00.004+05:30

I have around five posts sitting in my draft, and none of them are complete, nor coherent. I guess it reflects my state of mind. I tried writing about one issue or the other. However, I am not able to settle down on a complete post.

Last February, I wrote about my learning and the churning in my job. Now, I come back to the same place,in the new role. Only this time, there is lot more of churning, than I could have asked for.

I have friends, who can compartmentalise their work and life. They have passions beyond work. They have things important to them beyond work. Their expectation from work is pretty low. Therefore, work is not defined as boring, or uninspiring. Work is work, which needs to be done, and will be done. This is not to say, that they do not perform well. They do really well! Atleast, one of them, I know, is a workaholic himself. Yet, he does not burden his job, with his expectations.

Well, to me, work cannot be just work. As always, I am emotional about work too! When I joined my institute, I was not sure of exactly what I was going into.When I was learning my subject, I realised, that I truly enjoyed what I learnt. I still do. For one, HR to me, is one positive aspect of Business! Or rather, it was those positive aspects of HR that drew me to it.

Many times, in this blog, have I mentioned, that my view on HR is very conventional. What I am going to say, might land me, a lot of brickbats from hardcore, HR professionals. Let me therefore, say, that this is just my view, of what HR means to me, and therefore drew me to it. Today, there are several specialisations of HR and this is not valid to all aspects of the function.

Like I have done before, I always, like to see the organisation, in the light of a family. I do agree, that it is very simplistic to say that. In a family, the role that parents play is what I truly believe the Human Resources Function to be. I would have said mother, but I could be termed chauvinistic ;-)

Well, then what role do my parents play? For one, my personal value system, comes directly from my parents. When my dad made me stand up whenever, there was an elder in the room. When my mother rebuked me when I did not do my homework on time. When my mother refused to accept an unreasonable comment made by anyone on anyone else. When my dad says to us, to see the human being behind every person who works for us. These value systems, are the foundation stones to my life. They are important to me, and they were set by my parents. In an organisation, its the leadership who define the value system and to me HR has a role, in ensuring that every employee of the company in inducted into this value system. Of course,the buy in of the leadership is inevitable. Our parents not only tell us about the value system. They also rebuke us when we do not follow it. So must HR.

Then comes our development. Is there anyone, in the world, who has take more care than, our moms to ensure that we learn, and develop? It is based on the whole hearted belief that the child's development is the most important aspect of their life. This was the one thing that truly attracted me to this function. That this function, is about development - which is the most positive thing in the world. Even a marketeer will wish that someone else, lose his market share. In HR, I dont have to wish for anyone's downfall, just work for development.

But, it is here, that large organisations and Jack Welch come and play the spoil sport.

What I woudl have wished to do in HR, would have been total development. When you learn HR in a social sciences institute, development is for the most downtrodden of them all. Isn't affirmative action, all about that? When you learn and internalise HR as something like that, a corporate HR role can be slightly paradoxical. Corporate HR believes, that development must be for the best of the lot. Differentiating performance is the key to a high performance culture. No corporate would invest in everyone's development equally. But, you will have to speak about development to everyone. Thats one of the paradoxes!
(Thats not to say that our HR profs in the institute, did not teach us differentiation. We were taught. But who said, education, happens in classrooms alone)

In the government sector, there is absolutely no way, a good performer is going to rise above the senior performer. There is absolutely no differentiation in performance. Anyone who works, works, because they want to. With this constraint, isn't it a wonder that some of the biggest service organisations in India are from the Govt. sector. Even as much as we crib so much about everything slightly related to the Govt, isn't that the life line of the country today?

I deviate from my point, actually.

This is that part of my job,that I detest. These are things that I may have to do, out of my character. Every company says that we need to follow the normal curve in differentiating talent. There can only be a x% of high performers, y% of the core performers and again , a x% of low performers. My job is to ensure that this be done in the organisation. The logic is that, the good performers need to be rewarded differentially i.e. they must be rewarded much more than the others - which is fair! But the trouble is, in organisations, that too, large ones, where a percentage is mandated, the force fitting of talent into the normal curve eventually happens. Managers, will have a tough time explaining to their people, why someone was rated low. That is when, managers will either, say that this is an organisational mandate, which they dont agree with but have to comply, or they will use jargons to explain the differentiation. Either way, they lose authenticity in the eyes of their people.

I have always believed that money is just a hygiene factor, rather than a motivator. Therefore, sometimes, I wonder about the underlying assumption of rewarding differentially, in the first place. Moreover, I think, people get more hurt by the label of the rating, rather than the dissatisfaction about the money receieved. The non performers need to be dealt with. There is no question about that!But forcefitting people as non performers ... hmmm.

So, that is the stage of my career that I am in. Where I wonder, at the processes I am supposed to be driving. Especially, in a large organisation, processes and surveys are done from a very high level, that the people at the unit, rarely feel the impact. Moreover, the constraints of standardisation, leaves much less flexibility at the unit level.

Explaining things about which you are not totally sure of, to people, is sometimes an occupational hazard! This explains it better.

Thats basically what is running through my mind these days.
Whether, what drew me to HR, is still true.

150 things people did before 30

2009-01-11T20:17:00.009+05:30

Its been a long time, since I did a tag, kind of a thing. I found this list on a friend's blog. Like her, I found the list interesting, and it would be nice to see, what all I have done, and what all, I want to do from this. Sorry, dewdrop, its perfect piracy!

The ones in green and bold are the ones I have done
The ones in orange and bold are the ones I wish I do

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. Swam with dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain (kinda)

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. Said “I love you” and meant it

09. Hugged a tree

10. Bungee jumped

11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise ( that too on a train)

14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables ( Don't mind assisting, though ;-) )

18. Touched an iceberg

19. Slept under the stars

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

24. Given more than you can afford to charity

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger

30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can - but it was not enough!

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk

42. Had amazing friends

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

44. Watched whales

45. Stolen a sign

46. Backpacked in Europe

47. Taken a road-trip

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach

50. Gone sky diving

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs

57. Pretended to be a superhero

58. Sung karaoke - and i suck at it!

59. Lounged around in bed all day

60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving

62. Kissed in the rain

63. Played in the mud

64. Played in the rain

65. Gone to a drive-in theater

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

69. Toured ancient sites - but could do more!!!!

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married

73. Been in a movie

74. Crashed a party

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days

77. Made cookies from scratch

78. Won first prize in a costume contest - some prize, i guess... long time back

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo

81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"

83. Gotten flowers for no reason

84. Performed on stage

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music

87. Eaten shark

88. Kissed on the first date

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

93. Been on a cruise ship

94. Spoken more than one language fluently

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

98. Passed out cold

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking with the windows open

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

105. Wrote articles for a large publication

106. Lost over 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

108. Piloted an airplane

109. Touched a stingray

110. Broken someone’s heart

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a TV game show

113. Broken a bone

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

118. Ridden a horse

119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about - I guess!

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes

134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

137. Skipped all your school reunions :(

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. Been elected to public office

140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

145. Had a booth at a street fair

146. Dyed your hair

147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident

150. Saved someone’s life

Wow! That was easy! But I am not sure, why there are things like cause an accident, and get a divorce, but its just a fun thing :) Maybe these are 150 things people have done, and hence the title:)

World View

2009-01-05T18:57:00.005+05:30

Ever heard of the word, world view?

I heard about this a year back. It was a discussion, where one of my friends 'realised' that I had a world view different from him! I am not sure of that, with regards to him, but I thought the term was pretty interesting to explain, why some opinions, or patterns of opinions seem to be much beyond one's understanding.

As I think further on the topic, I guess, world views can be regarding several subjects. It could be possible, that one would have a liberal view on one subject while maintaining a very conventional or orthodox world view on another. I am sure, I do. I do live in a mirage that I am generally a liberal person, but I guess, its because I view it through a particular subject.

Come to think of it, I have often realised, that my close friends, have a similar pattern in our world views, which makes life easier, between us. It is possible, that we have different views on issues, but we generally come from the same space. I can understand where they come from, which makes it easier, for me to understand them.

Another aspect of world views is that, we evolve. Depending on the several influences, like the books we read, the movies we see, the places we travel, the schools we study, the people we meet, and situations that we experience, our world view also evolves.In some cases, we travel a full circle.

Today, I was thinking about one such circle that I was traveling. I realised, the meaning of 'perception is reality'. One tends to act in coherence with the world view that one has, at present. Things are right and wrong, depending on the world view with which you judge the action. Being non judgmental is also a world view, I guess. Some call it insensitive detachment. The challenge, I am facing in this journey, is that I am evolving/trying to evolve into a different world view. It can be difficult when the action belongs to one world view, and the rules belong to another!

There are subjects, in which I feel that my views are evolved, and clear. In some I am confused, and in some, I am no where close to an answer. I am going to try and articulate my 'world view' on some of the subjects. Feminism, and gender would be one in which my views will be well articulated. Faith would be the confused view. Morality would be another confusion. Regarding my political ideology, I am no where close to an answer. My world view, on HR is pretty conventional - its not clear but its not too confused either, and in that, I am clearly evolving. My view on Humanity and Love, will be the most hypocritical post in this blog, I'm sure!

Then, why this post? I tried writing one post on all the above, but I guess, it would do me good to articulate each one in a different post. It might give me some answers after all.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-29T00:57:00.007+05:30

I was searching for a year end, post!
I found it here. I could not have said it better!

When 2008 began, I entered into the new year, with this constant nag that leap years have been bad for me. I think, I continued with that fear for the entire year. There were times, that I was so happy, that I thought, it was too good to be true. It was surprising, that I was happy and genuinely happy for such a long stretch of time. Happiness was a luxury in the past few years. I was waiting for the strike. I was almost sure, that the leap year would do it to me.

But this leap year, spared me. Or so, I think.

When December began, it was another feeling, that indulged me. That of hope.
Of a new year, that too, an odd one at that! Till yesterday, that is.

Today, I am scared, of my expectations. My optimism, can sometimes, blind me from the truth. But my guess is, 2009, will be the year, when I will have to face it. I thought, I faced it once, and was done with it.

Truth, has a habit of coming back and haunting you.It comes in different forms.Sometimes, it even makes you happy.You might think that you are comfortable with it, and that you have done all possible things to deal with it but sometimes, it just does not let you.It keeps coming back, and expects you to deal with it, again and again. I thought I had become numb, but I guess it knows its way around.

The truth is, 2009, has no significance. Its just another year. The uncertainty of the times will be there, till truth wishes to reveal itself. And even then, it just would not have been over!

So its Neruda for now!

What hope to consider, what pure foreboding,
what definitive kiss to bury in the heart,
to submit to the origins of homelessness and intelligence,
smooth and sure over the eternally troubled waters?

What vital,speedy wings of a new dream angel
to install on my sleeping shoulders for perpetual security,
in such a way that the path through the stars of death
be a violent flight begun many days and months and centuries ago?

Suppose the natural weakness of suspicious,anxious creatures
all of a sudden seeks permanence in time and limits on earth,
suppose the accumulated ages and fatigues implacably
spread like the lunar wave of a just created ocean
over lands and shorelines tormentedly deserted

Oh, let what I am keep on existing and ceasing to exist,
and let my obedience align itself with such iron conditions
that the quaking of deaths and of births doesn't shake
the deep place I want to reserve for myself eternally.

Let me,then,be what I am, whatever and in whatever weather,
rooted and certain and ardent witness,
carefully,unstoppably, destroying and saving himself,
openly engaged in his original obligation

- It means Shadows

Nevertheless, Happy New Year!

Weakness

2008-12-15T23:01:00.002+05:30

I've always been enamoured by weak heroes. I feel they are far more real. Their misery, sometimes, due to their own weakness, is so real that I never miss the feeling. In this blog, I have written about strong women. Its ironical, that I am now writing about weak men ;-)
Thats just one of my biases!

My first relationship with the weak hero began with my once favourite, "The Class" by Erich Segal.Although, there is not much misery, I loved it, that the hero, writing in first person, praises every other character in the book, for either their courage, intellect or talent. Even when you reach the last few pages, its only when the author reminds you, that you realise that this 'ordinary man' was so important to all those great men.

I guess, I have grown a bit from there.

My favourite, weak hero, will be from the malayalam novel, "Oru Sankeerthanam Pole" written by Perumbadavam. I don't read a lot of malayalam, but I am glad that I read this. The novel is about 2 weeks in the life of the Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevosky(I got the spelling wrong again! Thanks to Wiki) In this small period, he meets Anna, who later becomes his wife. She is his stenographer, typing out his novel, one which he is under pressure to complete due to his financial concerns. My words just fail to convey the emotional turmoil that Dostoevosky goes through.His weaknesses, his gambling, his poverty and his inability to write on some days. I will always remember my heart travelling the heroes crests and troughs.

The trigger to this post, is the latest book, I read - The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. In this, I am not sure, if it was the hero or the author that I am in awe of. The book is again written in first person. Its about guilt. The guilt of a little boy, and even that guilt arises from his weakness, his lack of courage. In a blogpost, one may write, not to be brave is not a crime. I guess, only the coward will know the pain behind cowardice. I am not sure, if I have read another author who made me feel so much, for a coward.

The fact of the matter is, we have cowards all around, and we love them too. I am serious here. Because noone, can be brave all the time. These are times, when we speak high about the police officers and the commandos, and you would understand that I dont mean that alone, when I speak of bravery.

I think I read the most "unchauvinistic"(if there is a word like that) in The Kite Runner. It read like this:

"I cringed a little at the position of power I'd been granted, and all because I had won at the genetic lottery that had determined my sex"

I think thats why I like weak heroes. When I say, weak, I mean people who are conscious of their weaknesses. Everyone has weaknesses, only some are aware of this. I guess, only a man, who is aware of his weakness can be graceful enough to realise that the supremacy of a gender bestowed upon him by the society, is so very superficial. That, for a lovely, world, there is no need for supremacy. I did not believe a friend, when he said, that I liked Hosseini only because he agreed with me. I guess its true.

But I also liked him for his non judgemental self. When you read this novel, not for a moment, will you feel that any one is wrong. Its always a situation. I always admire an author, who can be non judgemental even when he is emotional.

There is a scene where Amir, the hero, tries, to argue with an officer in the emigration office why he must let him adopt his nephew, Sohrab. The officer disagrees, stating that adopting a Afghani child is near to impossible as there would not be enough papers to prove that the child is indeed an orphan. Before leaving, he confronts the officer with a "Do you have children? They ought to put someone in your chair, who knows what its like to want a child"
As Amir storms out of the room, the scene goes like this, where he calls out to the secretary,

" "Your boss could use some manners", I said. I expected her to roll her eyes, maybe nod in that, "I know, everybody says that." kind of way.Instead she lowered her voice.
"Poor Ray.He hasn't been the same since his daughter died." "

An author, who must have feelings for the dismal state of affairs of his homeland, has made space for another individual, and his situation. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend, and I was telling her, that both of us, were probably the most self centered individuals, I knew. That we almost, never had space for anyone else's feelings. I think I loved Hosseini, for something that I lacked.

Then of course, I loved Amir's views on morality. The Afghan clan is also not free from social distinctions and culture. As Amir's father says, "The man is a Pashtun.He has nang and namoos." Nang.Namoos. Honour and Pride.
Amir falls in love with Soraya, who tells him that she has a past, where she runs away with another guy and spends a month with him, before returning home. But it needs a different frame of mind to be ok with it. I wonder, how Richard Gere, in Pretty Woman can be a great hero, when he tells Julia Roberts, "I never treated you like a prostitute".

In the book,

"
"She smiled and took my hand.
" I am so lucky to have found you. You're so different from every Afghan guy I've met"
"Lets never talk about this, okay?"
"Okay"
I kissed her cheek and pulled away from the curb. As I drove, I wondered why I was different.Maybe it was because I had been raised by men; I had never grown up around women and had never been exposed first hand to the double standard with which Afghan society sometimes treated them.Maybe it was because Baba had been such an unusual Afghan father, a liberal who had lived by his own rules, a maverick who had disregarded or embraced societal customs as he had seen fit.

But I think a big part of the reason I didn't care about Soraya's past was that I had one of my own. I knew all about regret "

I dont know, why I am typing out the book all over again. This book is about the life of man who has regrets, who feels guilty for being afraid. This is a story of a weak man.

I feel, only a weak man, can see beyond the futlity of power, even that of moral high grounds. Therein lies the power in weakness.

Camera Running - Emotions, anyone?

2008-11-30T21:53:00.008+05:30

Yesterday I went to see Vaaranam Aayiram. The commando operations in the movie, failed to make any impact in my mind. After seeing two days of continuous coverage of the Taj, Trident and Nariman House operations on TV, the scene in the movie seemed far too amateur. Well, what was real, was the empty theatre hall on a Friday evening in Bangalore for a new movie.

Like many of you, I have been switching channels trying to make some sense out of this chaos. I dont think, I have managed to do that. The violence, the young terrorists, the hate and the loss of innocent lives, just fails to make any sense, in my mind. My ignorance!

It would take some time, for me to forget Sabina Sehgal's husband. For a husband, who had received the last sms from his wife, which said , "they are in my bathroom", he did not betray his emotions. I dont think he had much hopes, even when he was waiting for her outside, for he had seen flames coming out of her room.

Barkha, that was sad enough for me.

Please do not sell his tragedy. I dont think, your TRPs are worthy of that. If I want to entertain myself with basic instincts, Roadies 6.0 has begun this saturday. I can watch that. Thank you very much. Breaking news and Flash news are a part of our daily life. We are now immune to that. But, at this time of tragedy,

how justifiable, is it to ask a son..

“Your father is trapped inside. How are you feeling? What is it that is taking you forward? Is it the support of friends or is it prayers? You seem to be looking very calm, how are you doing this? I saw that you were sitting inside the car waiting rather than being there"

Or to a wife
"How are you feeling? You seem to be a strong woman.What keeps you together at this time, of difficulty?"

Maybe, I can help you with the answer, Barkha, its called helplessness!

It was defenitly not the right time to joke with her that she would not fight with her husband again.Never have I felt this angry at the misuse of any word. Barkha, you dont necessarily have to make them speak about their 'feelings' to know what was going on in their minds. In fact, if your were aware of that, maybe, you would not have asked them these questions. Maybe, you forgot your sensitivity at the studios.

Barkha, I cant imagine, how you can ask people to say something to their 'husbands' and 'wives' on camera. This is no awards ceremony, where people can kiss and thank people. For heaven's sake, stop creating news with people's emotions. What were you expecting them to say, by the way? This is no reality show, where tears are shed over doctored suspenses.

Of course, Barkha described the family members to be stoic. She did not get enough emotions, that she would have liked. The family members were busy being anxious. Please excuse them, Barkha.

Today, NDTV news is about how politicians are fishing for votes in this tragedy. Not very differently, media is fishing for TRPS.

Enough is enough, says NDTV.

I feel like showing it to Barkha.

(This is not to undermine the tremendous hard work put in by journalist, Barkha included, for informing us, promptly about the events that happened in Mumbai. NDTV, particularly, is one of the channels which maintains, some code of content. But then, please.. some sensitivity)

Empowered Women of Kerala - Part 2

2008-10-14T22:29:00.007+05:30

Blog Action Day is an annual no profit event that aims to unite the world's bloggers , pod casters, video casters to post on the same issue on the same day. The aim is to raise awareness and trigger a global discussion. This year the topic is Poverty.

Muhammad Yunus,Winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, 2006 (Grameen Bank) says in his book,

"Relatively speaking, hunger and poverty are far more women's issues than male issues.Women experience hunger and poverty in far more intense ways.Being poor is tough but being a poor woman is toughest of all"

At the same time, there is enough research to prove, that when the woman earns, it raises the quality of life of the household and of the society at large. When the woman of a family works, 100% of the money flows into the well being of the family.

During my postgraduation, I had the most beautiful experience of writing a research paper, on a topic that was close to my heart. The paper was about Women Entrepreneurs associated with SHGs. For some time now, that has been my enriching learning experience. These were women who were associated with a Poverty Alleviation Program of the Kerala State Govt named Kudumbashree based on Microfinance.

On this Blog Action Day on Poverty, I cannot but write on Microfinance and its role in Poverty Alleviation because,

1. I saw it in Action
2. Its about Women
3. It is based on my favourite management jargon - participative governance

The model in India is based on the assumption that poverty would be reduced if the fruits of growth, which initially go to the rich would trickle down to the poor.

It might be good to see an observation in this context.
Amit Bhaduri's article says that in contrast to earlier times when less than 4% of growth was associated with 2% of employment, India is experiencing 7-8% of growth in recent years, but the growth in regular employment has hardly exceeded 1%.

Microfinance is a trickle up model of growth.
Microfinance (mF) is a financial service of small quantity provided by financial institutions (FI) to the poor. These financial services may include savings, credit, insurance, leasing, money transfer, equity transaction, etc, that is, any type of financial service, provided to customers to meet their normal financial needs: life cycle, economic opportunity and emergency. with the only qualification that (i) transaction value is small and (ii) customers are ‘poor’. So far as microsaving services are concerned, the advent of self-help group (SHG) movement has been a very successful tool in the process.

One post is too less to dwelve into the topic of Microfinance. But let me go personal again :) While putting down this research as a researcher, I had to atleast try to be as objective as possible. In this blogpost, well, I can once again, express my feelings, when i think about the people and women I met at Kudumbashree.

Kudumbashree is the Poverty Eradication Mission of the Keral a Govt. All details in their website.

Around ten - twenty women from a Neighbourhoods get together to form a group. This group known as the NHG(Neighbourhood Help Group) would discuss their problems, mobilize thrift, administer need based learning,maintain accounts, venture into small microenterprises, initiate action against social evils. Through the active involvement of the women in this process, the women from poor families are facilitated to learn new lessons to tackle multiple dimensions of poverty.

Microfinance model was initiated to help the poor tackle poverty. One of the major disadvantages that the poor used to face was the non availability of cash in the form of loan. Banks were extremely cautious in lending to the poor as they felt that the poor would default on the loans and they would have no collateral to be able to administer the same. Another disadvantage that the Banks had was that, they would not know the people locally and did not have any understanding of their lives. This is where the local money lenders came to picture. They knew the local people well, and used it to their advantage. They lend out at high interests, and the poor were forever caught in the cycle of loans.

That is where the Mcrofinance model came as a great breakthrough. The members in a NHG, would put in their money into the central pool as their savings. At times of need, the group would give out the loan to the person in the group. The group would administer itself, in terms of repayment and also determining the need of the person. They are neighbours! Who would be in a better position to determine their need, their ability to repay and their discipline to the group.

Sometimes, these NHG would upgrade into forming a microenterprise, and the bank's collateral would be the group itself. This would be facilitated by Kudumbashree. The bank is spared of the microlevel monitoring as well. It was also found that repayment pattern of women were also good!!

Swarna Jayanthi Rozgar Yojana (SJSRY) is an anti poverty program/scheme launched by the Central Govt. for eradicating powerty in urban areas.
How many people do you think will know about them?
Kudumbashree plays an important role in facilitating these entrepreneurs. Kudumbashree takes the schemes to them, upgrades their capablility and even develops some of them into entrepreneurs!
And today, in Urban Areas, the SJSRY has helped form 1345 Group and 15382 Individual Units across the 58 Urban Local bodies of the state, thus benefitting 28889 families. In Rural areas, 1268 Individual enterprises and 3893 Group enterprises have been formed benefitting 24,906 people.

I go nuts over self governance! Can you imagine a group of women, probably, managing a professonal set up for the first time, and all on their own? They would elect their President, Secretary and Treasurer. These roles would be rotated among the members too. They would have their own rules, in their group. Of course, its not a smooth ride, as they also have their set of conflicts.

In my earlier post, I had spoken about the three dimensions of empowerment.
- Economic
- Social
- Political

The Microfinance model, strives to empower women holistically.
It all began with their Economic Empowerment. They get access to money, their savings are kept safely within the group and it is their money!

Socially, this group discusses their issues and concerns. Its like they have a group of women supporting their concern. For a group which has started an enterprise, the kind of exposure that they get would be very empowering. In a savings group, the challenge would be to always ensure that they spend time discussing their concerns too. In some cases, the group meetings can end up as just a money calculating exercise, especially in a savings group! This would be a major forum to incresase their Social Empowerment. The power of the group, is immense!

Kudumbashree has a three tier model, starting from the NHG, ADS (Area Development Society) formed of 10-15 NHGs.At Panchayat level, a CDS(Community Development Society) is a registered body formed by federating several ADSs. All these bodies, have elected Presidents from among them.

When I was doing the research, the CDS President was also the elected Panchayat President! Do I need to say more, regarding their Political empowerment? Its not done yet. I know that. All I am saying is that this is a great forum, for atleast developing their political involvement.

Kudumbashree has its set of challenges too! It was never going to be easy! When I was there, I got to meet a group of highly inspired people. It began from the Executive Director, T K Jose,IAS to the District Program Coordinators. The team has changed but I hope the spirit is still the same.

I had the opportunity of meeting three groups of women involved in three micro enterprises.One was a restaurant in Edapally, Ernakulam. The other was an IT unit in Trivandrum, called Technoworld, and the last, and the enterprise, which had the Panchayat President was the Garbage Collecting Enterprise, by the name, Clean Kerala.

Well, on this Blog Action Day, a request from my end. In case you are living in Kerala and you come across any of the micro enterprises set up by these groups, from Kudumbashree, maybe you could look again and buy their products/services!

They are an awesome set of women!

Empowered Women of Kerala - Part 1

2008-10-10T01:44:00.007+05:30

Outlook says that Kerala is No 1 in Women's Empowerment.

Social Indicators have been highly favourable to Kerala. Therefore it came as no surprise to see Kerala in the top ranks in different parameters.

Sex Ratio :
Kerala : 1058 India: 927

Literacy:
Kerala: 88% for women India : 54% for women

Life Expectancy for Women:
Kerala: 73.1 India: 65.4

Maternal Mortality per 1000
Kerala: 1.3 India: 5.7

Child death rate/1000
Kerala:14 India:73

Birth rate/ 1000
Kerala: 16 India: 27.2

Age of marriage:
Kerala: 22 India:18

The Outlook article measures Women's Empowerment by three parameters:
FemaleLiteracy, Sex Ratio and Fertility Rate.

Kerala has seen the benefits of a literate female population which in turn has lead to better health care awareness, and I am glad it is so. Sex Ratio of the state is 1058 which is the highest in the country. Happy & Proud.

But look a little more deeper, and there could be a bit more truth in there.

Sex ratio of the state in the 0-6 age category is a meager 962. I am worried at this.
This has been an important indicator of HDI of any country/state. The point I am making is that, I see a reverse trend in this indicator.
This trend tells me that, sex selective abortion could be practised in Kerala.

UPDATE: Read about the debate on whether the reverse trend is indeed because of the increase in sex selective abortion here
Therefore, the above statement is just a speculation.
In Kerala, when people are aware of their legal issues, it would be very difficult to prove it, even if it were happening. So, this is only to say that, we could be alert to this.

Without undermining the other indicators, I am forced to ask, whether these parameters alone signify Women's Empowerment?

To me, holistic empowerment would mean, economic, social and political empowerment.

1. Economic Empowerment

a. Work Participation
Though Kerala ranks high in literacy, the work participationsex ratio shows a deviation. The higher literacy is not a sufficient condition for equality at work. The female work participation rate in Kerala declined from 16.61% in 1981 to 15.85% in 1991.It further declined to 15.28% in 2001. The national average is 22.38%.
When literacy does not translate into jobs, are women economically empowered?

Along with low work participation, rates of unemployment and gender differentials in the labour market persist across the society and are prevalent in Kerala too.

Biases in the employment originate with the educational system, in which women are typically limited to the generalised liberal arts education and are seriously underrepresented in vocational and professional courses.

b. Relatively unequal Property Rights

Women hold only 23.18% of the operational holdings in the State. Women own only 17% of the total area under operational holdings (Economic Review, Kerala State Planning Board)

The above two are linked. Women dont work and hence dont own property.

2. Social Empowerment

a. Dowry
The declining sex ratio is only an indication of a big social evil, that of dowry. Kerala was known for its simple weddings but not anymore. Watch a Malayalam channel for an hour, and you shall see ewellery houses taking over a big chunk of the time. The heavy jewellery that the bride adorns on her special day, to me, is not the best part of the wedding.

b. Increase in instances of gender based violence against women
There have been increasing instances of gender based violence, particularly domestic violence against women in Kerala. A study conducted by INCLEN and ICRW on domestic violence in Kerala found that as high as 62.3% and 61.61% of women were subjected to physical torture and mental harrassment as compared to 37% and 35.5% at the national level.

3. Political Empowerment

Take a look at the State wise participation% of elected women panchayat representatives in the three tiers in 2002 at this website

In Gram Panchayat, Kerala has a participation of 36%
In Intermediate Panchayat, Kerala has a participation of 38%
In District Panchayat, Kerala has a participation of 34%

In the three tiers, Karnataka has a participation of 45%, 42% and 38% respectively.
Of course, Bihar, Delhi, UP, Mizoram, Nagaland etc have no representation.

We are not bad! But for a state which has majority of female population, is this representation good enough?

When it comes to empowerment, you can never say enough.
I am happy for the No1 slot but I am not too sure.

This is not to say, that things are doomed in Kerala. This is only to remind ourselves, that we still have some way to go!

This is the first part of the post on Women's Empowerment where we analyse some of the negative indicators. In the second part, we shall take a look into a movement of a different kind, which can play a role in changing these indicators positively.
That post would be a part of the Blog Action Day Post on Poverty.

References:
Poverty and Young Women's Employment :Linkages in Kerala : Pradeep Panda (EPW, Sep 20, 2003)
Sakhi Kerala

Girl :)

2008-09-25T17:23:00.011+05:30

Do visit http://www.girleffect.org

****************************************************************

http://www.girleffect.org

Make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway.

hmmm

2008-09-22T10:51:00.003+05:30

Needed to read this, now!
Dont ask me what I searched for when I found this ;-)
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=896041
Have a great week ahead :)

zoooooooooooooooooom

2008-09-18T20:30:00.004+05:30

Now, I have the answer to the question for a tag, "Which was your first car?"

I got my first car :) Bangalore does it for me!

My friend tells me, I have started my middle class journey.
Next, I shall get my housing loan, he says.
The icing, was the last step.
He tells me, "You are so middle class. After all this, you will get married, and emotionally hype that you got married with your own money." He almost puked!
See, why i love my friends?

According to him, I should finance his movie. I said, "make a movie on gender(more specifically, my brief was that it should be a female oriented movie), and show me the script".
He puked again!! On second thoughts, he might make porn!

I have full faith in his movie making abilities, though not on the subjects that he could choose ;-)

Coming back to my car. Yep, i got myself a car.
The fun part was, when family came into picture! Mom said, I should get the car delivered on 15th September as, from the next day, the new month was beginning and it was not that auspicious.
Well, if its difficult, take the car delivered on Wednesday, but try for Monday, was her request.

So, i convey that to my sales man from Maruti. He agrees at first, and then calls back to tell me that they may not be able to deliver it on Monday. He said , it was not possible to get it registered at the RTO that day, as there were many cars to be registered and for the same reason.
Well, I insisted.
There are not many opportunities where I do what my mom asks me to!
So, we got the car delivered. This was "pooja delivery".
That means, you get the car without the registration, so that you can believe that the delivery happened on a good day, "as per records" ;-) No registration means, no insurance!
So, we took the car and drove it to the temple and did the "pooja".

That basically meant, that, for good luck for my vehicle, and for my well being with the car, i put the vehicle on a far more unsafe situation, by taking the car out without registration nor insurance.
It happens only in India!!!

Hmm, brother tells me, that i was acting as if i did not believe in the pooja.
No! I am not a rebel or anything. Just that when the priest was doing the pooja, i was reminded of the thousand poojas that we used to do in my Dad's office, home etc. According to whatever happened, Dad would interpret it as a "good sign" or a "bad sign". If the coconut that we broke, was bad, it was a bad sign. If the lamp got lit in the first instance, it was a good sign. After all these years, those symbolic interpretations have ceased to make sense.
Well, I liked one thing about the pooja,though.The priest gave us a receipt right in the beginnning even without us, asking for it. It said, "Car pooja : 101Rs"
I like it when priests or anyone, proactively give me the receipt. Thats what i call, a good sign.
I must also say, he did a nice and simple pooja.

The most important point, however, is that I must learn to drive without anyone beside me!!!!

Left Right or Center

2008-08-03T14:49:00.005+05:30

It was during one of those Political Sciences classes during my post graduation, that I first discussed the term Ideology. I was too much of a CP (Class Participation) person and therefore would have spoken quite a bit in class, but looking back, I don’t think, I really knew what I was speaking about. Not that I would today, just that I may not speak as much thinking that I don’t know. But then, this is my trouble with me today. I am paranoid about the truth in my sentences.

I am digressing from the topic, but this too was an interesting observation by a friend. He made two observations about the above statement, in two different contexts. One, that it was because, I was taking myself too seriously that I was too worried about the essence of what I said. Nothing is to be taken blindly, but this statement was refreshing!

Another aspect of the above statement was when we were talking about intellectuals. I was reading Amartya Sen’s The Argumentative Indian. Find the review here. I had liked it, even when what the above reviewer says is true. Then we had this discussion about intellectuals. In the world of governance the bureaucrats are the intellectuals. They do the analysis, evaluate and suggest what the government should be doing. His argument was that many of the game changing measures, especially in the plane of social development that politicians had taken would not have happened if it had been left to the intelligent bureaucrats. He said, leaders would take populist measures for their people, and it may not sound logical to the ones in search of the right answers. It could be another post on how this ‘search for truth’ works.

Of course, there is only one thing I can say. I don’t know.

My exposure to the political scene was pretty minimal. I was more comfortable in the clichés of “politicians are corrupt, politicians are bad”. I could barely distinguish between left and right. Taking a stand is no way near.

A lot of these thought processes were kindled by some posts, some comments on some other’s posts and some valuable discussions.

The first exposure that I had to the Left was SFI in my Engineering College. The few people with whom I have spoken to about their inclination could not educate me on the Left ideology and if there were people who could, they might have been too busy. I was voting for those individuals, rather than any party. I liked those people. That was it. There were other friends who were part of ABVP because they felt that SFI was having too much clout in the campus. Therefore, there too, there was not too much ideology to discuss. As far as ABVP was concerned, the only thing that I knew was that, I was not a great fan of anything that propagated the saffron agenda.

Then there were these odd conversations that used to happen in journeys with some stranger who would tell us the tale of the Trade Union set up in Kerala because of which his company had to stop work. Then the conversation would lead to how, the communists in Kerala were not letting industry develop in the state, and how this state survives because people leave and go to other states where industry has flourished. That was the Left to me. There would also be jokes around how the poor middle class salaried man had to pay the unloading/loading union to unload his own luggage..

I shall be quoting a few blogs in this post but it is only to say that these posts kindled a certain thought in my head. This blog is one which truly makes me sit up and look at the same picture with a different lens. Take a look at this post. As I read that article by Amit Bhaduri, I felt it was yet another push down of the development that could be possible. But check this comment by Madhukar, where he says,

“Unfortunately, all optimistic figures about employment are invariably future “projections” and “potentials” - on the other hand, all surveys since mid-90s, actually show a decline in employment creation. Like many “developed”, India has also fallen into “Productivity trap”…”

And what Bhupinder himself says, “I guess the jury is out on the reforms every 5 years (or sooner) since the so- called reforms were launched. Each time, the ruling party has been ousted. While manufacturing statistics is easier- so much so that it can become self- delusional as in BJP’s Shining India campaign- the general elections is where the verdict is clear. This is Bhaduri’s starting pointing in the article.”

The article by Amit Bhaduri also says about Jobless Growth.

“First, in contrast to earlier times when less than 4 per cent growth on an average was associated with 2 per cent growth in employment, India is experiencing a growth rate of some 7-8 per cent in recent years, but the growth in regular employment has hardly exceeded 1 per cent”

Read this post by Madhukar on India’s Rural Energy Security

I was comfortable in my own world of development in the midst of same old responses.

What can I say again? I don’t know.

I have been built too much in the belief that growth will lead to development which in turn would lead to overall development.

It was probably the nuclear deal which brought ideologies to the forefront again. There were a few bloggers who wrote about the break up of the alliance. Find it here and here and here .

Both of them have blamed Manmohan Singh for the fall out. However dirty the clash between these personalities might have ended up, in the parliament, it was to me, a clash of ideologies. As much as Karat had an ideology guiding him, so did Manmohan. I like to believe that both men had intended it well. It has however turned into a bitter personality fight with each of them taking a partner with doubtful credential about their political principles. You could ask me how I made this judgment. What do I know about Mayawati or Amar Singh? I don’t. I am just giving in to what a few columnists said in Economic Times.

You know, what I will say. I don’t know.

I have often thought about the role of activists in society. As a student of a very prestigious social sciences institute, I knew some social work friends who went to sit in solidarity with Medha Patkar in front of the Coca cola factory in Plachimada as part of their study tour. It was another story that there were some students who were themselves consumers of Coke. But we need activists, to remind us.

After all, profit making is the only motive of corporates. There are several examples of corporates developing new policies and being more careful in utilizing natural resources and in contaminating the environment. Many of them were lessons learnt from the noise made by these activist groups. Even in such situations, what I would prefer would be a dialogue. The idea should not be to close down the industry; neither should the corporate be blind to the concern raised. Interaction between the two groups would lead to more responsible industries.

The Left ideology also plays that role according to me.

But even this is so simplistically put. There is so much more truth hidden below the base.

What is the truth behind this violence? What is the truth behind this text book?

Hahaha, I of course, don’t know.

Congress was a safe choice. At least their ideology (a friend says, their only ideology is governance) spells out secularism, in the sense that I understand.Aam aadmi is not a foreign word to them- Kamal Nath speaks about livelihood at WTO talks in Geneva. I am once again in search of truth regarding the pros and cons of liberalization. Once again, I have been programmed to think that it was good for India and that it has to be attributed to Manmohan Singh.

Is Congress truly secular? Is it difficult to find situations and people in the Congress who would beat its ideology?

The combination of both was something which was a good blend which I look forward to as a citizen.

You might ask me, so what my point is by the way?

It was what I began from. If you ask me, to define what my ideology is, I find myself lost in this complicated maze of truth. I end where I began. I once again, begin my search for truth. Thankfully, those who have been elected are free from this search. They either do not have an ideology or are blindly given to one. Their energy is spent in acting in the way they have defined for themselves. I hope.

I end with this news item. At all times, I love the idea of Love.

Women in Love

2008-07-06T08:46:00.009+05:30

Its not my favourite of DH Lawrence.

I like Sons and Lovers more. But the subject title of this post, is what this post is about. I really hope that my language does not betray me while I put this down, because I am writing about one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, that of love. The passion that accompanies this emotion, has no equals, atleast with some people.

And believe me, its not personal:)

It was a nice sunday morning. I finally got myself to go for an early walk. I love listening to "Kal Ho Na Ho" during my walks. Its beautiful in the background. When I came back, it was time for nostalgia, and old photographs in my laptop beckoned. With orkut,some of my friends, upload their photographs. If they are really cute, as some of them are, I save them, so that, in beautiful mornings like these, they give me company.

Have you seen couples posing for photographs? I am talking about Indian couples here, especially within a few years of their wedding. The man, encircling his arms around the woman's shoulders, and the woman probably holding him around his wasit. This is quite a universal pose. Notice, and you will find it. Its cute.

Then i noticed some other friends! I am actually talking about two close friends of mine. Two very strong women. Passion is their second name. Compromise is foreign to them - in love and life. I mean it! In love and life. They are so true to themselves, that its painful. They know that, more than anyone else, and yet they cant be otherwise.

This is not to tell you about their life story. Just that I am amazed.

What caught my attention was that even their photographs tell me a different story, so different from the others. Their photographs tell me about their love, their expression. Their individuality strongly defined, even in their expressions of love. They are not shy. They look at their loved ones, with passion and confidence. If they did not love, they would not look.

Courtesy

Oh , these women in love! The sight is beautiful.

Words fail me! My language is too tame to explain to you, what these women represent. They are extra ordinarily sexy. I tried searching for some character in books or in movies, which could come closest to these women. A passionate woman, so much in love and yet so strong and her man loves her for that! Hmm, am not too sure, if there are many. Even Wuthering Heights, which is said to be the benchmark of a love story tells us nothing much about Catherine's love. Bronte had brought the confusion in her mind brilliantly, but I did not see Catherine's passion in that. Its so full of Heathcliff. Love in the time of Cholera is about Florentino Ariza's passion. Suhasini in Sindhu Bhairavi, in theory represents a strong woman passionately in love with a married man. But the characterization does not let the woman evolve fully.The film tells us explicitly that she is like that, but the character does not display that. The evergreen, Clara, in Thoovanathumbikal(Padmarajan), although does not betray her passion, is the closest that I could find. We know, she is strong, and we know she is capable of such passionate love. Passion and Individuality - its a combination that I have not seen popular art explore much. Its either an extreme situation like in Susanna(TV Chandran), or even Clara. I am happy, atleast that these characters are there. But I have still not come across a character, so among us, and yet so intense. If you have any examples, please do share it.

Any feeling that resides in their heart, is of far greater intensity than you would normally know. It comes from the element of the woman. Its not represented in their actions. It is them. They cannot be tamed. Courtesy

The trouble is that, the society is not used to such women. Even they themselves are not used to it. Therefore, I have seen them feel so out of place in a world that believes that compromise is the way of life. Its a tough fight for them.

If they are like this, the man standing beside them, is no ordinary one either. You cannot love this woman, if you are insecure. She is so strong, believe me, that an ordinary man, will not be able to handle her passion.

I have always loved Linton, in Wuthering Heights. It requires courage to love and let go. Even in today's Hindu, Shashi Deshpande, suggests that Heathcliff's passion is powerful. Is love only in expression? What love is it, which does not let the woman lead her life in peace, oh the little peace that she finds rarely? If what Heathcliff showed was love, i hate love!

One of the explanations of a particular star sign in Linda Goodman ends thus,

" She will never take the train when she can fly.She'll never be silent when she can speak.She'll never turn away when she can help.She'll never walk when she can run.Her mind is so full of thoughts and her heart is so full of so many hopes, she may need a computer to sort it all out. Or does she need someone who can run beside her and toss dreams with her - from here to tomorrow?"

safari

2008-06-21T23:32:00.005+05:30

There's just a long road.The trouble is, I don't know if i am travelling into or away from the destination! I guess the trick is to enjoy the safari. It was a beautiful forest, by the way.

Have you locked the door?

2008-05-19T22:06:00.006+05:30

Its just another hyped case. The news channels have got something to shove into our face. We've heard these stories all along. No big deal.

But I am afraid. When I see that locked door, to my bedroom, I have to try hard not to think of some unknown man behind it. When I see the driver outside my door in the morning, who asks for the bucket to wash the car, I cannot help think, whether I must try to keep my engagement with him as minimal as possible. Basically, I am freakingly afraid.

The fact is that, we have always had dangerous servant boys/men. These days, the newspapers tell me about maid servants too. I keep reading about a number of murders which have the servants take to weapons. And its not about any particular city. I read it all over. I hear about mugging in Bangalore.I hear about this Arushi case in Noida. TOI, Mumbai has all these stories about maid servants killing and saving and what not. In Kerala, I had a close relative killed for her jewellery by some unknown goons.

For years, I was afraid of the unknown, call it ghost or whatever ( I still am) But more than anything, today I am afraid of that man or woman. I dont trust anyone. My mom tells this maid servant who used to come to my brother's place, that her daughter will be alone and that she has to take care. I used to find it amusing once. Not anymore. The first thing that crosses my mind is whether, she really needed to know.

My company has this thing called "Authorised service providers". These are service providers who have been approved by the company for driving our cars or for making our tickets or for carrying our luggage. Most companies have that. There could be issues with that as well. They are usually safe, rather, the maximum I can hope to have.

I think, the time has come for authorised service providers for domestic help as well. Some company that takes the pain to do the reference check for every maid whom they allot to a house. I would not mind paying the sky for a maid servant who would come with an identity card, medical check, and police record check done. For me, the male maid servant is a big no-no. Biased? Maybe! I am not letting anyone inside. Its the fourth time, I'm checking if the door is locked.

UPDATE:

On an after thought, think I was going a little overboard. Its not that bad actually. As much as these menaces exist, maybe hype like this is not needed.

darkness - the absence of light

2008-04-22T23:32:00.007+05:30

Listen, here's what I think.

I think we can't go around measuring our goodness
by what we don't do.

By what we deny ourselves,what we resist and who we exclude.

I think we've got to measure goodness
by what we embrace,what we create,and who we include.

- Chocolat

Do you see the symbols? Articulated so beautifully.

peace,hope,happiness and love

you get the feel right?

2008-04-20T16:15:00.007+05:30

By the end of June, it would be five years since i left ‘home’. You never leave home, you say. i hope, i say. When i was a kid, a long time ago, i had this wish – this wish that i get to stay in a house, on my own.

These five years, i stayed with room mates in a flat, i stayed in a hostel, i stayed in guest houses and then i got a ‘home of my own’ and have been living here for some time now. i am surprised, that i get all that i truly wish for. Now i am thinking, how do i like being on my own?
On the whole, i am glad! Rather, i’m afraid, i’m addicted to it now ;-)

i was quite protected at home. With dad and two brothers, madam, never had to really stand the queues for the tickets, or wait at shops for the chicken to come. Protected!!!
It’s easy, but hmmm....

On my own, i've learnt to survive! i remember, the first time i was in Bombay, me and my roommate had to get our commission back from the broker, as we were not taking the house he had showed us. We got only 75% of the amount back, but man! Was i not excited! To negotiate with that seasoned broker, to me was new! And that was just the beginning.

The most exciting thing about setting this house, was "setting this house" from the vacant building that was given to me. Buying the equipments, getting the gas connection, the vessels - oh i loved it, that i could do it by myself. Somehow, living alone, has started becoming this score board that i've kept for myself!

That means, Decisions!!@!@!@ i decide every thing! There is no one to please, no one to give me permissions, no one to ask. he he he, i like that.

On the other hand, you do take all the decisions. No daddy, to tell you that you ought not to do this, no mummy to stop you. And therefore, you do end up making mistakes, you hurt yourself - but the thing is, you learn that you can survive even that :)

i also like the silence that welcomes me every evening when i get back from work. The addiction, i talked about, is to this silence. Some people, advise me to get at least one roommate. But somehow, i value this silence too much. i come back from work, make my tea, switch on the tv, or not, or just sit there and stare and think! i love that feeling, that i can do anything or not do anything. Home is this place where i am not responsible, to anyone but to me. i don’t have to feel guilty if i don’t make dinner, or even if its maggi. It’s me, and i forgive all my mistakes ;-)

This means, you have a lot of time to yourself! You learn more about yourself, you read all that you like, you browse all that you want, you see the movies that you want to, learn that language, join that dance class, dance (there actually is no one watching). Life comes calling!

Do you see a lot of me, my, i and myself? Living alone does that to you or at least it does that to me! i am so full of myself. As my friend tells me, my tolerance to the slightest of intrusion to my individual space has reduced tremendously. Being a natural introvert, i try to avoid social contact as much as possible. All the comments about people living in flats, in bombay, who don’t even know their neighbours, oh i am defenitly one of them!

If there is anything i miss – that’s food! i have forgotten the days when food was meant to be for pleasure. Today food is carbohydrates, proteins and vitamins or something that will put this feeling called 'hunger' to peace or something that will ensure that i have enough strength to get up the next day, so that i can work, blog, browse and speak. And mummy, what a fool am i if i forgot to tell you that you rock!

Then there is this thing about illness. You get all cranky, and its a lot of fun to show your crankiness if someone's around. You can play the child and be as stubborn and fussy as you want - you're sick. You deserve the attention. On my own, sick or not, even i will not tolerate if i make any fuss! This summer, i was home with an ankle pain and mom was there with this oil massage and the heat treatment, thrice a day! Whoever said that the best things in life come for free, was defenitly not kidding!

And you get a lot more scared of marriage and having a roommate for life!! i've loved my own company so much, loved having friends, but a call away, not being responsible and not really trying to meet expectations! Five years back, i would have been ready to take that chance, but now, it has to be perfect, it has to be you!

And then there is family! This physical distance has its toll on the relationship. Its far more easier to go into the shell, and to keep silent through the phone, when uncomfortable topics come up. You are far, therefore, you can free yourself from the guilt as long as you don’t see the pain, or rather you've chosen not to. But you are not that bad either, its just that you've changed and you understand everything they say, but you know its not that easy and you know, you cant explain it to them either, and it lingers on. Even before you realise, home stops being home and this "house" that you've set for yourself and 'this silent' opium puts you to sleep.

And that’s probably the worst thing about being on your own. i have a feeling i have forgotten what it means to share, to give and to love unconditionally. But i remember it feels nice.
But i do know, it’s only a matter of time!

Second career

2008-03-19T09:41:00.009+05:30

Mighty excited!

Some things make you happy!

Tatas announce the Tata Second Career Internship Programme (SCIP)

This is what their site says:

Tata Second Career Internship Programme (SCIP) is a programme for women professionals who have taken a career break and want to get back into action.SCIP is a new initiative by the Tata Group, which would like to benefit from the expertise of women professionals who opted to take a career break after some initial years of work.

Highlights of Tata Second Career Internship Programme

* 500 hours of engagement spread over 5-6 months
* Attractive project fees of upto Rs. 4 lakhs
* Flexible time
* LIVE business projects, initially in Mumbai/ Navi Mumbai/Pune
* Project presentation to Tata senior management team
* 5 days management programme at Tata Management Training Centre (TMTC), Pune
* Work certificate

The applications can be in the field of Finance,Accounting, Management, Legal,Secretarial,Engineering and Technical.

The idea, is that these women can do an internship with the Tatas, do a project for them, and a certificate stating that. Though there is no guarantee of a job, its an opportunity to land up with one. And its a slow transition back to the corporate for women in a break.

I was excited for two reasons!

One, its nice to see that its not the end of the road for women, who had to take a break in their career, because of some personal commitments.

Ya, still, to me, a working mom, is still a cool woman! No offence to home makers; I am just saying, they have a lot of questions to answer, a hell of a lot of decisions to make. I respect them.

And this advertisement made me really happy, and felt that this was an acknowledgement to that strength.

Two, these days, the worst news I would like to keep at bay, is a resignation!!!! I think my first identity is of a woman and the second of a HR professional ;-)

Once I had written about finding alternate channels of recruitement, and to me, this, was one innovative idea, that an organisation could do. In today's world, where talent is one of the rarest commodities, the only way that an organisation can survive is by expanding its pool, from where we get talent. And I thought this was one cool idea!!

So, here is my bit. If any of you are "ready to resume a career" or if you know someone, who fits the bill, please register online at www.tatasecondcareer.com or call 020 66060777 between 10 am to 7 pm Monday to Sunday.

I dont work with the Tatas!!! But I love this idea so much that I really want it to succeed!!!!

to calvin

2008-02-18T00:34:00.014+05:30

Too many people have been telling me that I take life too seriously.That, I take myself too seriously and that I analyse to a fault.

So, here's a joke I promised a friend that I would post!

He says he is going to file for damages, if i say that this joke was his and that i actually laughed at this. On other days, I try my best to undermine all his jokes.

So my dear, this goes only to you, I love all your jokes :)
(see, i can be adventurous in life, this is suicidal!#$%$$%$)

*************************************
C: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: Because it thought heaven was on the other side.

C(thoughtful for some time): Why? Dont they make chicken curry in heaven?

Me: laughs laughs laughs

C:

:) :)

Churning, Learning and Debating

2008-02-15T17:55:00.013+05:30

So, yet another anniversary of my one and only blog got over, and I barely noticed. But then, I do remember another anniversary that’s on my way, next week. There shall not be much celebration there, but there are some things worth reflecting about. I complete my one year in my current job.

Although it would be the second year in my organization, this would be the first year, where I would have taken independent charge, which means, I am finally accountable, I have a leadership role, I have rights and responsibilities or simply put, after all the training and learning, its been one year, that I have been actually swimming. And for my own personal gain, I think it would be interesting to note down some things that I have learnt and unlearnt and trying to learn.
But the bottom line is: I still love my job although it often offers me existential questions :-)

I’ve learnt that...

1. Everyone is biased and everyone includes me.
All our opinions are based on some experience, some perception that we have developed. It pays for the organisation for each of us to be aware of our biases. In my job, I have to consciously think of a neutral person to interview the new recruit or the promotee, so that I don’t make a compromise, because I like or dislike someone. At the same time, I have learnt to question assumptions when someone makes an opinion about another, especially when it’s negative. Sometimes, you will surprised, that the person has been victim to someone's ego, functional rivalry, or as simple as some misunderstanding. Therefore question biases, yours and your colleagues.

2. It pays to be patient before coming to conclusions, especially about people, and especially when they are negative.
With a little patience, we might be able to unfold some beautiful aspect of a person, and their weakness might just become irrelevant. And with the kind of shapes, sizes, thoughts, backgrounds, opinions that people come with, we can afford a little time to understand them. It did take some time for me to realize that about some people. That’s why… my next point

3 Its tough to be a leader
There are a million books on leadership, but it’s different to be one. And you are the most judged person in your organization. Some expect you to follow up, some want independence, some want you to be caring, some want a professional relationship, some respect authority, some democracy, some will be smart, some will be hardworking, some have high ego, some are low on confidence, some like parties, some don’t.
And you are one! And the team has to deliver.
In fact, these days, I feel, it’s even more difficult to be a leader at peaceful times. Crisis times are easier to communicate; everyone is already aware of the need. It’s also said that the best way to build trust in a team is to be faced with a tough problem as a team. Adrenalin motivates. Nothing’s better than a challenging task.
When the tide is low, the leader will find it even more difficult to be seen as adding value to his employees.

4. The old one! Sometimes, give yourself a break, you just can’t please everyone

5. Data speaks both ways.
This has been one of my most important learning. Data! It’s one of the most mysterious things in the world. It helps to ask for data, when people seem to be telling opinions as if they were facts. And you have to be bloody tactful to ask for the right data, because, data can be built from interpretations. When I say, Data, it does not mean charts and statistics alone. It could be just an opinion about a colleague. If a person says negative things, it pays to ask him why he thinks like that. I remember, one of my team member telling me that a new recruit “will not fit and is over smart”. With his experience and comfort in the system, he would be saying this with a lot of confidence and that’s the most difficult part; to sieve through the “confident opinion presented as a fact”. Now, the mere vagueness of the statement tells me that I should ask further. He replies, “When we told him, that he has to go to another place for interview, he asks, where? And even before coming for the interview, he asks whether we provide guest house accommodation? I think he is over smart.” I was amazed. What’s wrong if they ask? It’s their right! My team mate must have found it too much for a new person to ask, but that’s his opinion, but then from the data, I come to my conclusion that the person cannot be rejected as of now. There are more checks to be done.
At the same time, we are aware of the innumerous formats made for quality, learning, process health checks which have been built to ensure process compliance, but we also know how little they reveal about what’s happening on field.

6. Quick motivation theory – What can motivate?
Challenging task
Required resources to accomplish it
Credit when the task is completed

7. Get involved.
That’s the only way to keep yourself motivated. Every job is interesting. When we get involved, new dimensions, new problems and new challenges will emerge. And that’s what makes life interesting and its worth your involvement.

8. Get the guys to do what they do best
This one is a clean pick from Gallup’s- First Break all Rules. But it works for me. Some guys are natural process control experts, natural problem solvers, natural devil’s advocates (they sometimes seem to be blockers but their concerns are worth thinking about at times). Let them do what they do best, and you have the best that your team can deliver.

9. Believe – both in the future and in the past
As a leader, you will have to believe in what you are striving to achieve, because there is a difference between doing it because Head office tells us and because this is the best way of doing it. Sometimes, in a large organization, getting this right might seem to be difficult, but I have seen leaders do it, and it is important.
Now for my tough part – It’s equally important to believe and be happy about what you have achieved. It’s fine to be true about how much you have achieved, but as a team leader, you must believe that you are doing well. If you believe that you are not, then take steps to do better. Act. There is no credit in saying that I am honest about my achievements. The organization is not only about honesty. It’s about Action with Honesty. Well, this is my one priority this year.

10. Once again, believe.
Most people want to go to sleep everyday thinking that they are good human beings. If they are hurting you, either they are not aware of it, or they are just afraid of you hurting them. Either way, it makes no sense to hurt them back.

Those were some of the things that I am near to certainty that they are true. The biggest realization is that practicing theory is not as easy as writing it in a post ;)

But my one year also got me some debates. I am nowhere close to clarity…

I am debating

1. Manmohan Singh vs Vajpayee
This is not a political debate, rather it’s just a leadership style debate. It is a debate that’s still continuing with a favourite friend. Manmohan singh, is stoic. He does not show emotions, and therefore does not inspire. Vajpayee, when he made the Lahore bus trip, made the whole nation think about India and Pakistan. He made India a nation, one that thought about India as a whole. It was a huge step in India-Pakistan diplomacy. I agree. Now, after this trip, Kargil happened, and India felt betrayed. Diplomatic relationship was at one of its leanest periods. But later, we could still patch up during the Manmohan era also. There were no buses, there were no dramatic moves. We read in the papers, that talks were going on. Things did go forward. Maybe he did not inspire. Maybe he just got a team to do his job.
I think, I can never be a Jack Welch myself. Therefore I always try to find out reasons why even the stoic, seemingly passionless leaders can be leaders. But I am still debating! I know, I know, I am still not free, not from the opinions of others, or mine!

2. Fight vs peace
I hate fighting. I hate email wars. They are a mere waste of time. When words are intended to hurt, or are just hurled as a sudden overflow of fury, they seldom affect me. I am at my Buddha’s best. I don’t consider irrelevant words worth reacting. More often, I respond with facts, for which they will have to respond rationally.
The debate comes, when the words are hurled at your subordinates and they don’t necessarily believe in your philosophy. I sometimes, know that the expectation from me, is to fight for them, but my problem is, I don’t think some fights are worthy enough; especially verbal duels! I fight for unbiased appraisals, false allegations, deserved awards but not “he said I am not working”. Did he say so? Does it matter any where? If it’s a comment made by an irrelevant person, seriously, I don’t think it’s worth giving a second thought. But there are different opinions, and that’s why I am still debating.

3. Personal vs Professional
Gallup says, I need to have a “best friend” at work to be really engaged. Frankly speaking, I really don’t have one. For me, it’s a professional space, and I still enjoy it. I rarely discuss my personal life in office. Rather, I still have not found anyone that I feel comfortable enough to discuss the same and I am ok with that.
So where is the debate?
It’s between, “You can call me whenever you want.” Vs “I don’t prefer calls when I am on leave or after office hours”. I thought and I still believe that I am approachable for people. My door is open; I will have to work for a thousand years to actually scare people off with my demeanor. You can call me whenever you want, as long as you know the meaning of “whenever you want”. If in case, you are a little confused on that, maybe, I would prefer a sms telling me what it is, and then I could give you a call back, if its urgent, or I would sms back otherwise.
At least one of my team member is pretty aghast at this! Why such a formal relationship? Why should I have to think whether I am disturbing you or not? Can’t I call you whenever I feel like? We are one team. How can you put the demarcation even for us?
I have always believed in personal relationships and have worked best with people with whom I could develop those personal relationships (extremely few, but) but that’s what they are. Personal relationships. That cannot be an automatic function of the fact that someone is in my team or not. It’s built over some kind of a trust, a liking that you have developed because of a million other factors. But the question is, as a leader, is it my responsibility to build that relationship?

4. Process vs Individual
This debate specially holds true for HR processes. There are a number of HR processes, like appraisal discussions, engagement initiatives, contact conversations, weekly meetings etc.
PDP: 100% compliance i.e. 100% of our people have clicked the submit button on the online appraisal forms
Engagement initiatives. Read them as parties, celebrations and dinners.
I have been debating if these numbers help. For one, there are managers who are constantly open to feedback and discussions with their subordinates. They do not need compliance metric to think about their people. They believe its necessary and will do it genuinely. These managers make a difference and when they are there, I seriously have existential questions about the relevance of my function. And for those who don’t, they will know how to beat the system. There are several instances where you will find an online form send by mail from the subordinate to the boss, and then back, and the submit button is pressed. Feedback or the actual development conversation really does not happen. And in spite of having a 100% compliance, one really does not achieve one’s objective. This debate, is one that I am almost leaning towards processes. For all its disadvantages, and what they may not achieve in full measure, they at least make every manager put a few minutes thinking about his subordinate. This is what I think. You can beat any process, if you want to, but something is better than nothing.
But for the engagement initiatives, I still have to push myself to celebrate. I celebrate the best, with close friends and with my cute little laptop. Am I really engaging with these events? Cheri says no!

Each one of them, is a post by itself. But I am glad that I could put them down. My first year in the corporate world. I am sure; I would love to read it years from now, when I would have found some answers and more questions. It’s one of my longest posts. I can see that it is not a wasted year. The learning begins with the churn. It’s still churning :-)

It has to be Neruda

2008-02-14T21:56:00.008+05:30

On Valentine's Day, it has to be Neruda

The Question

Love, a question
has destroyed you.

I have come back to you
from thorny uncertainty.

I want you straight as
the sword or the road.

But you insist on keeping a nook
of shadow that I do not want.

My love,understand me,
I love all of you,from eyes to feet, to toenails,
inside,all the brightness, which you kept.

It is I, my love,who knocks at your door.
It is not the ghost, it is not
the one who once stopped at your window.

I knock down the door:
I enter your life:
I come to live in your soul:
you cannot cope with me.

You must open door to door,
you must obey me,you must open your eyes
so that I may search in them,
you must see how I walk with heavy steps
along all the roads that, blind,
were waiting for me.

Do not fear,I am yours,
butI am not the passenger or the beggar,
I am your master,
the one you were waiting for,
and now I enteryour life,
no more to leave it,
love, love, love,
but to stay.

Pablo Neruda

Identity Crisis

2008-01-26T23:07:00.000+05:30

Its not my blog's anniversary!

But I can introspect at my convenience, can't i ?

I have been reading personal blogs,professional blogs, political blogs etc

I have been wondering what is the genre of my blog!

And I am yet to point my finger at one kind!

Its crisis! Identity crisis!

What does my blog signify?

Hmm, sometimes I talk about my personal experiences, sometimes on gender, sometimes HR and lot on what I have been thinking!

I thought the theme should be "What comes to mind" but a friend, would not let me take it, as it is the description of one of his blogs !

So, I am on my search for an appropriate theme!

While I am on that, I thought I should put down some of my favourite blogs, and really thank them for making my days a little better!

First, on HR , Prasad!

I read a number of HR blogs. But Prasad, you rock! Even the title of his blog speaks volumes. I think, i got hooked to his blog, when I found this post.I was particularly happy to find someone who could put my opinion into such beautiful language.So basically, I am biased!

Its very rarely that one comes across a blog that is so balanced in its language, amidst the host of high emotional blogs. Prasad puts his views with logic and examples. His conceptual clarity is a rare find.

Thanks a ton for sharing your experience and thoughts.

Personal blog, Jiby for being so true to himself

It needs guts to be honest with oneself and on public forum. Jiby is a natural at that. I tried to write a few more lines to describe his blog. But I found that I could not. None can speak about his life better than him.

Gender - apu

I am yet to find a blog that which has a balanced language in this subject. Myself included. When I talk about gender, I too, get all hyper and use extreme language. But apu, to my mind, is open to new thoughts and she gives me lots to think about. Its a delight to have found you!

Thoughts,opinions, views! Jay

Jay is a friend. Have known him with his thoughts but find that recently they are becoming more and more interesting.. therefore your blog is a delight for me these days!

BVN Diaries

Ahem! I am never done with this one. Thank God! yet another blog that I dont know which genre i must categorise it. He says, its his diary.And i love his blog for his language, creativity and intensity! You are special.

Tinkerbells, Ursjina, Akila

They are friends, and I love to read them.I have seen them personally but even then, the blog has probably allowed me to see some other aspect of their lives. :)

Daily Dope - Amrita

Oh wow! You are a regular! You are currently a habit for me!

Mystery blog - Srihari writes

This is one blog, i am never sure that i have understood what the author has written. But some of his views are so different and presented so well. And the best part is, he does not allow any communication with him. There are no emails or comments allowed! So, i love the mystery in his thoughts and in himself. This is the description to his blog - "There is a spoon and I have it"

Then there are these whom I wish that they were more regular!
Bibs - so when are you completing that novel?
ram - da, pls pls pls write

And of course, there are many more, i come across in this blogland. Some friends, I have found! And some friends, I have known a bit more. All in all, its been a nice time here!

Btw, its my blog, so i do ramble sometimes ;-)

Hibiscus

2008-01-25T12:10:00.001+05:30

She is the one. She knows that. And yet.

He is the one. He knows that. And yet.

She went around browsing through his diaries. She promises to herself that she is not interfering into his life.

He says, “You are the best, I promise”

She says, "Hibiscus"

Now he is used to that. He plays along. He is good at that.

He knows how to agree, when she says that she is strong and not fragile.

He knows her.

she is liberal; she feels; she has too many views;

she even proclaims,” Physical adultery will not touch my heart; its your mind that I want to be the mistress of”

She browses through his pages, trying to find out his mind’s mistresses, what they meant to him, how they kissed his heart.

“I want to know, everything about you. Every little feeling that passed through your mind. What you felt about each of them!I just want to be you….. travel with your feelings, as they went up and down” She said.

He is amazed at the details that she can go into! She wants to know everything, even about the tired little indonesian. She asks the right questions, or so she thinks.

"I am a political illiterate,Do you love me?" She fakes.

"We'll do it together,and i love you" he knows, what she wants to hear.

"I dont know if i bore you with my insignificant details, do you love me?" She fakes again

"I love it, when you fake it"

Of all the people, her!

Of all the people, him!

They were the one. They know that. And yet!

to my girlfriend

2008-01-16T21:41:00.001+05:30

Well, you called me and then put me this message, saying that you missed me!

You made me realise, that I was so glad that I had you in my life.

Us ,in our mid twenties, or much before that; we start thinking about companionship,love,settling,intellectual stimulation,career, balance, god,meaning,society,conventions,marriage... it goes on!

But, dont think anyone else can take your space - you, my girlfriend.

I probably always took you for granted. You were too much a part of my life.

how do you always try to understand?

and how long can you listen to all the crap that i have to say, and feed me with more crap from your life, that i dont feel stupid about mine.

Oh with you, i dont have to think about what I am feeling about you; i can just feel. I wonders why i have to analyse every other relation.

Oh I love it, when I can walk through Westside and spend my time there alone,trying things out and with you there at the other end, doing your own bit. Atleast we know that we dont have to be worried of boring each other; we love Westside!

How do you ask me those straight questions? You make it so difficult for me to lie. Remember I could not stop laughing! Oh lady, you care! and so much!

I cant believe I made you cry sometime, saying that i was suffocated at your concern. I still have your letter,and I'm glad, that we did not do what we agreed to.

How can you be so non-judgemental? how can you always speak as if my feelings are the only natural thing in this world? And how can you react in the same way every single time, even

when both of us know that i have made a somersault like i did last time?

And because of you, I learnt to go to the parlour, I learnt to thread my eyebrows, wax my skin and feel beautiful. Its fun getting dressed, isn't it? And thanks for those earings, they are beautiful. why do you care, by the way?

He asked me if we dont share jokes.hmm, i dont remember us cracking jokes, or do we? but i do remember us laughing at our own queerness and incapabilities ;i am glad you were as vulnerable as I was ; lady, but good that we took turns :)

and you roomie, were you really ok with me not telling you anything?

and ya, good that i am straight, i dont have to constantly doubt, define and justify my feelings when I am with you:) and more importantly i am free from my insecurities too.

And thanks for that break from morality and feminity.

we understand this, dont we?

"You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges"

Babes, you are special!