Buddha says, smile

Warning: Long post ahead!

It is interesting that this post follows the previous one on neursoscience. Of course, I had read the book, particularly because I was expecting to write this post. The last few days of my life were spent on completing the 10 day course on Vipassana, something I had wanted to do for many many years. It finally took a deadline, finally to get me to do the course. I was not sure, how the course would end up.

Would I even complete the course, given the tough requirements? Or would I quit mid way?

Based on other people’s response to the course, there was an expectation of a “feeling” by the end of the course? Would I get that feeling? How would I face the world, in case I don’t experience that? Ha! That was the funniest fear of them all. Imagine! One is about to attend a course on spirituality, and what an atrociously horrific expectation from a supposedly spiritual activity. However, I realized that reading this post, or other people’s experience about the course, would not really affect any one’s actual experience during those ten days.  Therefore, this post, is just my experience in this spiritual journey.

Vipassana is supposedly the meditation technique that was discovered by the Buddha. This was the technique which helped him attain ‘enlightenment”. Buddha had gone to several teachers to attain the path to enlightenment. Not satisfied with any of the teachings, he had continued to do several experiments with himself, trying to seek answers to his quest. Details about the history of the technique and the course started by d S N Goenka can be seen in many videos here. 

 Liberation as I understood from these ten days

Live in the present:

In my very dilettante interest in spirituality, one of the things that I had always read about was that, one of the causes for unhappiness was that one’s thoughts always rested either in the past or the future. If we knew the art of living the moment, not many of our worries, would have much of a space in our lives. And yet, how easily said, than done! Many a technique, uses either a word (like Om) to rest our wandering mind. Vipassana however means, seeing things as they really are. This meant, that we were trained to still our mind by concentrating on our very natural breath. If one were regulating breath, there would have been some act happening, and concentration would have been a simpler task. But here, we were expected to still our minds by concentrating on an activity which we barely notice, everyday – breathing!  It was funny, to say the least. I would start observing my breath….. suddenly I notice, I am thinking about the facebook update I would put up, once I reach back home. Thoughts wandered like crazy. Beautiful day dreams of the future and I would indulge in them. They felt so nice! Sometimes, tears would accompany some memory of a sad moment in the past. It was not traumatic for me, as much as it was, for some others, but the extent to which my thoughts could wander was a revelation. 

Law of impermanence:

Most people, who have read even the basics of Buddha’s teachings, would have heard of how he preached that “desire was the cause of all misery.” This teaching was well explained through the law of impermanence in nature. When the person who desires and the object of desire, is in a constant notion of change, how can there not be disappointment, and consequent misery. If one develops feelings of aversion or craving for a changing object, it would indeed result in unhappiness. On the other hand, we ourselves are in the process of evolution, that we get bored of the things once we craved for. Craving, by itself, is what we crave for - the Buddha says.

Secondly, these feelings of craving and aversion become a reality in the form of several “impurities” such as anger, passion, greed, hatred and so on, the Buddha says. As long as one is alive, one would come in touch with objects of desire. Therefore, the path to enlightenment was to train ourselves, not to react to these objects of desire.

This too was not new. People have been saying this for years. Control anger. Control greed. Spread love and compassion. Let not sexual passion overcome one’s senses. And yet, this preaching remained as abstract words. How was one to control anger? How was one to control greed? Often it is said, one must divert one’s attention to something else. Or else, call it “suppression”. But it was going to be there within us, anyways. So, the Buddha says, “Don’t suppress. Don’t express. Just observe.” 

For an enlightened one, observing anger at the moment of anger must have been possible. Observing one’s sexual passion as it arises during the moment would seem a reality. But for the ordinary person, this was an uphill task. Buddha’s contribution to spirituality was a technique which taught ordinary people a very experiential, practical method to “observe” these impurities as they occurred. Of course, the Buddha also says, this technique was not going to be a short cut but rather a path with the  foundation of “good conduct”. Surely, one does not expect to lead an evil and negativity filled life and expect to be happy.  Vipassana  teaches one to practice the method of observing “body sensations” as manifestations of these “impurities”.

Our body, like any object of matter is made of atomic particles which are in constant motion. So, why look outside to understand the law of impermanence? If one were to gain enough concentration of the mind, we would be able to feel this constant mode of change happening within our bodies itself. So the Buddha says. Even within these ten days, one does start observing these body sensations. For some people, they start experiencing sensations throughout the body - quite a “nirvanic” feeling. And yet, a dangerous place to be in, because, this technique was not about making us feel good. It was about, us experiencing this constant state of impermanence happening within our own body. There are times, we might experience unpleasant sensations. One has to sit for an hour continuously to meditate – there could be numbness, there could be pain, there could be just the inconvenience of sitting still. How do we react to this unpleasant feeling? How do we react to the pleasant feeling of nirvana? Can we remain equanimous during these sensations as we experience them? Will we crave for “nirvana” and will we crib about the numb leg? Or will we tell ourselves, both these feelings are indeed impermanent. The “free flow through the body”, although pleasant, will die away. The numbness will dissolve. Why react to either, when they are going to change, anyways? Which is why, the idea of the nirvanic feeling was not important. It did not matter, whether one felt it or not. Ever heard of the phrase, “You cannot want nirvana. That would take you miles away from it.” Although, I have always understood it intellectually, here was a method that could help me experience, not wanting nirvana!

The idea is that as we practice Vipassana, daily, we train our mind not to react to these body sensations. Also, during our daily interactions, one would slowly train themselves to observe body sensations at moments of anger, passion or grief. Apparently, a practicing vipassana meditator will automatically start observing sensations and his mind would also have been trained, not to react to differing sensations.

I think, only a man/woman of great intelligence can convert abstract topics into simple, practical realities, which was best understood by the common man. Breath was converted to the most pristine form of present. Nirvana has been explained as an experience through body sensations

To me, that was Buddha at his best.

It sounded very practical to me. This was not a healing mechanism, but something which could become a way of life. Of course, there were many things which were appealing about the course. It was non sectarian. It was not an organized religion, neither did it portray itself as one.  There were no rituals or rites. It was a course – that taught a technique.

It was not commercialized. This course is taught for free. A student of the course, should not donate. One is supposed to get the course, from the charity of others. The logic for this, was also interesting. One of the by products, or means of achieving enlightenment was the destruction of the immense attachment that one has to the “self”. During these ten days, one is supposed to live like a monk, with a begging bowl – how small should be one’s ego to beg, right? However the course is run on the donations of older students. If one feels that one has benefited from the course, one could donate. The non commercial aspect of the course was highly appealing to me. The course was also conducted in a rather, simplistic and low cost method. There is really no secret about the course, unlike some other forms. Which is why, you would find a lot of material on Vipassana in the net. We could talk about the technique. After all, the idea was to spread it anyways!

Love and Vipassana

As I said before, my mind wandered quite a lot. Somewhere in the middle of the course, I was thinking, “I like most of the things about the course. But not to react to anything? Not even to love? Was not the feeling of utmost passion of the feeling of love, a celestial feeling by itself? Was that not nirvanic? Even when one loses out on love, and is unhappy to the core, would one ever trade the experience, for a state of calm?” Somehow, I felt that I was not aligned to Buddha’s notion of love. When it came to love, maybe I should turn to Krishna. I have never understood the character, completely, but he seemed to be spreading so much love in the world.

I got an answer, somewhere along the way during the course.

That, I was being deeply dishonest, when I said, that I loved someone else. The truth hit me, when during one of the discourses, Mr. Goenka said, “We only love ourselves.” Even the love that one professes for one’s child is born from self-love with an expectation of a favour in return. Why was I anxious when my “object of love” does not call? Why was I dejected, when the person I love does not return my passion? What was it about me, that I express anger over his flirting with someone else? Was it love, care or compassion for him? Of course, not. It was indeed, all about me. When my professed love was centred around me, what was the logic of my getting tremendously depressed about an act of self interest from the other end. I was doing the same, in the  pretence of “love”!

Possibly, this was my biggest take away from the course. As I have said before, the delusion of love, has often left me indulge in a vortex of self pity and sorrow. If only I realize that it was only caused by my own self love!

Then, does this mean that there is no space for love and compassion?

The Buddha says, once we realize this truth of attachment to self, we would have started the true journey of love. If we can be aware of this self love, that was determining our professed love and thus change, that would lead the path to true love. Nirvanic! Maybe, Krishna and Buddha may not have been too different in their notions of love, after all. 

To me, this “object of love” also represents my yardstick in the journey of spirituality. There is no other person/object/situation that brings the range of emotion that this one person can. Love, hate, compassion, jealousy, passion, regret, guilt, care, pity and self pity – you name it and I would have felt it. There is not going to be better space to measure one’s growth in this journey ;-)

Spirituality and Science

Here, I tread into dangerous paths. As long as, I would have played along in the field of spirituality, the scientists would not have bothered. They would feel that, this was one more person in the irrational world, among the many other stupid ones. Maybe, they are right.

However, VS’s book and this course seemed to run in parallel in my head. What were the sensations that the Buddha was talking about? Even VS had talked about how “pain” was often felt in the phantom arm due to earlier conditioned signals. Was there a mental aspect to pain? Can these sensations be explained through neurons and brain imaging techniques?

To me, this would open up the possibility of a health regime for the mind.  Like physical exercises that one does for the body why isn’t there a mental exercise for the mind or the brain, as one would like to call it? Instead of “curing” mental diseases using strong external medicines, why shouldn’t one build a preventive method into one’s lives? Meditattion is suggested by many doctors today also, but that is supposedly, the unscientific part of the doctor who suggests this, isn't it? It is not an accepted medical possibility.

Personally for me, I would need to try out Vipassana and see if there are indeed positive effects in my life. Even if it worked, I think, there are two categories of people, this would not reach. One is the fanatically religious sections, who cannot imagine the idea of “not asking for favours from a god” and thus following rituals. This technique does not offer the comforts of a false hope. It says, things may happen outside which is sometimes beyond our expectation. But unhappiness is created by ourselves, within our minds and bodies and we could unlearn that habit. Second, is the scientific community, which would not accept anything that is not explained rationally or proved. If only, one could explain the results if any, it could reach to both these larger population sections.

Although Goenka says, it is a scientific method there were some unanswered links. He also talks about accumulated karmas of past life and speaks of liberation in the context of cycles of lives. Also, he talks about how our earlier reactions of anger, passion and greed can be removed from our body through this technique. I am not sure how such things happen. Thankfully, he is aware of a rational mind’s discomfort to such declarations. So he says one can choose not to believe.

One need not look at it as a path towards enlightenment or liberation. 

But surely, we all yearn to be happy, don’t we? It does seem worth a try.

Just a few links, on your way out, if you managed to read till here!