5 years Running: The Super Con Act

I was not planning to write any anniversary post or anything. I just ended up reading my most favourite blog in the world and then felt sad and nostalgic.

Well, I miss depth. Terribly. Haven't read something like this in a long time. Anywhere.

So, whats happened in these five years? I am a little more confident, like in life. Maybe its a loser's confidence, that you've lost it all and you walk around oozing confidence because thats the only last link left to the shore. Put all the lights, make all the noise, show all the jazz.Ya right. As if.

Have you heard me talk about the most needed balance in life? I know why i do that. Someone must have told me that the sign of maturity is the ability to see all sides and to understand how the truth lies in the shades of gray. I used to say that earlier too, but still made strong stupid opinions too. Ya, i know - i was honestly passionate. This thing about balance and to say the truth stuff, is just an old woman's way of saying, that she has given up. Bloody hell!

No, i dont know if i have given up. Seems like. Then, seems like not. Whatever the answer, i have people to blame.

I do make opinions, in these groups and so on about issues and stuff. Oh what a bore, i've become! "You are the biggest feminist i know and yet you hang your life on someone's words" . I have a remedy for that. I am not a feminist. Dont you know? Some shit about not committing to some 'sism' and all. Comeon! Give me break. Atleast, when you were 12, you were honest enough to fight with boys, and say, "girls are better". Now there is a bit of that tired ghost.

A painting, whose artist's name I forgot to note

This is the best part. I have this new found love for Madhavikutty. Hell, dont you realise, you are not Madhavi kutty. All those you know, who behave like Madhavikutty are not her, either. When did depression become this living room conversation. "I am depressed. I feel intensely." What a load full of crap? Emotional outbursts are the biggest sham of this century. Get a grip. Get on with life. Everyone has pretty much the same issues. You are no goddess.

Like they said about Marilyn Monroe once, that her real and reel life got intertwined so close, that she stopped realising when one ended and the other started. I feel the same. When am i acting, when am i feeling? Do I even know when i am gassadichufying in this blog, anymore? I dont even know, if i am faking this post. But its not as bad as the new sms language that these kids seem to be using these days. When did 'my' become 'ma' and 'this 'become 'dis'? Can we respect the language please?

Dear hate mail sender, keep your stupid mails to yourself. I am not publishing them, anyways. Don't bother writing them. And yes, even if i fake them, I'll continue to write them. Its my blog.

But am I glad, that I am done with the liberation/independence/freedom thing. That's the only time, I feel so glad to have grown up.Who is independent and who is dependable? Its all one big charade.

I have too many people reading this blog. Shut the fu%k up!

Then, like an unexpected rain on a hot summer day, someone mailed me on his 30th birthday. I have met him once, in person; mailed him maybe 5 times, chatted 3 times. I did not know when his birthday was. He ended this mail about his last ten years with "To all my friends who have made my life worthwhile over the past ten years." I did not even know, he referred to me as friend.

This mom wished her son would study films, because it was his life long passion. The poor woman thought, putting this written wish in this glass box would make a difference. She also put a heart, before she signed "mom". But, of course she was true.

Ya, its not all bad. I hope i forgive myself.
But do you know what could make it better?
If diaries comes back to life